Give Me A Little Trust
by An End Has A Start
Summary: Edward wants one thing: a baby. The problem: he’s infertile. Will he ever get to be the father he’s dreamed of being? All Human. ExB.
1. Chapter 1: Strangers

_Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Give Me A Little Trust**

**Chapter One: Strangers**

_Edward's POV_

We arrived back from the hospital and she wouldn't look at me. This was supposed to be a happy day for us, our one year anniversary. But instead it seems to be the day where all the problems start. I tried in the car to get her to tell me what she was thinking but she ignored me and played with her wedding ring on her finger. She only did that when she was annoyed or stressed and I could tell it was both of them because of me.

My wife and I had one hour to change and arrive at the anniversary party my parents were holding for me out at the house by the coast, which is about a forty minute drive from here. Taking off my shirt and shoes I walked over to my closet and hunted out what I was to wear tonight, chosen by my sister.

Lauren was stomping around in the other room and I had just about had enough. She was blaming me for this and it was not my fault, there was nothing I could do. Did she not realise I was as hurt as she was by what we had just been told?

When she entered our bedroom she glared at me and removed the outfit she wore to the hospital then slid on a black cocktail dress. Deciding enough was enough, as I buttoned up my shirt, I called her name.

"Lauren." She shot me a glare and grabbed her shoes, supporting herself on the bed as she put them on. "You have got to be kidding me. How can you blame me for this?!" I asked, outraged.

"Because Edward it's your fault. You're the one who wanted to wait and now look where we are. I've wasted five years of my life with you, and for what? Nothing." She basically ripped out my heart and threw it at me.

"How is this my fault?!" I cried, losing my temper.

"It's the husbands' job to get the wife pregnant but for some bloody reason you can't do that! I endured multiply degrading exams so we could later be told that balls don't work. Well thanks a lot." She stormed past me into the bathroom and I could hear her throwing things into the sink. So I didn't lose my temper completely and do something I really regretted I finished dressing and went downstairs to cool off.

A party was the last place I wanted to go but my parents had put so much work into it that I couldn't disappoint them by saying that I wasn't going. That and I didn't want to explain why I wasn't going, 'hey mom sorry can't come tonight, turns out I'm incompetent as I can't get my wife pregnant.' I'm sure she'd love to hear that.

Lauren stomped down the stairs and we left together. All the way there we were silent. I know not to argue when driving, it gets me distracted and then I'm a risk to myself and every other driver out 

there. When we pulled up Lauren plastered on her perfect smile and exited the car smiling brightly at her best friend Jessica.

My dad came to greet me and I tried my best to hide how pathetic I felt. Lauren was right, it's the husband's job to get the wife pregnant and I failed that. I would never be able to have children, years ago that thought wouldn't have bothered me but now, that's all I wanted.

We both mingled round the party, separately, pretending to still be blissfully happy. After an hour there the caterers brought out trays of food and began to serve everyone. So there wouldn't be dishes and tables everywhere my parents decided to have them serve finger food, less mess that way.

I took that time, while everyone was eating and drinking happily, to step off to the side and watch the room. That's when I noticed my wife caressing a guy from the golf club's arm and whispering in his ear. His eyes were glued on her breasts and I could tell she was flirting with him and that he was buying it all.

Striding over I wrapped my arms round her waist and led her into the deserted kitchen, who knows where the caterers went. Lauren was seething at me and the second we stepped in the room she pushed me away.

"What do you think you're doing?!" She asked venomously.

"Me? I'm stopping my wife from having an affair at our anniversary party. Now do you want to tell me what you're doing?" I glared at her, staring at a complete stranger that I used to call my wife.

"I'm going to get pregnant. If you can't do it then I'll find someone who can." She tried to walk away but I grabbed her arm to turn her round. Instantly she slapped me across the cheek and briskly left the room. I was frozen to the stop, cheek stinging, when I lost it.

Grabbing the first thing in reach I picked up a wine glass and turned to throw it at the dining room door. Instead the door was open and a girl was standing there shocked. Sighing quickly I put the glass down and left the room. She had to have overheard what just happened and that makes things so much worse.

I made my way to the third floor and let myself out onto the roof terrace that overlooked a few hills that then led to the beach and beyond that the ocean. Slumping down on the ground, hidden from anyone who walked past the doors view, I let my emotions get the better of me. Having held in my disappointment since we got back I had to let it out.

I was never going to experience my wife telling me she's pregnant with my baby or when it kicks and I know that I helped create life. There were things I wasn't going to get to experience and that hurt, a lot. Granted there are other methods, adoption, sperm donors but when you think about having something that's apart of you, maybe with your eyes or nose, then it's a kick in the teeth to then think that's some stranger's eyes or nose on my baby.

Two hours later I was still up there except I had been joined by a seagull who was sitting on the railing, watching me, and I had round a bottle of wine in the spare bedroom. Thanks to the bird I could now drink and put some of the wine in a small dish then placed it on the table in front of him. 

Although he didn't try any of it he still had a drink so that counted at me not drinking alone as that's just depressing.

Several minutes later the terrace door opened and in walked the girl I saw downstairs, she was carrying a tray and moved forward to pick up the bird's 'drink' before she spotted me.

"Oh, I'm sorry." She turned instantly, with her brown her flipping over her shoulder and made to leave.

"Wait." I said quietly. I just had to know how much she heard.

"Downstairs, how long were you there for?" Slowly she turned and sent me an apologetic look. So she heard that I'm infertile. Great, no doubt it'll be across every newspaper tomorrow morning. I sighed and shook my head, knowing that this was going to cause chaos.

"Don't worry I won't say anything." I looked into her soft brown eyes and felt like she was telling the truth but there was no way I could trust her.

My father opened many companies and basically created an empire but he spent his time working in the hospitals he built. My sister Alice wanted to be in fashion so started her own clothes line which sky rocketed and added to the Cullen Empire. Someone had to take care of all the finances and the business side of things so I took on that job.

Apparently because we are rich and supposedly good looking that makes up interesting people and journalists and photographers hunt around for a story like sharks smelling for blood. Well when this story hits it's going to be a blood bath and every shark in two hundred miles is going to hound on my door, so it's understandable why I don't want it leaking.

"I find that very unlikely." She frowned at me.

"Why? It's not my place to tell people what I heard and saw tonight. You're clearly going through some problems and I wouldn't make it worse. No one will know, I won't tell a soul." She looked so sincere but I was unsure still.

"What's your name?" I asked. I should at least know the name of the girl who knows my biggest secret.

"Bella."

"Well Bella I'm Edward but sure you already know that." She nodded softly and looked towards the door, probably wanting to go but for some reason I wanted to keep her here.

"Look I should probably go…I'm working and-" Her hand was on the door handle but I didn't want to be alone again.

"Stay, please."

"I can't. I promised my friend I'd help her out tonight by catering."

"Will they notice that you're gone?" She thought about it for a second then shook her head. I nodded at the space on the ground next to me and she walked over with the tray and sat down.

"So tell me a something." I said, trying to get rid of the silence.

"What do you want to know?"

"A secret." She frowned at me. "Well I think it's only fair, you know one of mine so I should know one of yours."

"That doesn't sound very fair to me." She said.

"How not?" I asked confused.

"Because at least you'll know if I tell, it would be reported in all the gossip magazines but if you tell someone about my secret then I have no way of knowing." Okay she had a point there.

"Alright, that makes sense. But how do I know you're not going to find your closest friends right after this and tell them knowing that they can keep a secret." She scoffed at me.

"My best friends wouldn't care one bit." I frowned, that seemed a bit odd. "Emmett would probably shrug and just say bad luck and no doubt Jasper would stay silent, thinking over what I said but not saying anything."

"One of them a boyfriend?" The alcohol must have been playing with my mind as I would never have been so upfront with questions like that.

"No, that would be like dating a brother. We've known each other for ever and it would just be weird."

"So nothing's ever happened there?" Usually something has, it happened with me and my best friend Rose. Going through teen years is hard when you've got all these hormones playing with your head and you just notice that the girl you've known since nappies just got really attractive.

"Once…but only with Jasper." She blushed and shook her head. I eyed her curiously and smiled, waiting for her to tell me. "It was after graduation…"She sighed. "…and we were a little tipsy. He walked me home and at the door he kissed me, I kissed him back but then pulled away quickly and was sick all over his shoes. Not my finest moment." I chuckled and agreed.

"Yeah it doesn't sound like it. So that's it, only one kiss?"

"Yep and there will never be another one again. It was the alcohol, we both agree on that. So now you know that about me, has it ever happened to you?"

"Yeah with one of my best friends. I'm glad it didn't happen with the other one seeing as she's my sister and all. Teenage years, hormones, a few kisses then she found someone better so I was old news." I shrugged, that was actually the best thing Rose could have done since I didn't want to hurt her by ending it. "Then I went off to university and met my wife."

"Ah yes, your wife, the lovely woman that she is." I could hear the sarcasm dripping off each syllable and couldn't help but laugh. "Sorry, that was rude of me."

"No, it was accurate of you. After today I feel like I don't know her anymore." I said more to myself than Bella.

"Sorry." She said again.

"It's not your fault. It's apparently mine."

"How?" Her voice filled with confusion.

"I can't get her pregnant therefore my fault." I shrugged.

"That's not your fault. That could happen to anyone." She protested.

"My wife doesn't seem to think so."

"Well she's an idiot and someone like you should be with someone like her." Bella said strongly.

"Someone like me?" I questioned.

"Yeah, you seem as hurt by the thought of being infertile as she does but a good wife would never blame their husband. They would deal with it and find other alternatives, or at least that's what I would do."

"Oh this is depressing." I groaned, grabbing the bottle of wine. "Let's have a drink."

"I can't, I'm working."

"Are you driving tonight?"

"No but-" I cut her off.

"Then one glass will not hurt." She rolled her eyes but took one from me anyway. "What do you have on the tray?" I asked, hoping it was some food as I was famished.

"Chocolates." Bella said, bringing the tray round to show me a huge assortment of different chocolates all elegantly made by the looks of it. "Have some?"

"Thanks." We spent a few minutes going over what ones were what then picked a few out and ate them in silence. "We have the food and drink all we need is the entertainment." I said, looking at my watch. "Which will begin in about two minutes."

"What entertainment?" Bella asked, her brow furrowed.

"There's going to be a firework display to celebrate one year of marriage." I lifted my glass then took a sip as it dawned on Bella what this party was for.

Slowly the guests started filling out on the hill in front of the house and waited for it to begin. Within minutes purple, blue, red, yellow and green lights lit up the sky. We watched them in silence as the crowed below make various noises as they were going off.

Once it was over the guests made their way in the house but as Alice was walking back she spotted me. I put my finger to my lips to tell her to be quiet about me being up here and she nodded. In less than a minute Alice poked her head round the door and smiled at as both, a little surprised to see someone sitting next to me.

"Hi." She greeted then sat down across from us.

"Alice this is Bella, Bella this is Alice." I introduced them and Alice reached over to give Bella a hug, she really had boundary issues.

"So what you guys doing up here?" Alice asked curiously, eyeing me carefully.

"I felt a little stuffy downstairs so came up here for some air then Bella came along and I hijacked her and the chocolates she had." I pointed down at the tray. Alice could tell I was missing a few things out but didn't let that show; instead her eyes fell on the tray.

"Ooh, can I have one?" She asked, looking at the strawberry truffles.

"Of course, I was meant to be serving them but kinda got distracted." She mumbled. Alice popped a truffle in her mouth then moaned.

"Oh. My. God. These. Are. Amazing." Her eyes were clouded over and she looked like she was in pure bliss. "Mmmm. Can I have more?"

"Help yourself." And Alice happily did.

"Seriously these are like heaven, where did you get them?"

"I made them." Bella said, watching Alice pick out her next treat.

"You made them, really?" Bella nodded and smiled softly. "Do you sell them?" She nodded again and Alice smiled cheerily.

"Edward give me a pen." She demanded. I rooted around in my jacket then handed her one. She pulled my arm closer and pushed up my shirt sleeve. "Right, where can I buy them?"

As Bella read out the details to her business Alice scribbled the information down across my arm. It had an address, two phone numbers and an email just in case she couldn't get through. I can just see my sister ordering ten thousand boxes of chocolates, claiming everyone must try them; it's totally something she would do.

"I should probably get back to work. I don't Angela is going to be pleased with my absence." Bella said, getting ready to stand up.

"Hold on a sec. Edward it's our fault if Bella gets in trouble as you held her captive up here then I came and ate majority of her food. We have to make this up to her."

"No really it's no problem." Bella said, eyes wide as Alice grabbed the tray and handed it to me before pulling both me and Bella through the house.

"Nope, I won't hear it. We're going to help you out as I'm sure Angela has been short staffed for the past forty five minutes."

Bella was first to enter the kitchen and over her head I could see a very exasperated girl looking as if she was about to pass out from stress. The minute her eyes landed on Bella she seemed so relieved.

"Thank god you're back. Where did you go? We have major chaos right now, there are glasses everywhere and Jazz is swamped trying to serve the chocolates and collect glasses at the same time. Not only that but there is a stain on one of the carpets upstairs and it looks like red wine, that will be our fault and I'm not sure if we can afford to break even if we have to buy a new ugly rug."

Her eyes then bugged out wide as she spotted me and Alice walking in behind Bella. Alice was smiling cheerfully and did not seem at all fazed by everything.

"Don't worry about the rug, that wasn't you. That was me last summer and you are completely right it is an ugly rug, Edward remind me to call the decorator."

"I'm so sorry-" Angela began.

"On nonsense. We're sorry, we stole Bella during major chaos and for that we're here to offer our services."

"No, honestly it's okay, you can go back out and enjoy-"

"We insist. So what do you want us to do?" Obviously Angela saw that she was not going to be able to stop us from helping and looked around the kitchen for a few seconds before the door burst open to our right, which came from the living room.

"Help, I need help. Look at this, some twat spilt white wine on me and it looks like I've pissed myself! I have to wear these pants tomorr-" He finally lifted his head and spotted Alice and I staring at him.

"Hi." He said softly running a hand through his blond hair.

"Hi." Alice beamed. "I can help you." She grabbed the poor guys shirt and pulled him over to the empty counter. She bent down and was practically eye level with his crotch though honestly she didn't seem to notice. "Yep. Just as I thought, you're going to have to take these off…?"

"Jasper." He muttered, looking bewildered beyond belief.

"Hi Jasper, I'm Alice. Now take these off. Edward where to we keep the extra cloths and dish detergent?"

"Top cupboard on the right." I turned to Angela "So what do you want us to do?"

"You and Bella can wash and dry." She pointed to the sink as Alice whined she was too small to reach only to have Jasper help her.

"Thanks Jasper. Wait, take these off." She said probing his thigh as she rinsed the cloth out.

Jasper did as he was told and took them off. He was quite a sight in a white shirt, black waistcoat, boxers, black socks and loafers. Alice took the pants from him and started immediately on removing the stain.

It was chaos from then on. Alice said the pants needed to dry so she went and got Jasper another pair to wear. He then had the duty of collecting all the empty glasses and bringing them back for Bella to wash and me to dry. Alice was allocated to put the glasses back into the boxes whilst Angela took care of all the other things that were going on.

"Do not fear, reinforcements are here!" A big guy sang as he entered the back door. "Where do you want me?"

"Em about time…you can take the heavy things out to the van." He nodded and started carting off with boxes upon boxes.

Within no time at all the place was cleared and my parents paid the caterers, thanking them for doing a wonderful job. Alice hugged Jasper and Bella goodbye, insisting that she had made great friends then darted inside to give her number to them both as she wanted to stay in contact.

I followed Bella out to an old red van that must have been about fifty years old. "Your car?" I asked, she nodded and twirled the key in her hand. "I thought you said you aren't driving."

"I'm not, Jasper is going to. He's just saying goodbye to Alice right now." I nodded and looked over my shoulder; Alice had him in another hug and was leaning up on her tiptoes to talk to him.

"Thank you." I said quietly, looking into Bella's eyes.

"For what?" She frowned.

"Tonight. I was in a bad mood when you found me up there and I probably would have gone mad keeping that all to myself. I trust you, I think. I know you won't tell. Thanks."

"No problem and just remember if you need to talk, call me." She tapped my arm where her phone number still was after Alice wrote it down. I smiled and nodded just as Jasper made his way over. We said bye then I turned to see my wife glaring at me on the porch.

So it looks like I'm going to have a fun night ahead of me.

A.N.

Another new story but this one seems kinda boring to me, I might not continue it.


	2. Chapter 2: Compassion

_Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Give Me A Little Trust**

**Chapter Two: Compassion**

_Edward's POV_

The following morning I awoke alone in my bed. I got up and quickly glanced in Lauren's closet. Her clothes were still there so she hadn't left me yet. Going downstairs she was sitting in the kitchen drinking tea and watching the morning news.

"Morning." She said softly as I entered.

"Good morning. Can we talk?" I asked whilst getting myself some coffee.

"I think that would be best."

"Where do we stand? What's going on with us because I don't want to throw away a five year relationship over one bad night?" I said sitting across from her.

"Neither do I, Edward. I love you, it's just I have always wanted a baby." She said looking down into her lap.

"So do I. How do you think I feel knowing that this is my fault, that I'm useless?" She reached across the counter and held my hand.

"You're not useless Edward. I was angry and shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry." Although I was still annoyed at what had happened I nodded.

"We can get through this. The doctor gave us other options." She shook her head.

"I don't want to have to use a sperm donor or adopt. I'm sorry but this isn't what I want anymore." She stood up, completely confusing me.

"What do you mean? I thought you just said that you didn't want to throw our marriage away."

"I don't but there's nothing we can do. I want a baby and you can't give me one. How do you propose we go from here?"

"I don't know…marriage counselling?" She shrugged.

"Set it up and we'll try it." With that Lauren left the room and I needed some time to get away from here and this house.

I grabbed a pair of jeans from the laundry room and a fresh t-shirt before slipping on some shoes, snagging my keys from the hall and taking my phone. Flicking through my contact list I phoned Alice for someone to talk to.

"Hey Eddie, what can I do for you?" She chimed down the phone.

"I was just wondering what you were up to."

"I'm having coffee at Bella's and eating all her chocolates with Rose. You should come over!"

"I don't know…that would be intruding."

"No it wouldn't…hold on. Bella can Edward come over?" I never heard her response but then Alice was back. "She lives at 26 Westbrook Road North, will you find it?"

"Yeah, I'll be there shortly." With that she hung up and I made my way to my car. I wasn't sure why I was heading over to Bella's but I was maybe just for some good company, whatever.

On arrival at Bella's Alice came rushing out and pulled me into the house claiming that I had to try these amazing chocolates and that they were heaven sent. Entering the kitchen Bella was standing by the fridge laughing with the guy from last night called Jasper and Rose was eating a few of the chocolates laid out on the baking trays.

"Hey, come on in." Bella said. "Help yourself to the chocolates, I'm just letting Alice and Rose try out the ones they like."

"Yeah we are going to find the best ones then order batches from Bella and give them away to clientele with her business card, hopefully promoting her business." Alice beamed, pleased with herself.

I sat down and watched as the four of them laughed and chatted together. Bella's house was full of such warmth compared to my home which was cold and empty. Lauren would never have people over like this, we would need to have planned ahead in advance so she could make sure everything was sparkling and nothing was out of place.

"You okay?" Bella asked, pulling me from my thoughts. I glanced around the kitchen and noticed Rose was on the phone in the other room and Alice was helping Jasper make up some batch of something.

"Yeah… I think." She patted my arm and pulled me into the other room.

"Want to talk about it?" I smiled softly and nodded replaying how things went this morning.

"So you're going to try marriage counselling?"

"Yeah. If it will help then I'll try it. I do not want to give up on my marriage this soon."

"That makes sense. How long have you two been together?"

"Five years." Though thinking back it seemed much shorter.

"Do you think she's ready to give up on you?"

"I want to say no but that's just wishful thinking. We've hit a fork in the road and she's going one way and I'm going the other."

"Don't worry Edward, things will all work out eventually. On a happier note I think your sister is smitten with Jasper." I chuckled and nodded, looking back into the kitchen with those two smiling adorningly at each other.

"Is he single?"

"Yep. I take it she is too?"

"Oh yeah, Alice likes to be very careful when it comes to dating. She's quite picky with her men."

"But do you think she likes Jazz?"

"Oh yeah. I got that impression last night. I was sure she was flirting with him but doing it in such a way that he was oblivious to it." She chuckled and nodded.

"I don't think I've seen him that flustered before."

"Bella I smell chocolates. Where are they?!" The big burly guy I saw yesterday said, bursting into the room.

"Hi Emmett. This is Edward, Edward this is Emmett." He shook my hand and smiled. "The chocolates are in the kitchen.

"Thanks babe." He scampered off and we heard Jasper scolding him for eating so many at one time.

"Sorry about him. His priorities are friends, food, and fooling around." She shook her head at his antics.

"It's alright. He seems like a decent guy." I said, watching as Rose and Emmett started talking about something.

"Oh he is, very sweet but you wouldn't think that from his size. I hate to say it but I think he's going to hit on your friend." She said embarrassed.

"That's alright; Rose can certainly take care of herself. No man in their right mind would take on an angry Rose." She frowned. "Just watch."

We both looked on as Emmett whispered something in her ear before being kneed in the crotch. He doubled over and laughed as Rose looked on smugly at her handiwork.

"Talk to me like that again and I'll castrate you." She spat at him before taking a seat and sipping her water.

"Wow, you're one hell of a girl." Emmett said, chuckling as he caught his breath back. "Bella where did you find her, she's great?"

Rose smiled slightly and helped Emmett up, feeling happy with his compliments then they both started talking about god only knows what.

"Okay I see what you mean. But how did you know she was going to do that?" Bella asked.

"I know Rose too well and the look Emmett shot her when he entered the kitchen just gave the game away. Loads of guys try their luck and over the years she's had to learn how to defend herself."

"She ever done that to you?" I chuckled and nodded, remembering back a few years.

"Yeah I grabbed her hand to stop her walking in front of a car and in return she thought I was some pervert trying to grab her so punched me in the stomach and pushed me to the ground before standing on my chest swearing that if I ever touched her again she's kick my ass. Then she noticed it was me and helped me up." Bella laughed and ruffled my hair.

"Poor you, beaten up by a girl." I shook my head and ignored her.

"I hope my sister hasn't been too intrusive today."

"Not at all. She's great and incredibly cheerful all the time." That was definitely true.

"Bella do you want to come to the work event we're hosting on Saturday?" Alice asked popping her head around the door.

"Eh…yeah okay."

"Great! Jasper you'll come too right?" We never heard his reply but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't say no.

"So what is this thing on Saturday?" Bella asked.

"It's a shareholder's party, exceedingly dull and boring but we have to go, Alice more than anyone since she runs the company. Basically it's a night of free food and alcohol for any guest there."

"Oh right. Will you be there?" I nodded.

"I have to go, got to keep the Cullen Empire status up and running. If I didn't show they would think there was a problem and our stock would plummet."

"Are you going to take your wife?"

"I have to. If I didn't do that then they would know something was up. I have to keep on the perfect mask, can't let anyone know I have faults." I murmured. Bella rubbed my arm and went to get me some chocolates to make me feel better. It did the trick but I still had to deal with my problems sooner or later.

This was a good escape, getting away from my troubles by forgetting about the issues at home. Although I now that they aren't going to go away by themselves but I don't know what else to do. My entire marriage lies in Lauren's hands. If she decides to end this then so be it, I have no choice. I have a funny feeling that she no longer loves me, just the security I can provide for her until she finds a better husband, one who can give her what I can't.

My life looks rather bleak from here on out. I've gained a few friends I think but I've lost my wife in the process. Five years down the drain in just 24 hours. The problem is even though things are falling apart I still love Lauren and that just seems wrong now. Clearly she doesn't love me but I can't instantly fall out of love with her again.

She is my wife, the woman I promised to love until the day I die. But then again she did promise me to love me through sick and health and I think me being infertile falls under that and clearly she's given up on me.

Maybe I've been looking about this the wrong way. Maybe love and trust doesn't exist like I thought it did. I trusted Lauren to never hurt me or leave me but she's done one and close to doing the other. Any day I'm expecting divorce papers to be lying on my desk ready to sign.

There are only four people I trust now, Alice, Rose, and my parents. But yet I can't get the courage to tell them my biggest fault as a man. The only person I'm comfortable knowing about that is Bella yet I don't know why I trust her so much. She could easily betray me but I'm under the impression that she won't, that she's better than that, she wouldn't sink that low to hurt me.

I probably will get to know Bella more as Alice is getting so close to her but I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing. I have complete trust in a stranger so have given her the power to hurt me and that doesn't seem wise. But yet when I look at Bella I don't think she could hurt a fly. There's just something there that other people lack, that Lauren certainly lacks, and I'm desperate to know what it is.

A.N.

Not much happened but we're getting there…slowly.


	3. Chapter 3: Other Ideas

_Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Give Me A Little Trust**

**Chapter Three: Other Ideas**

_Bella's POV_

I had just finished cleaning the kitchen when Edward, Alice and Jasper walked in. Jasper was looking smitten at Alice as she sat down at the counter with everyone joining her.

"What you cooking Bella?" Alice asked while Edward gave me a small smile.

"I just cooked a new batch of chocolates. " She gave me a small pleading smile, trying to see if she could have some. I rolled my eyes and moved the baking tray over causing her to beam at me.

"Thank you!" She and Jasper then sparked up some conversation quietly together, giving me a chance to talk to Edward.

It had been a week since we last saw each other and I have to say he looked worse than last time. He had dark purple patches under his eyes and looked like he could do with a good sleep and rest.

"Hi." I mumbled, brushing m hair out of my face.

"Hey." He smiled but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "Can we talk?" Edward asked softly. I nodded just as Alice gasped, capturing our full attention.

"I'm late! God sorry Bella, I have to go." With that she grabbed Jasper's hand and they both left together.

"Have a seat." I said motioning to the stools around the kitchen counter.

"Thanks."

"So what's been going on with you?" I asked as he rubbed his shoulders and the back of his neck.

"Marriage counselling." He frowned in pain, his hand focusing on one part of his neck.

"Here, let me help you." I walked round and started massaging his shoulders. He groaned on touch and relaxed instantly.

"She called me out on everything. She blames me for being infertile, says I'm emotionally cut off, have no feeling, and am more obsessed with my work than with her." He sighed as I moved my hands further over his shoulders.

"It's not like I want to work as much as I do. I just have to otherwise it's hard to sustain the life we lead. Everything I've done, I've done it for her. When I had the opportunity to take over a whole new financial department she insisted it would be good for me even when I told her that it would involve me working so much more." He slumped forward and for some reason I felt like wrapping my arms round him. He spun round and embraced me.

This is obviously really hard on him and he clearly has no other outlet in his normal life. His wife certainly doesn't notice the harm she's doing to her husband.

"God what would I do without you?" He questioned, laying his head in the crook of my neck.

We had become rather close friends over the past week and were now at a point were now at a point where we could share almost anything even though we are practically strangers. Neither of us knows a lot about the other's life but yet I know some things he refuses to tell his closest friends and family.

"Have you decided on what you two are going to do about having a baby or children?"

"Lauren says we need to decide if we are going to stay together or separate before we make that decision. She's still against sperm donors and to be honest so am I but I would be very happy to adopt, though she isn't. Lauren doesn't seem to think it's her responsibility as a mother to raise someone else's baby. But to me a baby it still a baby that needs parents to love and care for it."

He looked into my eyes and I could see the deep green eyes of his. They weren't my favourite emerald green however, instead they were racing green.

"We have another three weeks of marriage counselling and if that doesn't help then Lauren wants to take a break for a month. She just wants to get away from us and have fun with her friends to see if that helps things for when she gets back."

"I don't want to lose my wife Bella. Even though things are in turmoil right now I still love her. I just don't think she loves me anymore and I don't know what to do about it. Tonight though I'm going to take her to diner and I have a gift for her. To be honest I'm just trying to keep her from leaving me."

"I know things are bad right now but they will get better in time. Maybe you two are just going through a rough patch but will eventually get out of it. You two probably just need more time for the dust to settle." I said looking softly at him.

"Sorry I've been talking a lot about me. Tell me what's going on with you?" He asked.

"Nothing really. The usual, more orders for chocolates. In fact my business has almost doubled since Alice put my business cards in with the chocolates I made for her." He smiled but this time it did reach his eyes.

"What are you doing tomorrow night?" I asked, trying to keep him happy.

"Nothing, Lauren's going out with friends."

"Why not come out with Emmett, Jasper and me?"

"That would be good, thanks. Could I invite Alice and Rose?"

"Of course. I'm sure the guys would love to see them." I said while he kept smiling.

"Thanks Bella. I don't know how you do it but every time I talk to you I feel more relaxed, as though I can push my problems aside for a while." He gave me a hug before leaving.

I don't know how to help him but I couldn't understand what he saw in his wife. To me, she seemed rude, ungrateful and without any compassion, which I think Edward needs after finding out he's infertile. Even if I couldn't do anything to directly help I would be there to listen to him when he needs me.

_Edward's POV_

I had arranged for a table at the restaurant where I proposed to Lauren. At home I had put one box with a brand new cocktail dress on the hall counter along with one jewellery box and a new pair of shoes.

After leaving Bella's I called Lauren's personal shopper and got her to get all the things for me before dropping them off so that I could set them up. On top of the boxes I wrote a note telling Lauren that we had diner reservations for eight o'clock and that I would be at the restaurant waiting for her.

Though at eight thirty I was beginning to think that Lauren hadn't gotten said note.

The waitresses were looking at me with pitiful eyes and coming over far too often to flirt. They didn't seem put off when I waved them away, clearly showing my wedding ring. By nine o'clock I had gone through two baskets of bread and a bottle of water yet Lauren had still not shown.

"I'm sorry sir but you've been here an hour and your guest hasn't shown, we need the table." I nodded at the waiter and gathered my things up before leaving money and exiting the restaurant.

Unfortunately I was met with photographers who seemed to be relishing in the fact that I had been stood up. Luckily for me they didn't know who had stood me up. I they knew it was my wife then they would be having a field day at my expense.

Arriving home I saw the table where I place all the stuff on but it was clear. So Lauren had gotten m gifts, why then didn't she show up? Shaking my head I walked up stairs and checked the rooms only to find them empty. I called her cell phone but it went straight to her answer machine. It must have been off. Ignoring the bad feeling I had in my chest I went straight to my office and loaded up my laptop.

Five hours later I was still working when I heard somebody stumbling around in the hall. When I walked out I saw Lauren in the dress I had bought for her and she was also wearing the necklace and new shoes. She was so drunk though that she was struggling to walk straight. My husband instincts kicked in so I picked her up and carried her up the stairs to our bedroom. By the time we were at the top of the stairs she was sound asleep. I undressed her and settled her in bed before going downstairs to shut up the house.

Throwing away the remains of scrap paper I was working on I saw the note I left crumpled at the bottom of the bin in my office. So this is how things were going to be from now on then. I guess I better forget about things getting better as Lauren obviously has other ideas.

A.N.

Short but the next one will be longer.


	4. Chapter 4: Temptation

_Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer._

**Give Me A Little Trust**

**Chapter Four: Temptation**

_Edward's POV_

This man is completely incompetent. I swear he has the hots for my wife, and is agreeing with everything she's saying. I'm the one paying him £250 per hour yet I have to sit here and watch as he and Lauren flirt back and forth.

So far today we have covered things Lauren and I agreed on, more problems with my work and Lauren's obsession with carrying a baby and being pregnant rather that adopting. I've probably said about ten words in total throughout this two hour session, but they seem to have come to an agreement that my opinion no longer matters. Who cares that it's my marriage on the line? They certainly don't.

Replaying the conversation I had with Lauren this morning in bed was like pulling teeth but I don't know where I went wrong.

"Does this matter to you anymore?" I questioned as she fluffed up her pillow.

"Yes, of course it does. You're my husband."

"Well it doesn't feel like it." She looked at me apologetically and kissed me softly.

"I'm sorry Edward. Things have just been…stressful, and I know it's not your fault so I'll stop taking it out on you." She kissed me again and moved her hands up my chest. "I'll try and be a better wife."

The soft kisses and caresses were gone and filled with lust and passion. I was leaning over Lauren, kissing my way down between her breasts when she shoved me and yelled stop.

"I can't do that yet, Edward. Don't you see that every time I think of sex I think of the baby we can't make?" The bathroom door slammed behind her and I was left to handle a very obvious bulge in my boxers.

One cold shower took care of it but I still couldn't work out how we went from kissing like there was nothing wrong to her storming away. It wasn't like I initiated that or was forcing Lauren to do anything. But alas, that would have to wait. Apparently we're not scheduled to talk about our sex lives, or lack of, until next week. What a riot that session is going to be.

"Well I think that's it for today. Progress is being made, don't worry." I stood up and shook his hand before leaving. The only progress being made was him trying to make his way into my wife's pants. Sleazy bastard.

The car journey back home was silent and the after effects of this morning in bed was hanging between us. I wasn't going to bring it up. Why would I when I repulse my wife sexually? That's just what every guy wants to know.

"You can just drop me here; I'm meeting the girls for lunch." I pulled over and Lauren jumped out without a look back. Sighing I drove through the city, back to my office. I figured I may as well get some work done.

Alice was leaning back in my chair with her feet on the desk when I walked into my office. She was flicking through spreadsheets and I knew she had no idea what she was actually looking at.

"Where you been, Eddie?" She asked innocently.

"Meeting." It wasn't technically a lie.

"Really? But in your schedule it says 'personal' over that two and a half hour slot."

"I was with Lauren." She smiled as I hung my jacket up on the hook behind the door.

"Aww, my big bro happy in love." How wrong she was. "Anyway I just came to remind you about tonight, with Bella, Jazz, Emmett, and Rose." I frowned.

"When was Rose invited?"

"I invited her when Jazz asked me. Anyway, you won't bail on us will you?" She asked pleadingly.

"No, Alice. I won't bail on you. I said I'll be there, and I will."

"Good!" She smiled, kissed me on the cheek, and then pranced out the door.

Work was slow and I just wanted to get out of there. By six I was home and showered, just getting ready to go. My job that evening was to pick up Alice, Rose and Bella since I didn't want to drink. The three of them were all at Bella's house as it made things easier for me.

They hopped in, Alice and Rose in the back while Bella sat in the front with me. Rose was wearing an ever classic mid thigh red dress, Alice was in a small black dress that as her brother I didn't approve of, and Bella was in a similar dress to Alice except it was blue and she looked really nice in it. Only nice, as I'm a married man and would never fall to temptation, no matter how much Lauren pushes me away.

We parked a few streets away and met Jasper and Emmett waiting outside the club. Alice, being Alice, had us in the VIP section within seconds of entering. Emmett went to get everyone drinks while we all sat round a booth, looking out over the abyss of dancing bodies to the music. Once we were all back at the table with drinks in hand Alice declared we should dance.

"No, you guys go. I'll watch our drinks." Bella said, taking a sip of her martini. Alice frowned but Bella reassured her she would be fine.

"I'll stay with you." I said as the four of them made their way over to join the body abyss.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I don't really feel like dancing anyway."

"Been that type of day again?" She asked as I rubbed my eyes.

"Yep. It's becoming normal."

"Counseling?"Bella asked hopefully.

"Failing miserably." I answered glumly.

"I don't know what to do for you." Bella admitted.

"You can't do anything. You're not my wife." She nodded and slowly ran her hand over my back in a soothing manner. Rose and Emmett sat down and grabbed their drinks, finishing them in one.

"It's so hot out there." Rose said, taking Alice's drink. "You two should go dance, we'll stay here." She suggested. I could tell from the look in Rose's eye though that it was a direct order to leave her and Emmett alone.

Politely I led Bella to the packed dance floor and attempted to dance among the masses. All I achieved to do was rub my body against hers and frankly that was the last thing I needed to do, especially when she's wearing that dress. My body reacted immediately and I tried to step back. My mind was repeating over and over in my head that I had a wife, Lauren.

I don't cheat and refuse to even look at another woman who raises the possibility of me straying. Unfortunately Bella seems to be causing that problem for me and there is no way I am willing to lose my friendship over lustful thoughts.

A surge of people in front of me pushed Bella flat into my chest and from the widen of her eyes I could tell she felt the problem I was having in the front of my jeans.

"I'm sorry." I said quickly before walking away, out to the VIP terrace. Looking down over the private gardens below in shame I heard Bella approach me from behind.

"Edward, wait."

"I'm sorry…maybe I should just go." I said trying to walk past her.

"No, hold on." Bella placed her hands on my chest and wouldn't let me walk forward. "What…what happened back there?"

"I'm pretty sure you felt what happened." I said, avoiding looking into her eyes. She blushed but shook her head.

"Edward what I mean is-"

"I know what you mean. I'm sorry. Things at the moment have been a little difficult…sexually and I don't know…my natural instincts took over. I guess I've been sexually repressed for far too long. I didn't mean for that to happen and I'm mortified that it did." She hugged and pulled back smiling softly.

"Forget about it. Obviously you're having more problems than I realized and I guess it's natural."

"You're not offended?" I asked warily.

"Well…no. Should I be?"

"I guess not. But maybe you should since we're friends my body was clearly thinking of you as more than a friend."

"Just your body or your mind too?" Bella was eyeing me carefully and I knew if I answered wrong that could be the end to our friendship.

"Body." Though my mind was thinking about it, but she didn't need to know that.

"See, everything's fine. It was just animal instinct and there is no problem here. You're not attracted to me right now are you?" I glanced over her quickly.

"No." I said as my body raged for me to touch her.

"So no problem. Let's just delete that incident and pretend it never happened. Instead of dancing we came out here, sound good?"

"Yeah, sounds good." She took her hands off my chest and I instantly missed the contact but pushed that thought aside as I tried to get control of the lust running through me. Thanks to that problem this morning with Lauren running out I've been practically turned on all day and that is not a situation I want to be in again.

We made our way back to the booth and sat down again with everyone. Another round of drinks had been bought and there was a tray of shots there as well. It was obviously going to be one of those nights for everyone. Luckily for me I got to sit back and watch as they all got drunk. For once I was relieved I wouldn't be joining in the shots; who knows what might have happened if I became drunk and was around Bella in that tempting dress. I would probably turn into someone else as I would never cheat but clearly that other Edward would.

"Right, shots first." Emmett declared, handing them out so the five of them each had an equal amount in front of them. "And for you Edward we got six shots of water, so you can play to." He said, sliding them towards me. I picked each one up and smelt them, making sure they were water and not vodka before agreeing on anything.

"So basically, we each ask a question and if the answer is yes you drink, if it's no them you don't. Pretty simple, but fun. Who wants to go first?" Emmett glanced at us all and noticed none of us volunteering so decided he would ask the first question.

"Would you have sex with another person at this table?" Alice, Jasper, Rose and Emmett all drank, leaving Bella and I just sitting there.

"I'll go next." Alice said, eyeing Bella and me carefully. "Have you ever fantasized about someone at this table?" Again my sister caught my eye then looked at Bella, I knew what she was implying but was not going to acknowledge it.

I did have to drink though; I had fantasized about Bella and Rose when we were younger and dating. Everyone else at the table drank and I only assumed Bella had fantasized about Jasper or Emmett when they were growing up. It was obvious who the other four had thought about; they should all just hook up and stop trying to be sly.

It's blatantly obvious from anyone who has eyes that Rose and Emmett practically want to rip each other's clothes off and that Jasper and Alice are crazy about one another. They should just admit their feelings and have it off already.

"Have you ever broken the law?" Jasper asked, watching who reached for their next shot.

Alice, Rose and I all drank. We all broke the law by speeding or other driving penalties. It's our love of fast cars that got us into trouble.

"Emmett, shouldn't you be drinking?" Bella pointed out.

"Now why would you say that?" He asked, trying to be innocent.

"Because you were arrested for noise complaint, disrupting the peace, indecent exposure or something like that, vandalism, breaking and entering-"

"My own home!" He said, trying to defend himself.

"-several driving offences and for assault."

"Okay, you're making me out to be a criminal here. For starters the noise complaint, I learned the bagpipes, apparently they are noise pollution and when I refused to stop playing them the neighbors went mental and called the cops. Second, disrupting the peace- it was a dare. Indecent exposure, another dare. Vandalism, I did that when I was fifteen and stupid. Breaking and entering my own home doesn't count and I only did it because I left my keys. Driving offences…who cares, no one got hurt. The assault was different, that guy had it coming."

"I'll give you the assault but apart from that you have broken the law either way. Now drink." He did somewhat glumly, anxiously watching Rose's response to all of his past. She didn't seem bothered one bit.

"Just to clarify, I've never done any time and have never been to court." He said somewhat proudly.

"Anyway, Edward it's your question." Bella pointed out before Emmett started ranting.

"Em…have you ever joined the mile high club?"

Emmett, Rose, Alice and Jasper all drank. I frowned at Alice and she just shrugged before saying it was none of my business. I really didn't want to know anyway.

"Wait, you haven't?" She asked, looking at my untouched shot of water.

"No."

"But you and Lauren take the company jet all the time, are you seriously telling me that you two haven't got a little adventurous thousands of miles up?"

"Nope. But I take it that you have?" Her cheeks tinged a little.

"Don't tell our parents."

"I won't." I'm sure they would love to know Alice had it off somewhere in the jet the next time they're traveling anywhere.

"Bella?"

"Nope, I'm not a big fan of flying so sex up there just doesn't appeal."

"Okay, my question." Rose declared, I could only sit and wait to hear what painful question she would ask. "Drink if you haven't had sex in a month."

Jasper, Bella and I were the only ones who didn't drink. Alice shot me a curious glance, clearly wondering what the hell is wrong with my marriage as I tried to avoid it and look away. Unfortunately I looked at Bella and she was finally on the same page as me with my sexually repressed problems, just what I wanted. This was night was going from bad to worse.

"Bella, you're question." Emmett said.

"Ever been tempted when you knew it was wrong?" I drank immediately and so did she. Emmett, Alice and Rose all did as well. Poor Jasper had three shots left.

"Well you're just innocent, aren't you?" Alice said, running her hand over his arm. "Don't worry, I'll corrupt you soon enough." That I had no doubt about.

She pulled him up by his shirt and moved him on to the dance floor why he was mesmerized by the movement of her hips. He was putty in her hands and she knew it. Hopefully she wouldn't play with him then discard him; I think he's more like a keeper for Alice.

"Let's talk." Bella whispered, moving away from the table, as I followed her.

"What is it?" I asked once we were in a quieter and more secluded area.

"The last drink…temptation." I knew where she was going with this. "Was that tonight or not?"

"It was-" My phone started buzzing in my pocket. "Sorry, hold on a sec." Answering the call and putting it to my ear I heard Lauren's slurred voice.

"Edward, be a doll and pick me up."

"Where are you?"

"The Four Seasons."

"Want to tell me what you're doing there?" Though I had a funny feeling I already knew.

"Met some folks…look, will you come or not?"

"I'll be there in fifteen, stay in the lobby."

"No don't worry I'll stay in this suite for another ten before coming down." She hung up and I sighed.

"I've got to go, Lauren needs me." Bella nodded in understanding. "Will you be okay to get home?"

"Yeah, we'll just get a taxi or something." She said shrugging.

"I'll send a car for you."

"No really, you don't have to." Bella said shaking her head.

"I know, but I want to." She smiled her thanks and kissed my cheek.

"Go." I took three steps before turning back to her.

"You tempt me Bella, but as long as I'm married nothing can happen. I'm sorry if this affects our friendships but I want you to know that you don't go unnoticed by me." Then I walked away, leaving her, to go fetch Lauren.

A.N.

Thanks to bronzehairedgirl620 for beta-ing this chapter.


	5. Chapter 5: Thrown Out

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer

_Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer._

**Give Me A Little Trust**

**Chapter Five: Throw Out**

Everyone feels miserable at one point in their life, and all they can do is hope it doesn't last long. Though miserable is the only emotion I seem to be feeling and I can barely recall what I was like before all of this happened. Who knew that not being able to have a baby would crush a strong marriage in seconds?

Which leads onto the thought of my wife, Lauren. I'll sit and take it. I'll deal with the smell of other men's cologne on her clothes, the trashing attitude towards me, the ability to make me feel as small as a pin, the intense glares of hatred that I so commonly see, and the way she has to make me hate myself for condemning this on us. We were happy, in love and buzzing to start our new life. So what the hell happened?

I failed her; I failed as a man, as a basic human being by not being able to have children. These thoughts weren't new but they still hurt like the first time I thought of them, like a jellyfish constantly stinging.

I was a wounded animal, down and out, with no escape. I wonder if that's how prey would feel when they know there is no escape from their predator. In this case I was both prey and predator. I was helpless because of myself and I was the problem in the first place.

Watching Lauren sleep off her hangover gave me plenty time to think. She was out cold and had been vomiting all night, which meant I was the one holding her hair up. This didn't matter to me; we made a commitment when we married to love each other no matter what so I was sticking with my end. I didn't say those vows just to suddenly take them back. They meant something to me, just like she does.

Though I have to wonder if I mean anything to her; probably not. She looks at me with hatred and I know that we are no longer happily married like we used to be. That's gone, and in place we have this bitterness, but it's all one sided. She could rebel against us as much as she liked, it still didn't change the fact that we were married.

I doubt Lauren would leave me. She likes the security and I know that deep down she still loves me. I just need to shift through all the crap to get there. I'm just tired. Tired of being the only one trying here to salvage this. We've spoken and spoken about it but she still feels the need to blame it all on me or brush it off as nothing. I'm getting sick of it. Sick of being treated like crap when it's not really my fault.

Lauren rolled over in the bed while I sat on the armchair across from her, watching as her chest moved up and down with each breath. I'd sat here all night being there for her when she needed me. I wasn't just going to let her be sick on herself. But now the after effects of sitting upright in a chair the whole night and staying awake were beginning to hurt. My back was throbbing with pain, my neck felt too heavy for my head, my shoulders were sore, my eyelids were drooping every so often with no luck of trying to fall asleep and I felt like I hadn't slept in weeks.

"Why didn't you come to bed?" Lauren asked in a hoarse voice before taking a sip of water that I'd put on her bedside table.

"I didn't want you to be sick on me."

"Oh, is that what the smell is?" I nodded once. "What's wrong with you?" She was glaring at me.

"What do you think?"

"I don't know, that's why I asked." She snapped back.

"How about me finding my drunken wife in a hotel suite and then having to stay up all night looking after her? Or if that doesn't do it how about you ruining my night out then screaming abuse at me all the way home? Take your pick." I said icily.

"I cannot believe you're mad about last night. I'm the one who should be mad!"

"What?!"

"Because you were out cheating on me!"

I laughed hollowly. "That's bullshit and you know it."

"No I don't know it Edward! You were screwing some cheap girl while I was trying to do business."

"What's your business? Are you a hooker now?!" I yelled.

"Don't you dare talk to me like that!" She lunged the phone off the nightstand and it smacked me in the head. "Get out! Get out of my house now." I cursed from the pain and shook my head.

"Not a chance. This is my house; if you don't want to see me then you go."

"Aghh!" She then grabbed the glass of water and threw it, followed by a few books, the light which smashed on the floor as it was plugged in, and then she got up off the bed. "I hate you!" She screamed, walking into the walk-in-wardrobe.

I was fuming, but currently occupied as the glass she threw hit my knee and I could feel the glass shards in my skin. I was also soaked but that didn't seem like a big priority. When the door didn't slam I was surprised so looked up and was struck on the head again, this time by a stiletto.

They kept coming thick and fast along with her protests and screams of hatred. I'd had enough; there was blood dripping down my head from one of the heels, cuts on my knee, I was wet, tired, angry, and quickly losing my temper. I would never hit a woman so decided it was time to get the hell out of there.

"Fine, you want me to go, I'll go!" I yelled, trying to block the offending shoe flying through the air. Lauren stopped throwing things and came out looking angrily at me.

"I want you gone in five minutes or I'm calling the police." She stormed from the room before I had a chance to say anything. Shaking my head I walked into the wardrobe and grabbed two suitcases.

Putting them open on the bed I made my way back and forth, dropping clothes, books, shoes and other items from my bedroom I'd need. After I'd gathered the vital things I nipped down stairs with the cases, placed them by the door before going into my office. I grabbed a big cardboard box; one used for transporting goods like dishwashers, etc. and started packing up my work. I placed the PC in the box, leaving the keyboard, mouse and screen then added my laptop and cables.

The box was heavy and I had to slide it across the floor, rather than lift it at this point. Lauren was standing by the door, holding it open with three sets of keys in her hands. I moved them all outside to the parked cars and went back to see what she was going to say.

"These are your keys to your Aston Martin, Volvo and the SUV you'll have to take to get all your stuff out of here." I nodded and headed out, hearing the lock click behind me.

Now what?

Sighing, I moved my suitcases and pushed the box over to the SUV before opening up the trunk and just managing to get the box in. Then I opened the back door and placed the suitcases onto the backseats. With that done I got into the car and headed downtown, towards my office.

For some reason I always felt the need to keep a spare set of keys to every property I own in the safe at work. This was now coming in handy and once had entered the six- digit code I had access to the different real estate I had purchased over the years. The best choice would have been somewhere close, so grabbing the keys and nipping back to the car I drove round the block to the apartment complex that would now be my home while Lauren and I sorted our marriage out.

Luckily the lift was working and I had no problem getting all my belongings up to the penthouse apartment. The place was cold and eerie when I entered, with fake flowers centered in the dining room table and fake plants dotted around the place. Of course there wasn't much here but minimal furniture, which I expected.

Putting away all my clothes took no time at all and then I moved on to rearranging the main room. It was a joint living/dining/kitchen and since I had no use whatsoever for the dining room I was planning on converting it into an office.

I pushed the table towards the windows, giving me a great look over the city, and set it up like a desk. There was a computer here but it wasn't much use to me so I took the monitor, keyboard, and mouse for that and placed them onto the large table. Organizing and filing my paperwork was easy as it just consisted of two piles on my makeshift desk, 'read' and 'unread'. Adding a lamp and a few other things that would come in handy it was perfect for what would now be my office.

The living room now looked off so I spent about twenty minutes moving that about so that it no longer looked so unusual. When I was finally content with what the apartment looked like I then didn't know what do to. No one knew I lived here now, and I was praying no one would find out, especially my family, so I couldn't invite someone over. Well…maybe one person.

"Hello?" Bella answered after three rings.

"Hey Bella its Edward. I hope I'm not bothering you."

"Nope not at all. What can I do for you?"

"Uh…I was wondering if you wanted to come round for dinner." Only realizing after I said this that there was no food in the apartment.

"Sure, that would be great. Is Alice and them going?"

"Not exactly and I'd kinda like it if they didn't know."

"Oh, right. Is everything okay Edward, you seem a bit off?"

"Some things have happened; I'll inform you when you get here." With that I gave her the address and then went out to buy food.

Within forty minutes Bella had arrived and was sitting with me in the lounge. I really should have taken her out for dinner since I am using my table as a desk, god I'm an idiot. Dinner was cooking away in the oven and could be unattended while I came and spoke to her.

"What happened to your face?" Bella asked worryingly, lightly brushing the cut from the stiletto.

"Lauren."

"She did that to you?"

I nodded. "She threw a shoe at me; I guess she has better aim than I thought." I tried to make light of the situation but Bella wasn't having it.

"I'm sorry Edward; you shouldn't have to put up with that." She placed her hand on my knee and I cursed. That was one thing I never did, check my knee out for the glass shards.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I said nonchalantly.

"When some when says mother fu-er it does not mean nothing." She gave me a challenging look, asking me to defy her.

"Fine it's my knee."

"What's wrong with it?"

"Well, you see these holes in the material, they were made from glass which I'm pretty sure is in my leg. But not to worry, I'll be fine."

"Puh! As if. Show me." She demanded.

"How?" I asked, shrugging.

"Take of your pants."

"Whoa, no way."

"Oh come on Edward, it's just to see your knee." There must have been another way but she was waiting so I stood up and undid my pants, letting them fall to the floor around my ankles as I sat back down.

My knee looked quite ghastly. There were definite cuts and glass pieces in my skin, light trails of dried blood running down my leg and around the area of each cut. Bruising was starting to show as well and I was rather repulsed to see this offending knee attached to my body.

"Ow." Bella stated. "You got a first aid kit?"

"Yeah, in the bathroom." She came back, dumped the first aid kit on the couch next to me, went to the kitchen and grabbed a big bowl, filling it with water and taking a fresh cloth.

"What are you going to do to me?" I asked, eyeing everything she had.

"I'm going to heal you up the best I can. If I don't think its good enough then we're going to the hospital."

"There's really no need for that."

"I knew you'd protest. That's why I'm doing this. Now lie across the couch." She ordered. I did as I was told and watched as Bella knelt next to me.

She placed the cloth into the warm water then lightly washed my knee and cuts, trying to be as gentle as possible. After that things got bloody sore. She took a cotton wool pad from the first aid kit, doused it in antiseptic lotion then wiped each cut individually. It felt like someone had put salt or lemon juice in them.

"Sorry, it'll just take a minute." Eventually the pain subsided and then Bella took out a needle and some tweezers.

"What are you doing?!" I asked with wide eyes.

"You have a few cuts with glass shards in them. I have to take it out."

"What? No you don't leave them there." She laughed and shook her head.

"Not a chance."

"Where did you learn how to do this?"

"I've had a lot of accidents over the years and I decided to take a first –aid course to save me time with all my injuries. Lucky for you these shards aren't deep, otherwise we would be in the hospital waiting room. They're just on the surface so it shouldn't hurt too much."

With that she quickly pulled a small piece of glass out, causing me to almost howl in pain. Almost. Bella made quick work of the rest of them and I thought I was in the clear from all the pain but then she took more antiseptic lotion and burnt the cuts to hell.

"Done! Can I just say thank god you didn't bleed much?"

"What do you mean?" I pulled up my pants and redid the belt.

"I get nauseous when I smell blood and can pass out, I'm just glad it never happened."

"Me too." That really could have been a disaster.

"Though if your knee is causing you a few problems you should go see a doctor or go to the hospital. I would hate to later find that I had missed something and you have a glass shard stuck somewhere."

"Oh god!" I groaned, looking at the clock.

"What?"

"Dinner will be burnt." Bella smiled and shook her head.

"I turned the oven down when I was fetching this stuff. It'll be perfect."

And it was. Everything was cooked to perfection and for that night I finally had a decent dinner with someone who wanted my company and not just because of my money.

Bella was a lovely change and considering what happened with Lauren today I would gather that we might be getting a lot closer.

A.N.

Thanks to bronzehairedgirl620 for beta-ing the chapter.


	6. Chapter 6: Checked Out

_Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer._

**Give Me A Little Trust**

**Chapter Six: Checked Out**

_Edward's POV_

It was officially happening; we were going to have to go to court and get a divorce. Lauren dished up the papers and I was sent a copy at work. That was a real surprise, looking through the spreadsheets to suddenly find my divorce papers, already signed by Lauren.

I shouldn't have been surprised since things had gone from bad to worse. We started off arguing and then she turned to throwing me out, that's really not an improvement. I've tried to make this work but clearly she's giving up. In all honesty, it hurts.

If someone had told me on my wedding day that it would end in divorce I would never have believed them. Back then we were the perfect couple. Lauren was amazing, a godsend, nothing like she is right now. I remember her on our wedding day, walking down the aisle with such confidence and looking so radiant. I was head over heels for her and she knew it. Though the feeling was mutual.

But now we're getting divorced. Gone is the image of my perfect bride and in replace is one of a woman who hates my guts. The only problem is I still love her. I still remember waking up next to her every day, the first date we went on, the first time we made love, the first holiday we went on together, our first apartment, and all the other firsts we had.

I would have said Lauren was the one, but clearly I'm not the one for her. Maybe she'll find what she's looking for, a man whose sperm works. Hell, she could pick any man off the street and she could probably get pregnant by them, apart from me. Who would want that? Who would want a man that they could never have children with?

I mean, that's what we're here for. What woman would tie themselves down to a man who couldn't give them a baby? No one. So by losing Lauren I'm destined to be alone. Granted I will have relationships but they could be nothing serious. No woman would want me for longer than a fling.

With all that said and done I couldn't sign the divorce papers. I wasn't ready to yet. It required time and thought to truly abandon my marriage and I'm not sure I can. Then there's the backlash of getting divorced. People will want to know why and I am not up for explaining that it's because I'm infertile. The press would have a field day with that.

Being the focus of the gossip columns is not what I want. Instead I want to be ruling over the Financial Times and doing what I do best, making money. Of course it's not all about the money, I'm not a selfish guy so don't keep everything I earn just for me. With the money the company makes me I donate, sponsor, support organizations and people that need it the most in the local areas so I can see the change taking place and help get involved. Throwing a check with a list of zeros is not going to solve the problem; it also involves time and effort.

With me now living so close to the office I work more than ever so volunteering and getting involved in these groups I've been sponsoring over the years could give me a break from the chaos of my wife wanting rid of me.

The divorce papers were sent to me a week ago but were still unsigned. Signing the papers would mean I would have to admit I failed as a husband. I never fail at anything so this would certainly be a shock.

"Hey Edward." Alice said, prancing into my office.

"Hi." I buried the divorce papers under the files and hoped she didn't notice how I kept them from sight. "What can I do for you?"

"I want to buy Jasper a birthday present but I don't know what he'd like." Rose walked in smiling at us both, picking up what Alice said.

"Let's put you in some sexy underwear and stick a bow on you, he'd love that." I shot her a glare but she just ignored me.

"As your brother I advise you don't do that, I like Jasper; I wouldn't want to kick his ass for sleeping with my sister."

"Oh Eddie, they wouldn't be sleeping." Rose said, gaining another glare. She just laughed it off. "Come on you two, you need to loosen up a bit. Okay well Alice you probably shouldn't but Edward you need to."

"What makes you say that?" I played with my purple tie while she replied.

"Because you're a stick in the mud. You have fun but come on, lately you've been miserable. Get whatever the hell is stuck up your ass out and we'll all be more relaxed." The two of them set themselves down across from me.

"Rose does have a point Edward." Alice said, looking at me

"No, she does not."

"I do, you mope around. Where did our fun Eddie go?" Rose asked.

"He checked out for a while." I answered, a little tired from everything going on in my life.

"Well anyway, I came here to ask you about Jazz's b-day present and to tell you that the guys are having a night in and you're invited." Alice said, grabbing Rose's hand as they made to leave. "Call Bella, she has all the details."

Then they left, leaving me with a headache and another thing to add to my to-do list, though calling Bella was probably the best thing on said list. She answered after a couple of rings and I could tell I had caught her at a bad time as there was a smoke alarm going off in the background and Bella didn't greet me with any of the normal pleasantries but instead a rather rushed 'Hold on please!'.

So I waited, and waited then heard the smoke alarm go off and Bella muttering to herself. After another ten minutes I was unsure of what to do. I had put the phone on loudspeaker and returned to my work while waiting from Bella to come back to the phone.

"Oh god I'm so sorry. Hi, who's this? I totally forgot about the phone; if you haven't gathered things were a little crazy." She rushed out in her frantic voice causing me to chuckle. "Oh, hi Edward."

"Hi Bella." So she could tell who I was from my laugh, that was good to know. "Everything alright now?"

"Yeah. I burnt the chocolates I was making, the oven was on higher than I thought and smoke was everywhere but luckily no fire." She said relieved.

"Well thank god."

"My thoughts exactly. So what can I do for you?"

"Alice told me to call for details about a guy's night." She laughed on the other end. "What's so funny?" I asked.

"Your tone of voice. You're making it seem like it's a night of pure torture." I chuckled, not realizing that's how I come across.

"No I just…I'm not sure about it. I don't know Emmett and Jasper all that well."

"That's why this is your chance to get to know them." She said brightly. "Look honestly all your doing is coming over to my house and playing a bunch of video games, drinking beer, watching sports, playing poker and whatever else you guys want to do. It's not bad."

"Why is it at your house?"

"I have the biggest TV compared to those two so Emmett always claims it for nights like that. I don't mind, I'm use to their antics now. So are you going to go?"

"Yeah, I'd like to get to know your friends better and hopefully you as well. I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go get something to eat or-"

"Edward." Bella said cutting me off. "We can't do anything that could be thought of as a date while you're still married. I'm sorry."

"No, no it's fine." I said a little deflated but I knew she was right. "Sorry for asking and possibly making things uncomfortable between us. I'd still really like to be friends with you."

"Good, 'cause I don't think you're going to get rid of me easily." She said lightly, changing the atmosphere of the conversation to the low point I had brought it to.

"Well, thanks for the details on that, I'll call Emmett or Jasper and see what they say, maybe just get a chance to talk to them outside of when we meet as that's the only time I see or speak to them."

"That would be good."

"So I'll leave you to it. Have a good day Bella."

"You too Edward. Bye."

"Bye." We hung up and I felt like a fool.

I asked her out on a date practically and I'm still married. Hell, I'm still trying to salvage my marriage so why the hell would I do something like that? What a bloody idiot I am. Sighing loudly I shook my head, ignoring my thoughts, and went back to work, going to call Jasper or Emmett later on in the day.

The following evening I was going to have my guy's night with Jasper and Emmett. Just like Bella said on the phone we were just going to hang out, play video games, watch TV and chill. As I was about to ring the doorbell I realized that I hadn't had a proper guys night in over eight months.

Lauren didn't think of it as very good for our marriage and wanted me to spend my time with her or at the office. At the time I didn't think much of it but now she cut me off from many friends I had had. She gave me a rather restrictive life to be honest but for some reason I did nothing to prevent that. And I have no idea why.

Well things were going to change. I couldn't hold onto this dream of the perfect life and perfect family when I can't have kids and my wife only wants to give birth to her husband's child. The papers would have to be signed and I'd have to break the news to everyone. That I was a failure of a husband.

"Oh hey." Bella said, opening the door before I had a chance to ring the door bell. "How are you?" She asked, pulling me into a hug.

"I'm okay thanks, and yourself?"

"Good. Just off to meet Alice and Rose for some drinks. Have fun tonight."

"You too." We smiled at one another before she walked away to a cab waiting for her on the corner that I hadn't noticed. "Bella!" I called after her. I wanted to tell her I was getting a divorce and that would change things but for some reason the words got caught.

She was looking at me with her eyebrows raised in question, curious as to see what I was going to say. "Eh…you look beautiful this evening." I saw her blush and smile.

"Thanks." With that she turned away and darted into the cab before driving off.

She was certainly something else and something unattainable at this stage. Though that would change. I want…to be honest I don't know what I want but it has something to do with her, that's for sure. Lauren's now out and Bella's in.

Although Bella may not be 'The One' for me I sure as hell know she's a better match to me than Lauren will ever be anymore. Maybe a few years ago I would have seriously thought differently but now Lauren was a vicious character and Bella was my sweet angel.

I'd call my lawyer in the morning, get everything set up and make sure the divorce was all kept under wraps, especially the reason why we were getting divorced. I'd put it down to 'differences of opinions' and that way I could at least save myself in some way.

A.N.

Thank you to bronzehairedgirl620 for beta reading this chapter and every other that you worked on.


	7. Chapter 7: Friend To Foe

_Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Give Me A Little Trust**

**Chapter Seven: Friend To Foe**

_Edward's POV_

I was hoping to do it quietly, subtly and just generally out of the public's eye. But that all went down the drain within two days of me signing the divorce papers, and what was worse, I was betrayed by the one person I thought cared enough about me not to do that.

Splashed across every paper was me and how I was infertile. Apparently this seemed unusual for a ladies' man and that not only was I infertile but apparently rubbish in bed. That didn't much annoy me, just the fact that everyone, including my family, knew that I was a failure of a man.

When I saw the article mentioning me and my 'problem' I unplugged my phones, turned off my cell, and held myself captive in the makeshift study I had made. I scanned every article, every line that mentioned me and noted everything down that could have got me to the conclusion of who ratted me out.

It was basically a game of scoring out the names that wouldn't have done it. Now that automatically took Lauren off. As upsetting as it was to admit she wouldn't have done this, and how do I know? In the divorce papers I had an amendment made, saying that we were to refer to why we split as 'differences of opinion' and if Lauren said anything else she would lose the money and estate deal that I was currently offering her. It was more like a bribe to keep her quiet.

Either way she would be left penniless and out on the street. And since it seems like she's becoming a money grabbing gold digger, I know she wouldn't jeopardise her chance at what I was offering. So with Lauren off the list that left me with only two names Dr Marshall and Bella.

Doctor patient confidentiality meant that Dr Marshall could not have done this. I could have him stripped of his medical licence and sued so the risks were too high. He wouldn't do it. Which left me with a dilemma.

Bella.

Someone I thought was my friend. Someone I thought I could trust. Someone I thought cared about me. Obviously I was wrong and it hurt. I was pissed off, angry and irritated. How could she do this to me?

The papers, every single one of them, said that they got this information from a 'very close friend'. Now the only 'very close friend' who I could think of that knew about my infertility was Bella and as much as I hated to think that she could do this to me, it was the only explainable answer.

So I was bitter, angry, annoyed, upset, hurt and saddened. Betrayal was the worst offence in my book and the fact that it was Bella, which I still couldn't get my head around, just bewildered me. I wanted to crawl up and just lay there until this all disappeared. But there was no way I was going to let people see the faults I held.

I would go out, hold my head up high and get on with things like nothing has ever happened. Glancing at the clock I realised that I was still on time if I wanted to go to work and if I didn't, what else was there for me to do? Nothing. My mind was made up and I hopped in the shower before getting ready.

Everyone from the mailmen, secretaries, photocopy guys, sales assistants, designers, accountants, lawyers, human resources groups, chief of staff, security guards and even my own sister gave me the 'I'm sorry' look. I strode on, ignoring every one of them and just went to my office. I'd handle the personal stuff later, right now was work time.

I had just signed onto my machine before Alice knocked on the door and entered. She came in, hugged me softly while patting my hair and the set herself up on the desk, looking down on me. But she didn't stop there, no she held my hands, kissed my cheek and gave me the 'I'm so sorry Edward' look.

"Aw honey, I'm sorry." I sighed and shook my head.

"It's nothing Alice, now I'd like to get back to work if that's okay. I have a lot to do."

"Of course you do. I'll just go and get your secretary to clear a block for me this afternoon; we'll go out, get coffee and chat." She slipped off the desk, kissed my cheek again, with another look, then headed out the door.

I should start counting those looks; I was going to be getting a lot of them. Hell so far I've had roughly twenty two, including Alice's, and it's not even nine a.m. yet. God this really sucks and my day has just started, good to know what I'm looking forward to.

_Bella's POV_

I woke up and went through my usual routine, showering, getting dressed, making breakfast, then fetching my mail and paper. But that's when things changed. Of course my eyes were drawn to _his _picture and the headline about _him_.

His news was out. Not only did his family just find out but for anyone reading a paper this morning they know that Edward Cullen, business workaholic and once bachelor of the year, was infertile. Now this may not seem a big deal but Edward was obviously struggling to understand that he would still be wanted, whether he could have children or not, and not only because of his money.

I had to call him, it was a must. He had to have been feeling terrible and lousy and I gathered from our frequent talks that he liked the fact that he could talk to me about it. There was no response from his home number, it didn't even ring, and his cell went straight to answer machine. So I tried his office.

"Hello, Mr Cullen's office, how may I help you?" His secretary answered.

"I was wondering if you could put me through to Edward."

"And who may I ask is calling?"

"Bella Swan."

"Just one moment please." I was then put on hold and waited patiently.

"What do _you _want?" I heard Edward's icy tone ask which I was not expecting.

"Eh…Edward?"

"Yes."

"I just wanted to call and see how you are." I said, slightly worried with his mood towards me.

"You know what Bella I really don't think that should concern you anymore. I would really appreciate it if you no longer called me." Then he hung up.

Well that was not the phone call I thought I was going to get or what I was going to accept. I picked the phone back up and called him again. After the pleasantries with the secretary again I was put through but this time I didn't wait for him to say anything first. The minute I knew I was through I began.

"Okay I don't know what your problem is anymore Edward but I just thought I would be a good friend and call to see how you were. Clearly that was foolish of me since apparently you are pissed off and for some bloody reason you're pissed at me. So I would just like to ask you, what the hell is going on?" The line was silent for a few seconds.

"Why Bella? Why did you do it?" He asked, softly but with a hint of anger in his tone.

"What are you talking about?" I said confused.

"Was it worth it? Seeing my life splashed across every newspaper. Did they pay well? What?" He was angrier now but still talking in his normal tone.

"Edward, seriously, what the hell are you talking about?" I asked, getting a little annoyed myself now.

"You know what, I thought we had something Bella but I guess I was wrong. I just don't want to involve you in my life anymore. I'd prefer it if you didn't call back. Goodbye."

"Bye." I said this time before he hung up on me.

I was now seriously confused. I hadn't done anything but according to him I've done something monumental and it's hurt him badly. Well whatever, I can't deal with his petty mood swings. I was trying to be a friend and he doesn't want one so fine. I don't need him, screw it, I never needed him. He was just a nice thing to look at with a toddler's attitude. Definitely not someone I need in my life.

So that was that. The tiny possibility of us being together after his divorce just vanished in seconds. All because he's angry at me for God only knows what. And to think that I actually really liked him. Edward seemed the sort of guy that would be good for me, way out of my league, but good for me none the less.

Now I feel saddened and relieved to be shot of him. Saddened as I did like him and we could have no doubt had a great relationship together and relieved as I now didn't have to be stuck with his mood swings, which he seemed to get a lot.

But then that raised the question of what happens now? Especially with Alice and Rose. They are his friends and family so does that mean they are off limits to talk to or to see. I surely hope not, even though we haven't known each other long it feels like years since we became friends.

Alice and certainly Rose don't seem to be the types of people that will be dictated to by Edward or anyone else for that fact. So I should see them again, which is good news. Unfortunately it could be awkward or maybe even a little eye opening. I may get to know what caused this sudden change from friend to foe with Edward.

They surely would tell me, wouldn't they? I mean if I had in fact done nothing wrong, which I haven't, then they would tell me and then tell Edward. Right? Well I hope so. That could clear all this up and things could return to normal.

Though what was normal? The friendship I had with Edward certainly was nothing of normal. He was married, still is until the divorce is finalised, and yet he physically told me that I didn't go unnoticed by him, that if he wasn't married something would have happened. So that's why I don't get the complete one hundred and eighty turn around.

If things were going as good as they seemed I don't think we really would have been here. He let on that he trusted me but from what has happened its clear to me he never did, just wanted me to keep quiet.

Maybe that was what this was all about. Since I knew his secret about him being infertile he had to be nice to me, keep me quiet, perhaps play with my emotions and make me think he likes me as more than a friend when in fact he's just trying to protect himself. So he never trusted me at all, was just using the fact I liked him to keep me silent about the whole thing and know that it's out in the papers he doesn't need me anymore so has just ditched me on the side of the road.

Some friendship we really had, so filled with trust and honesty, my ass.

Yet even though I was hurt by this conclusion, there was still a small part of me that liked Edward and cared about Edward, even though he could have done that to me. And that's the part I hate about myself. The part that wants to care for someone who doesn't care for me. What rotten luck.


	8. Chapter 8: Lacking

_Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Give Me A Little Trust**

**Chapter Eight: Lacking**

_Edward's POV_

"Come on Edward, talk to me." Alice said, giving me another one of those looks.

She had managed to clear my afternoon like she planned even though I begged my secretary to change it back but clearly with no luck or I wouldn't have been in the coffee house a block away from the office with Alice.

"There isn't anything to say." I said rather glumly. She placed her hand onto mine and looked at me softly.

"Please Edward, you can tell me. When did things change for you?"

"Eh…"I sighed and pushed my emotions away. "We were trying to have a baby and after a while nothing happened so we went in for a check up. We decided I would get looked at first as my procedure was easier and I gave them a sample. It came back that I was infertile and things just went down from there." I said slowly, thinking over everything that had changed recently.

"When did you find out?"

"Our one year wedding anniversary." That night flashed before my eyes again, bringing with it conversations and people I'd like to forget.

"Aww. Honey why didn't you say something to me?" Alice hugged me and kissed my cheek.

"What was I to say, that I was a failure of a man?"

"You're not, I promise."

"Who would want me Alice? I can't give any woman a baby." The emotions were ripping through my chest but I would not let them surface no matter how hard it was.

"Did you only want to have a baby that was your own?"

"No I tried to convince her that we could adopt but she was very put off. Lauren wanted to carry her husband's baby and if I couldn't give her the baby then I couldn't be that husband."

"That's awful. You know what Edward you are so much better than her and she definitely never deserved you."

"I thought you liked Lauren?" I questioned.

"She was okay, but the second she ditches you because you can't give her a baby she just went on my hit list." Alice nodded in confirmation, to enforce her point. I smiled at her, glad she didn't think less of me.

"So how did it get out? I know you didn't tell." Alice asked after a few seconds.

"Eh…well only three people knew. Lauren, Dr Marshall who diagnosed me and Bella."

"Who do you think it is?" I pondered over the conclusion I had made and decided to stick to it.

"Bella." I said glumly. Alice looked at me shocked and shook her head.

"No Edward, you're wrong, you've got it wrong. Bella would never do that to you. Edward she cares about you. There is no way that she would break our trust like that. What makes you think it isn't Lauren? In all honesty that's the first person I would think told."

"Lauren is currently accepting a settlement through the divorce. If she referred to why we split as anything other than 'differences of opinions' then she wouldn't get the deal. We haven't signed those papers yet Alice, she wouldn't have done it. The risks for her are too high, divorcing me means she gets nothing unless I chose to give her anything."

"Well she could have told someone?!" She said exasperated.

"I don't think so. She was embarrassed by the thought of people knowing I was a failure of a man and couldn't get her pregnant. It wouldn't make her look good."

"Then the doctor? It was one of them, not Bella."

"Alice come on, we both know the medical industry well, a very successful doctor would not throw away their career to spill a few secrets to the papers." She bit her lip and frowned coming to the conclusion I had come to earlier.

"I know it wasn't her Edward. Bella really cared about you, there's no way that she would have stabbed you in the back like that. You need to talk to her."

"She called this morning and I told her not to call back." I stated earning a nasty look from Alice.

"Why would you do that?"

"Because I'm hurt and pissed and betrayed. The only person it could be is Bella as she had nothing to lose by telling the press." I said angrily.

"You're wrong there Edward." Alice stood up, shaking her head.

"No. If Lauren did it she would have lost a home, a wealthy bank account and a lifestyle she loves, if the doctor did it he would have lost his career and most likely have been sued. What would Bella have lost?"

"You." Alice said before kissing me on the cheek and leaving.

I felt like crap the rest of the afternoon and went back to my temporary apartment around ten o'clock at night. I figured that I could put off my problems by burying myself in work but then the building was being locked up so I had to leave. It was pathetic of me but I didn't know how to handle things better.

I needed to know, for sure, who let it out that I was infertile. So that meant that come the morning I would be hiring a private investigator to search for the squealer. If they told me it wasn't Bella then I had to give her one hell of an apology but as far as I'm concerned right now it could only be her.

I just wish it wasn't.

The irony of the situation was though that I wanted to call Bella and talk to her about my problems, when in fact she is the problem right now. Before, anytime something was difficult I would talk it out with her but now I can't exactly do that.

My cell phone rang on the kitchen counter while I was making pasta so I pulled myself away from the boiling pot and answered it. I knew I would eventually be getting this call.

"Edward, sweetie, is everything okay?" My mother asked.

"Yeah, everything is fine." Though really it wasn't, the pasta just boiled over.

"Is it true?"

"Yeah I'm infertile." I sighed; this was not the way I wanted to have this conversation with my parents.

"You know your father and I are here for you, right?" Esme asked, if she had been in the room she would have been hugging me.

"Of course. I just, didn't…wasn't ready to tell people yet. Though someone took away that option for me."

"Do you know who?" There was a slight defensive tone and I knew my mother would stand up for me and no doubt have a few words with the person.

"No." I didn't voice my opinions of Bella, though I don't know why.

"Oh, well we're sorry honey. If you ever need to talk about it you know we're just a phone call or a car drive away."

"I know thanks."

"Have a good night, love you."

"Love you too, bye." She hung up which let me focus all my attention on plating the pasta rather than the pain from all the pity I seemed to be gathering.

So there I was, eating by myself with only my work to keep me company. There were over six hundred television channels but absolutely nothing worth watching. This would have been the exact time I would have called Bella. Even though I know I can't call her but the temptation is still present. Of course I wouldn't want to bother Rose or Alice with my insecurities so I was just going to have to cope alone.

With nothing to do after my food I headed straight to bed, not trying to prolong the fact that going to bed was the only thing on my agenda. Due to the thoughts plaguing my mind I had a restless sleep filled with guilt.

I jumped the gun and wanted to apologise to Bella, but not fully. Although I want to believe she had nothing to do with my secret getting out I couldn't come to any other conclusion. Soon enough a plan was forming in my mind.

I would take Bella to lunch; explain my point of view and why I thought she had betrayed me. She probably won't like what I have to say but until I'm certain it was her; I want to leave enough room to still be friends with her. Though I really should have thought about that earlier.

_Bella's POV_

I was exceedingly surprised when Edward turned up at my door after lunch looking like hell. His suit was rumpled and creased with his tie skewed and with the top buttons undone at the top. There were dark circles under his eyes and a sorrowful look across his face.

The anger and confusion over the last time we spot was still present but there was a pang of worry for him. I opened the door wide for him and let him in. He didn't say anything but just entered and stood awkwardly in the living room.

"Take a seat." I suggested as he tugged at his tie nervously.

"Thanks." His voice was rather gruff but he took a seat.

"Would you like something to drink or eat?"

"No thank you."

"Then why are you here?" It came out harsher than I wanted it to but he didn't seem surprised.

"I…I'm sorry." He said, looking deeply into my eyes. "I never gave you an explanation as to why I am angry with you and that was not fair. But after coming to my senses, with some prodding from Alice, I realise that there may be some error of doubt into my anger."

"Edward." I sighed. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"I know." He shook his head then stood up, walked over to me. "Only three people knew I was infertile, Lauren, my Doctor and you."

"So you think I did tell?" I accused.

"Yes." Now I was seriously offended.

"So you would automatically assume that I would tell rather than your psycho ex-wife."

"She's not my ex-wife yet but that's not the point. In the divorce Lauren would lose everything if she told, that's how I know it wasn't her. I jumped to conclusions quickly; you were the only one I thought could have done this to me."

"And know?" I asked.

"I'm not sure."

"How not? Edward why would I do that to you?"

"I…when I found out about it I was angry, upset, hurt and betrayed. I'm still not sure who told but I wanted to ask you point blank." He ran a hand through his dishevelled hair, looking at me softly. "Did you tell _anyone _that I was infertile?"

"No, Edward. I would never do that to you. If we are going to have any friendship you have to trust me. I won't betray you and I haven't." I held out my arms to hug him, which I had wanted to do since he walked in.

Instantly he fell into my arms, wrapped his arms my waist and laid his head onto my shoulder. I heard him breath in deep and his muscles instantly relax. I soothingly patted his back wondering how we even got here. When he turned up at the door I was angry and pissed but now here I was comforting him.

"I'm sorry I can't give you my full trust, not yet and I understand perfectly if you don't want me around." Edward said, pulling back but still keeping his arms around me.

"You've apologised so I guess there is nothing else for me to do but forgive you." He relaxed slightly and gave me a thankful smile. "But don't think that I'm not hurt by your accusation."

In fact I was very hurt by his accusation but even through all that anger I still had a soft spot for him. I could forgive him but only because I didn't want to lose him, in the long run though this lack of trust will never be forgotten. I thought we had an understanding but apparently Edward thought differently. So if we weren't friends before what the hell did that make us now when there was even less trust involved?

A.N.

Poor chapter, hopefully they will improve soon.


	9. Chapter 9: Now Or Never

_Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Give Me A Little Trust**

**Chapter Nine: Now Or Never**

_Edward's POV_

Nothing. Nada.

It was as though my secret got out by a complete anomaly. One week and the private detective had not found anything. He did tell me though that Lauren certainly wasn't the one who told. She had been pampering herself at a spa retreat for the week and her story checked out that she didn't tell the papers herself.

Next on his list were Dr Marshall and Bella. I specifically told him to check out Bella last. That may seem foolish but I wanted to give her a chance to tell me if she had. Of course though, this opened a whole new can of worms.

Trust.

I obviously didn't trust her and she certainly didn't trust me. Our once strong friendship had crumbled in to small pieces which I truly regretted. My faith in other human beings clearly was very little and if I had had an open mind when our friendship started I doubt we would be in this mess.

Alas there was nothing I could do now. The damage had been done and now I was living with the consequences.

On the other hand the press had died down on the story. Instead I was being viewed like a poster child for infertile men. My P.R. staff had been getting calls nonstop asking me to tell my story to explain to the world that infertile men can still have 'fun'. Though I really beg to differ.

There was some good news though. Alice called me the other day to tell me that she and Jasper are now going out and that she really cares for him. To be honest I was very surprised how well she took to Jasper. He seemed like a mellow kinda guy and Alice is…well Alice. She travels at one hundred miles per hour twenty four seven. They just seem an unusual match but hey, if it works out then who am I to complain.

So things were going well for Alice and pretty crap for me. I guess that's just how life is sometimes. Even though Bella and I were on speaking terms things were still very weird between us and I knew she didn't fully forgive me. Though who could really blame her?

With everything going on I immersed myself in my work. It was the best way for me to ignore the problems plaguing my mind and just try and get on with life. Working constantly did have its disadvantages; I looked a state for starters. There were dark purple circles under my eyes, a slight stubble forming, my hair was all over the place and gradually I was running out of clothes at the office.

Knowing that in time I'd have days like this I converted a cabinet into a wardrobe and kept everything from boxers to whole suits in there. Unfortunately I was running out of clean clothes so knew I would have to go back to my apartment sometime soon.

It turned out though that I might not even need to stay there that long. Later on I had a meeting with Lauren and we were going to go over the properties and estate that I own to see what we could mutually split. I wasn't particularly bothered about this but knew that I would get the house.

My house. The one I bought to raise my family in, a family I will never be able to have.

Everything came back to that. No matter what I did it always came down to how I was infertile. Why did I work so hard and save so much money? For my children and their future. Why did I buy a big house? For my family and children.

But what children?

Before I could even think to answer that Lauren came in. I guess I must have lost track of time and our meeting was now rather than later. She smiled softly at me then took a seat in front of my desk.

"Hey Edward." Obviously we were going to deal with the pleasantries.

"Hi Lauren, so shall we get this over and done with?" I pulled out the correct papers and looked over the properties we were mutually going to split without our lawyers present. They seemed to antagonise things.

"Okay, well I've decided that all I really want is the deal we settled with our lawyers and one property that we have yet to split." She told me, flicking her hair out of her face.

"And which property would that be?"

"The country house." Now that really surprised me. I thought she would want the penthouses or condos.

"Alright. Done."

"Thank you." I nodded and sighed. I was prepared for an uphill battle, not something as easy as that. "Look Edward, I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For how our relationship has ended. We had some ugly moments and I regret them. You really were my best friend and as your wife I shouldn't have hurt you like I did." She genuinely looked sorry and sighed before continuing.

"I cheated on you, I possibly physically hurt you, I treated you like dirt, and I shunned you when it wasn't your fault that you're infertile and worst of all, I stopped loving you as you couldn't give me a baby. To be honest I just wish we could go back to how we were, in that doctor's office when we found out you were infertile. I would have done things completely different."

"And if you did do you think we would still be married?" I asked.

"We are still married, the divorce isn't final. But yes, I think we wouldn't be going through this."

I ran my hands through my hair and got up from my chair, walked round then leant on the front of my desk looking down at Lauren. She stood up so we were on the same eye level and placed her hand onto my shoulder.

"What brought this on?"

"I woke up realising I still loved you."

"You and I both know we can't go back to how we were." I explained. "Things are different now. I can't go back to how things were when we were married."

"Are you willing to give it a try, just put the divorce on hold?" Several seconds past before I was ready to give her an answer.

"Let's have dinner; I'm not sure I can make such rash decisions in this meeting."

"Of course, come round tonight, I'll cook." She smiled, kissed my cheek then bid farewell.

After Lauren shut the door I just sat there confused. I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into. It was like I was going into the lion's den for dinner. It was difficult to see what Lauren could get from this. She only wanted two things, the deal and the country house. In the deal she was getting two offshore bank accounts with the money they contained but it wasn't really much compared to everything I had.

There was really nothing Lauren could benefit from this so I couldn't see the danger in going to dinner. No doubt my opinion would change later though.

"Edward please tell me I was mistaken when I saw Lauren leave here?" Alice asked, bouncing into my office.

"No Alice you were not mistaken." I stood up and went to sit back down in my chair behind my desk.

"But what was she doing here?"

"We were going over some divorce issues."She sat on the chair Lauren vacated and looked up at me.

"Oh. Well then that's not bad. I thought for a moment there I was going to have to remind you what a witch she was."

"Come on Alice she wasn't that bad. Remember she is my wife and I did love her."

"I do but she treated you like crap. She never deserved you." Due to her opinion of Lauren I decided not to tell her about the dinner that night.

"Anyway how are you and Jasper?" I decided to change the subject very quickly and knew bringing up Jasper would do that.

"Very well." She beamed. "He's taking me to dinner tonight. I really can't wait." She clapped her hands excitedly.

"So you like him?"

"I love him." I rolled my eyes and chuckled. "Don't laugh at me, I really do. I love him. He may only like me but soon he'll love me. I know."

"Was this one of your premonitions?"She shot me a glare due to my tone.

"Don't mock them Eddie, they are always right. One day you'll need me to tell you something and you can just forget it. I won't be telling you anything." She huffed.

"Oh relax you know I'm only kidding." Alice gave me another glare but there was a small smile playing at her lips. "Heard from Rose recently?"

"Actually I have. Turns out her and Emmett are getting on very well. She really likes him but of course Rose being Rose means she treats him like dirt."

"Obviously." I muttered, I never got her method of foreplay.

"Excuse me Mr Cullen; someone here's to see you." My secretary interrupted. I had office rules so knew this must have been someone important otherwise I wouldn't have be bothered.

"Well I'll let you go. See you later Eddie." Alice chimed, bouncing out the door.

"Send them in." I nodded as my secretary disappeared to let my mystery guest in.

"Mr Cullen." My private investigator greeted, shaking my hand. "I have some news for you."

"Please take a seat." He nodded before sitting down.

"Dr Marshall definitely couldn't have spoken to the press. I have confirmation from the journalist that got a hold of the story that published it and he said it was a female that came to him. She definitely wasn't your ex-wife and apparently had brown hair. I hope that helps you."

"Eh…well yeah. Can you investigate into Bella; see if she was this mysterious brunette who ousted me?"

"Absolutely."

"Then get back to me as soon as you can." He nodded then I let him go.

The next thing on my list to do was quickly call my lawyer and confirm that Lauren would receive the settlement along with the country house as decided earlier. He wanted to file the divorce papers but a nagging feeling told me to hold off for some reason. My request surprised him but I just said I needed to check some things with Lauren first.

That night I went back to my apartment, showered and changed into jeans, a clean shirt and grabbed a jacket to go over it. I looked casual but smart, not like I was trying to impress her or anything. I grabbed my keys and wallet before locking up and heading down to my car. The only one that had a proper tank of gas was the vanquish so I was left little choice as to which one to take.

As I was driving a certain thought struck me and I pulled over, made a quick stop and a phone call then headed off again. The streets became familiar and the nerves began to surface. I didn't know what I would say to her but I had to say something.

Things were different. I was different and what happened in the past needs to stay in the past.

Pulling up I took in the house, running my hands through my hair one more time before getting out. I walked up the drive and rang the door bell, knowing she was in. There was a flick of the curtain in the living room window, shortly followed by the front door opening.

"Edward, what are you doing here?" Bella asked, rather confused.

"I…I needed to talk to you. I think I have something important to say." I stuttered out.

This was the woman I wanted to be with. Not Lauren. She says she still loves me but that's not true and I don't even know for a second why I thought it could be the truth. So instead of going over to dinner, in my own house, with her I decided to blow her off and come to Bella's.

The divorce was going through which meant I was basically a single man again. And the beautiful woman in front of me was the one I wanted to give my heart to.

"Sure, come on in." Bella opened the door wide and let me in. "Have a seat." I nodded and perched on the couch, watching as she walked across the floor to sit opposite me.

"What can I do for you?" She asked, giving me the opening I needed.

It was now or never, I thought before taking a deep breath.


	10. Chapter 10: Vulnerability

_Disclaimer: All character belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Give Me A Little Trust**

**Chapter Ten: Vulnerability**

"_Sure, come on in." Bella opened the door wide and let me in. "Have a seat." I nodded and perched on the couch, watching as she walked across the floor to sit opposite me._

"_What can I do for you?" She asked, giving me the opening I needed._

_It was now or never, I thought before taking a deep breath._

_Bella's POV_

Edward sat for a few seconds before looking at me. His emerald eyes were a much deeper green than usual and made him look very remorseful with the pitiful look on his face.

When he showed up at the door I was very surprised. To be honest I didn't want to see him currently. It wasn't that I was still angry with him, just a bit scorned over it all. The lack of trust was a major issue for me and I don't understand why he keeps coming round if he thinks I will or have betrayed him.

"Before I say what I came here to say." He began, pulling at the collar of his shirt. "I just want to ask you one thing."

"Go ahead." He took a deep breath then exhaled loudly.

"Did you tell someone I was infertile, whether it was on purpose or not?" That made my blood boil.

"Edward is that seriously why you're here, to quiz me on who let your secret out." I stood up and started pacing the floor, furious with him. "We've been through this and I forgave you for assuming that I was the one that told but if you except there to be any glimmer of friendship then you have to believe me when I say I never told!"

Within seconds he was up and had my face in his hands, gently caressing my cheeks. I wasn't expecting that reaction for him so ended up just standing there frowning at him.

"Bella, my dear sweet Bella." I was still none the wiser about what was going on. "I…would you believe me if I told you I was a fool for asking again but only did because I wanted there to be no secrets between us?"

"I guess." He smiled softly then kissed my forehead.

"My divorce is being finalised and I'm ready to admit that I failed as a husband." I opened my mouth to argue but he shushed me. "Don't, it's okay. I told you that we couldn't have anything because I wouldn't cheat on my wife. Well considering in about 24 hours she should be my ex-wife I think we can change those rules, if you want to."

My heart sped up immediately when I clocked on to what he was saying. His eyes bore into my own with a look of hope and anxiety. It felt like his heart was in my hands and I was either going to treasure it or cast it away.

He must have taken my silence as a bad sign because he started babbling. "Look you can say no, I completely understand I just figured I had to ask. I like you but know that with the way I've treated you, you may not like me. That makes sense but if I never asked then I would regret it and then look back on what I could have missed. At least this way, even if you turn me down, I know how things would have turned out. There would be no regrets and-"

I didn't need to hear anymore so placed my finger over his lips.

"Edward, I like you too and I would like to change those rules." His face lit up. "But on a few conditions." And fell slightly.

"Alright." He said hesitantly.

"One, nothing changes between us until your divorce is final, as far as I'm concerned you're still married even under the circumstances. Two, you have to trust me. If you don't this will never work. And three, no secrets. If something is bothering you, tell me, I'm here for you. Don't jump the gun like you did before."

"Of course." He leant forward to kiss me but clearly remembered rule one and made a beeline for my cheek. "So once my divorce is final can I take you out on a date?" The hope was back in his voice.

"Yeah, I'd like that."

"Good."

Edward hung around for a while but then left, he had to make a visit to his soon to be ex-wife. I kissed him on the cheek at the door and he gave me my favourite lopsided grin before heading to his car.

I trusted him but now all I need was him to trust me.

_Edward's POV_

I wanted to dance across her lawn I was that happy. Granted we weren't officially a couple yet but would be very soon and that made my heart jump for joy. Her conditions on our relationship made sense but I wished she had just allowed me to give her one kiss. I had been fantasising about those lips for so long that having to wait one or two days would be like waiting a year.

My visit to see Lauren was one of business rather than pleasure. I wanted my house back. She didn't want it in the divorce so that meant she would be moving out but I hoped it was sooner rather than later.

She would be pissed I blew her off but frankly I didn't care. Throughout the end of our marriage she never cared about my feelings so why should I care about hers. It's not like we were going to be married for much longer.

I pulled up to my house and parked in the drive before getting out and heading to the door. The doorbell rang throughout the house followed by the sounds of Lauren's heels on the wooden floor in the hall. She opened the door and gave me a rather sad look, though I don't know why.

"Come on in." She turned and walked away, leaving me to shut the door. "I thought you would be round earlier."

"Lauren I didn't come here tonight for dinner. I need you to move out of the house. Earlier I spoke to my lawyer and he's going to get the divorce put through in the next few days. It's over, this time for good."

Her eyes were showing emotions of hatred, anger, sorrow, confusion and annoyance. She flicked her hair over her shoulder and took a seat in the living room, not taking her eyes off me the whole time. I was just waiting for her foul temper to rise up and blow, like a dormant volcano soon to erupt.

"Then I guess you'll want this back." Lauren took the wedding ring I gave her off her finger and placed it on the wooden coffee table in the centre of the room.

"No, you keep that. I gave it to you out of love as a gift. It's yours not mine." In all honesty I wanted rid of all the reminders we had ever been married.

"Oh, thank you." I caught her off guard; no doubt she was gearing for an argument.

"You're welcome. So when will you be able to move out?" She sighed and pursed her lips.

"When I'm ready Edward, God there isn't a rush."

"Actually there is. I want to get on with my life and with you in it I can't do that. I've asked nicely; don't make me have to ask again."She rolled her eyes and cast her hand in indifference.

"Fine, I will be out by the end of the week. Happy?" I was going to answer but didn't want to fuel the fire.

"Yes. Thank you." I nodded and looked around absently.

"I just don't get the change Edward. Today in your office you were all but ready to come to dinner and have us try again, what's different now?" She asked, the anger gone and replaced by confusion and dare I say it, vulnerability.

"I realised no matter what we did now it would be too late. You're not the one I'm meant to spend the rest of my life with and I'm not the one you're meant to be with. So why prolong this when we both know it's over." I answered, bearing most of the truth.

"There's someone else isn't there?" My head shot up to look at her. I was surprised, not only that she asked, but that she asked with a sad tone, not one of hate and anger.

"I think there is."

"Same." She said smiling sadly, looking at her lap.

"Though I think he just sees me as some of sex toy rather than anything serious. I wanted him to leave his wife for me but if you had left me for another woman I would have been broken."

This was the Lauren I had lost. This was the one I truly feel in love with. She was sweet, caring and honest. Granted she had a foul temper and got easily jealous but so did I. One thing that definitely disappeared when we got married was her vulnerability. That was completely erased, as though it never existed in the first place. God I missed it.

"I don't think I can ask him to do that now." She admitted.

I got up from the couch opposite and moved to sit next to her. I put my arm round her shoulder and let her rest her head on my chest in a hug. In no time at all the tears started and then the sobs. My heart was breaking for this woman all over again. I hated seeing her upset. Hell I hated seeing any woman upset, let alone a woman I had committed everything to.

Eventually her tears dried up and the sobs stopped. During that time we had repositioned and she was lying against me. I just held her for a while and let her calm down. Soon enough her breathing was calm and steady. I glanced down at her and saw she was asleep.

Doing what I had done so many times I picked her up, carried her upstairs and placed her in bed. She still looked as lovely as she did when I first met her but the feelings were different. Lauren was no longer the one I saw as the woman who would make me happy, instead that seemed Bella's role, she just didn't realise it yet.

I leant forward and kissed Lauren on the forehead, silently bidding her goodnight before walking downstairs. I wrote a note and left it for her before I grabbed a set of house keys off the table in the hall and left, locking the door before placing the keys under the door mat. The note told her what I had done and said goodbye.

No doubt that would be the last time we had contact between each other. I wasn't saddened by that but wished Lauren the best. Granted we had our bad moments but we also had a lot of good and I knew somewhere along the way, it might not be any time soon but, she would find someone who made her happy.

After all that I got in my car and drove home, well to the apartment that temporarily was my home. Things in my little world seemed to be adjusting for the better, or at least I thought so. With Bella I was very chuffed and how things were now with Lauren seemed to be good. From all that we've been through we have ended it on decent terms which I'm happy about.

The apartment was cold and silent, reminding me of how alone I really was at the moment. As I settled into bed though I couldn't help smile at the fact that once my divorce was final Bella would be around to warm my heart and life. Hopefully I would do the same to her too.


	11. Chapter 11: Cats And Dogs

_Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Give Me A Little Trust**

**Chapter Eleven: Cats and Dogs**

_Edward's POV_

Lauren stuck to her word and had moved out by the end of the week, allowing me to move back in. A lot of my belongings were already there so I didn't have to take back much but it still was a bit of a hassle doing so. Alice said she was going to help; therefore Jasper ended up helping, and because they were Rose and Emmett pitched in. At first it was just going to be me and Bella moving my stuff back so I was surprised and happy they wanted to help.

The six of us rearranged the existing furniture so that the house had a different layout. The only rooms that didn't change were the Kitchen and bathrooms due to obvious reasons. Alice made the call that I should change the colour of some of the rooms so she and Jasper went out to buy paint while the rest of us worked away.

Emmett and Rose were downstairs moving the living room furniture into what was going to be the new living room area while Bella and I were upstairs, putting my clothing back in the walk in wardrobe and about to change the sheets on the bed.

"So are you happy to be moving back?" Bella asked, handing me a handful of my shirts to hang up.

"Yeah on some level I am but living here alone is going to be tough. This place is big and coming back from work to an empty house will be pretty hard to begin with."

"Understandable. Will this place not bring back memories though, of your marriage?"

"Probably but I could never sell this place. It's been home for too long for me to ever let it go."

"So you see yourself always living here?" She asked curiosity in her voice.

"Maybe not always but for most of my life yes." I answered honestly.

Still I saw myself having a family here, watching them grow and spending my retirement in this house. It was a silly dream I guess but in due time I wanted it to be reality. I figured it would be happening sooner than I expected when trying for a baby with Lauren but that fell through rather disastrously.

"Does that mean you and this house are kind of a package deal?" I chuckled but agreed.

"I guess it does. Is that going to be a problem?"

"Why would it?" I walked out the walk-in-wardrobe to see her stripping the bed.

"Because I'm hoping that sooner or later we'll be able to take our relationship further than just friends with lingering feelings of more." My voice startled her and she turned round quickly. Bella sent me a mock glare then approached.

"I don't see that as being a problem if you don't. To be honest, I don't think we'll be talking about houses together anytime soon."

"And why not?" I placed my hands on her hips, bringing her towards me, occasionally letting my eyes drift to her lips.

"Why would we need to discuss houses together?"

"So when we move in together we have made a proper agreement where to live." She wrapped her arms round my neck and snuggled into my neck, giving me a quick kiss on my neck.

"So you think we'll move in together?" Bella asked.

"I know we'll move in together."She laughed and caressed my cheeks softly.

"I think that's wishful thinking Edward."

"I don't. I know it's a fact."

I pushed some of her hair away from her face and slowly began to lean in for our first official kiss. She knew it was coming and gave me a small smile before closing the gap between us. Her lips brushed mine and I felt like I was in heaven. Eventually my tongue gained entrance to her mouth and she moaned in what I can only guess was delight, spurring on my emotions for her.

We moved backwards of our own accord and before I knew it she was straddling my waist, kissing the hell out of me. I loved every second of it. She was lapping at my neck as my hands ran all over her body, feeling her, memorising her, and listening to her moans of pleasure.

"Edward do you- whoa, down boy." Emmett said, breaking us apart. "Well I never knew you had the dominance in you Bella." He added after taking in our positions, causing her to blush bright red.

"What did you need Emmett?" I asked, like being interrupted like this was an everyday occurrence.

"Rose and I wanted to know if you had any objections if we swapped the rug in your study for the one in your living room, Alice just called and thinks the colours would be better that way."

"No not at all. Do whatever you want." He nodded and shut the door after him. "Now where were we?" I asked Bella, switching our positions so she was now below me with my body between her legs.

"I love that crooked grin of yours." She whispered before kissing me again. It was like we couldn't get enough of each other.

Eventually it was clear where we were both going to take this with our grinding against each other, pleasurable moans and pleas for more and adventurous hands devouring each other's bodies over our clothes so we decided to call it a day while we were ahead and didn't rush into anything.

Even with that decided though I still couldn't keep my lips and hands off of her. We got to work putting the remainder of my clothes away with me every so often kissing her neck or running my hands over her ribs and hips. Bella just rolled her eyes and pushed my hands away, convinced I was trying to distract her but really that's not what I was meaning to do, she was just distracting me.

From spending so much time restraining myself and finally being able to kiss her I never wanted to stop. It seemed ridiculous to stop and do other mundane things when we could be doing much better things together. With all my thoughts running over the fun activities Bella and I could have, on that very bed we were changing the sheets of, it was clear that my body was out of control with lust and need.

Once my bedroom was put back together we both headed back downstairs and took in the scene in the new living room location. Emmett and Rose had done a very good job and I was surprised it looked so good. It kind of felt like a brand new house with the same exterior.

"Thanks, this looks…wow." I said, as Rose and Emmett stood beaming.

"I know. We did a bloody good job." Emmett practically sang. Rose elbowed Emmett but still seemed proud by their job well done.

"So, you two have fun upstairs?" Rose asked, smiling slyly. Bella blushed and excused herself as I stood there just glaring at the smirk that seemed to have engraved itself on Rose and Emmett's faces.

"Thanks for that." I muttered.

"Anytime." She sang like Emmett had. I left the room and heard the two of them laughing happily at our expense.

"I'm home!" The front door flew open and in danced Alice, holding several pots of paint and brushes. Jasper came in after her, bewitched by her movements. "I'm going to go paint my masterpiece." She called dramatically before disappearing into the dining room.

I let her be and just shot Jasper a curious look who smiled nervously then cleared his throat and departed to the other room.

"I've never seen him so hung up." Bella said, causing me to turn to her.

"I thought you left on me." She shook her head and put her arms round my neck.

"Nope. I just…had to get away for a minute." She gave me a quick peck then pulled back, with my arms still wrapped round her. "Do you like Jasper?"

"He's a good guy." I answered.

"Yes he is. Would you have a problem if he went out with your sister?"

"If he made her happy then no but the second he hurt her I'd get all protective brother on him." She giggled and shook her head.

"I'd _love_ to see that."

"What's so funny? You don't think I could take him?" Bella laughed again.

"Nope sorry Edward but I think Jasper would win." Now I was offended.

"No, sorry you're wrong." She rolled her eyes at me and kissed my eager lips.

"That's okay, I don't mind if you can't beat him. That way I could play nurse." The second she whispered those words to me my want for her shot through the roof.

"We could arranger that." I suggested, getting her to blush and smirk at me which was just sexy as hell.

"Would you like that?" I nodded quickly. "Well unfortunately I don't think it could happen since you said you could beat Jasper. I'd only play nurse with you if you lost to Jasper."

"Then Jasper could kick my ass any day." She smiled evilly at me.

"So that means I'm right and you're wrong." I chuckled, just seeing how she flipped that.

"Yeah that's right. I'm wrong. Now, when do I get my nurse?" My hands were exploring her waist and my lips were about to make contact with her neck when Alice popped round the corner.

"I need the both of you now so you can swap bodily fluids later. In here, now." Then she left again.

Bella and I both untangled from each other and went to the dining room to help. We did not want an angry pixie on our hands so decided it was just best to do what she wanted. Alice handed us both rollers and told us to paint over the white walls of the dining room cream. Before long she had the six of us at it.

We all started off being serious about it but before long some of us were 'accidentally' walking into each other with the rollers and paint brushes. Alice was not amused until Jasper joined in the act and painted a heart on her black t-shirt. Rose and I looked at him like he had a death wish but Alice just smiled at him, before attacking him with her lips.

They fell to the floor with a thump and Alice had her hands all over poor Jasper who seemed frozen in place. Emmett started whooping, only to be slapped by Rose which shut him up. Bella blushed furiously and just kept painting, while holding my hand so I couldn't go over and remove my sister from continuing her wanton behaviour.

"Leave them, it's cute." She whispered.

"No it's not, she's my sister." I whined quietly.

"Jasper's a saint, hell he hasn't even touched her yet. It's fine." I whimpered like a puppy and Bella just laughed then painted a bone on my blue shirt.

"What's that meant to symbolise?" I asked, looking down at it.

"You're acting like a dog so I've given you a bone." She shrugged and continued painting. "It was either that or I paint a collar on your neck." Yep, definitely preferred the bone.

I picked up my brush and turned Bella to face me before painting a cat on her top. She grinned at me then rolled her eyes. We were then interrupted by Emmett's booming laughter.

"Look everyone, its boner and pussy!" This time both Bella and I blushed before turning back to the wall to paint. "Ow! Hey, come on at least they didn't do it the other way around, then Bella would be Edward's bitch." Rose must have hit him, rightly so.

The painting continued until the room was finished. I was surprised we could finish it so fast but then again there were six of us. Throughout that time I had never felt more at home in that house, with so many people around. Soon they would all leave and it would be just me but I wanted the noise of people and the comfort that I wasn't alone.

It seemed like I was always going to be alone. The start of a relationship with Bella was great but I was waiting for the day she wakes up and realises she's wasting her time with a guy who can't give her a baby and bails on me. It'll happen eventually but until it does it's a waiting game for me. Yet I can't help but pray she's better than that and will look past my short comings and still love me.


	12. Chapter 12: Burning Down The House

_Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Give Me A Little Trust**

**Chapter Twelve: Burning Down The House**

_Edward's POV_

It was 3:00am when the phone rang and pulled me from my sleep. I grabbed it off the nightstand and grunted what was meant to be a hello.

"Hi…Edward-d its B-Bella." She sounded upset and like she was crying. I shot up in bed, sitting straight up and now fully alert.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

"There was a fire." I could hear her sobs and immediately was out of bed.

"At your house?"

"Yeah."

"Are the fire department there?" I had the phone on loudspeaker by now and was shoving on boxers and jeans.

"Uh huh."

"I'll be right over. I'm going to hang up my house phone but call my cell and I'll stay in contact with you until I get there."

"Thanks." I heard her sniff a little and my heart ached for her. I hated her being upset.

I put my house phone down and grabbed my cell as I fetched a t-shirt from my closet. It rang and without missing a beat I answered it, glad to hear Bella's voice again.

"I'm just coming now my love."

"Thank you."

"Do you want to tell me what happened or shall we wait until I get there?"

"I was baking chocolates. I forgot I had twenty five boxes to be picked up later so did my best to get them ready. I don't know what happened. All I knew was that the fire alarm went off and the place filled with smoke."

Hearing her relay her story and the sadness in her voice encouraged me to put my foot down and drive faster through the dark city streets. I wanted to get to her as soon as possible.

"Were you hurt?"

"No, I broke a window and climbed out. The fire department came and managed to get it out but everything's ruined." She was crying again and I wanted to wrap my arms round her, hold her tight and never let go.

"I know this won't make you feel better but I'd rather have your belongings burnt rather than you." She laughed a little.

"I agree with you and you're right, it doesn't make me feel better."

"Sorry, I'll be right with you in about thirty seconds. You should see my car turning up your street…right about…now."

Her house came into view and there was still a fire truck on scene. Bella was sitting in the middle of her lawn, wrapped in a blanket and holding the phone in one hand and a mug in the other. Several of her neighbours could be seen looking out the windows at all the commotion.

"I see you." Before I had a chance to respond Bella hung up. I parked as quickly as I could and raced out the car, practically running towards her.

She stood up, left the cell phone and mug on the grass, which allowed me to pull her tight into my arms. Even though she said she was okay I still had to check for myself and after pulling back from the hug I scanned her, looking for any sign of injuries.

"Edward, I'm honestly fine, just upset." That I could see, she had red puffy eyes, tear streaked face and looked dreadful, but still as beautiful as ever.

"I know, I just needed to make sure." She rolled her eyes and rested her head on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry for waking you up. You're the only person I wanted to call." That made my heart sore. I thought she would call Emmett or Jasper seeing as they have known her longer but obviously not. She called me instead and I was so happy for that, just unhappy that this had happened to her.

"What have they said about the damage?" I asked, nodding to the firemen standing around, inspecting the mess inside.

"I can't stay here, obviously. I was going to grab a bag of clothes but there's none to grab." Tears welled up in her eyes and I brought her head back to rest on my chest. "I'll go stay in a hotel for the night and come back in the morning to see what I can salvage." She mumbled.

"Absolutely not, there's no way I'm letting you stay in a hotel. You're coming back with me." Bella raised her head quickly and pushed the tears off of her cheeks.

"No, I couldn't. I don't want to impose on your life."

"You're not. Now, don't be silly and come and stay with me." Softly she nodded and I led her to the car, letting her in and turning it on so she could be warmed up by the heaters.

I spoke to a few of the firemen and they were informed me that the house was in a real state. The kitchen, living room and most of the house would have to be rebuilt from scratch. It was unsafe and there could be a chance it would have to be taken down and built from the ground up again.

It had to be devastating for Bella, knowing that all of her belongings and possessions were just destroyed and there was nothing she could do about it. Everything she worked for had just gone up in smoke, no pun intended.

In here haze to the car she left her phone on the grass, I grabbed it and slipped it in my pocket before going back to the car. Bella was sound asleep, wrapped up all cosy like in the blanket and listening to the CD that was currently playing.

As the car was already started I quietly buckled Bella and I in then drove, at a decent pace, back to mine. I had trouble keeping my eyes on the road as I kept looking over at Bella and how peaceful she was. Though eventually we made our way back to my house, despite the fact I was travelling at snail's pace since I was watching her.

I turned off the car and walked round to Bella's side. As gently as I could I unbuckled her and lifted her up so she was still wrapped in the blanket. I got her from the car, up to the from door and then realised my mistake, I had no way of opening the door since my hands were full with Bella's soft body.

Although I wasn't happy with doing so I put her down so she was propped against the door. This gave me a chance to quickly go back and shut the car door and lock it then come and open the front door. I unlocked it but didn't open it far as she would have toppled backwards and hit her head on the hardwood floor.

Leaning down I picked her up and put her onto the living room couch then returned and locked the front door. She was peaceful and I hated to have to lift her up again but I knew from experience that couch was not comfortable and Bella would wake up with a killer neck. So again I headed upstairs with her in my arms and for some reason I put her in my bed rather than in the guest bedroom.

I guess I just wanted to see her in my bed, finally.

I lay down beside her and tried to go to sleep but instead stayed awake to watch her sleep.

_Bella's POV_

I woke up in Edward's bed, with him nowhere to be seen. Glancing at the clock on the nightstand I saw it was 11:00am and stretched before getting up. Before I left his room I looked in the mirror and all the memories of last night, or rather the early hours of this morning, came back to me. The messed hair and puffy red eyes were just a little reminder of the events that took place.

Just thinking about it brought tears to my eyes. I had lost most of my belongings, if not all. The only way I would find out would be to go over there and find out myself. I'd ask Edward to come with me, I don't know if I could handle it on my own.

"Hey." In the mirror I watched as Edward came in and wrapped his arms round me.

"Hi." He kissed my neck and rested his head on my shoulder.

"Are you alright? You want some food?"

"Mhmm…maybe." He nodded and kissed me again as he rubbed my arms.

"Do you have anything planned for today?"

"I need to go see my house. Can you come with me? I don't know how I'll cope alone."

"Of course, we can do that. When would you like to go? Just you tell me and we'll go." I turned in his arms and wrapped myself round his neck and kissed him.

Edward placed his hands on my hips and brought me a little closer to his body so we were practically moulded together. He made a soft groaning noise at the back of his throat and I felt the vibrations against my chest which added a little more heat to the moment.

We moved backwards slightly but instead of making it to the bed my back was pressed against the closest wall. Edward became a little more aggressive with his lips and this was a side I was not expecting for him but began to thoroughly enjoy.

He was moaning more and groaning in frustration with me. I wasn't so much as teasing him, just not letting him have his way completely. "Bella, please." He whimpered in my ear as he kissed down my neck.

With that he hoisted me up so my legs were wrapped around his waist. Clothes were becoming a bit of an issue as his hands groped through them and under them. It was clear he wanted my top off and was trying hard not to just rip it off my body.

"Bella, you better be here!" With Alice's shrill voice slicing through the air we broke apart only to hear the door slam and her small feet pad up the stairs.

The bedroom door flew open before Edward had had a chance to pop me on my feet so I was still wrapped around him. Alice stood in the doorway, hands on her hips, death glare in her eyes and her right foot tapping insanely against the carpeted floor.

"I drive over to see my best friend and find her house practically burnt to the ground. So after freaking out for ten minutes and harassing your neighbours I come here only to find you two having a lovers tryst. Did you not think it appropriate to call me?"

Edwards put me down on my feet and I walked over to Alice slowly, taking in her mood as I walked. I knew she was angry and it was perfectly understandable why she was. I should have called her and now I feel incredibly guilty for having worried her.

"I'm so sorry Alice." I wrapped my arms around her. "I didn't think you would go round there. I never meant to worry you and with everything that's happened I just wanted a distraction. That's where Edward came in. Sorry."

"It's okay I just thought the worst had happened and you were lying in a hospital bed somewhere burnt to a crisp." I shook my head and pulled back.

"Luckily I wasn't hurt at all."

"Well there's a first."

"How did my house look in the light? I didn't really get a good look last night." I asked, dreading that I wouldn't be able to salvage anything.

"The front of the house isn't looking good and the back looks better but honestly Bella the place is pretty grim looking."

"I have to go round there and see what belongings I can save. Will you come?" Alice nodded.

"Absolutely. I take it Edward's coming too, so with the two of us to support you everything will be fine. Where are you staying in the meantime?"

"I was going to check in to a-"

"She's staying with me." Edward cut me off and came to stand behind me.

"Aww, I wanted you to stay with me. We could have had a good girl's time living together."

"Nope Alice, not happening. She's mine." Edward kissed my neck and held onto me possessively.

"Fine but don't think that she won't be coming round to mine for several days." They spoke like I wasn't even there. "Have you guys eaten? I saw a load of food downstairs."

"Not yet."

"Great. Let's go eat." Alice grabbed our hands and brought us downstairs.

They were both there for me, even when my life was all over the place. I was very thankful to have them both and it felt better knowing that they would be with me when I went to look at my burnt home. This morning going there felt like a massive worry but with Edward and Alice coming it made things a little easier.

Hopefully I'd still think that when I saw the devastation that use to be my home.


	13. Chapter 13: Moving

_Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Give Me A Little Trust**

**Chapter Thirteen: Moving**

_Edward's POV_

Bella's house was a mess. There really wasn't much to it. The front of the house was almost completely gone and in its place charcoal mess and burnt wood or what was her personal belongings. Once Bella saw the house as we were still in the car she couldn't get out. It hurt too much to have lost everything.

Alice and I got out the Volvo, leaving Bella to calm and get a hold of her nerves. We wouldn't want her having a nervous breakdown. On site there were a few fire fighters and before we entered the house we checked whether it was safe. The roof as the back of the house, directly above her bedroom and bathroom, was badly burnt and could possibly collapse in on us. Therefore we were to stay away from there.

That left us with the destroyed kitchen, ruined living room, semi-destroyed study and the blackened hallways. Alice tried to salvage anything personal from the living room and kitchen but could barely find anything. I tackled the study and had more luck there. I found several address books, letters from her parents, photos or friends and family, her recipe books and files for her work.

They all could be saved so I grabbed a plastic box, that had one melted side and placed all of that inside. Alice came in and started to help, adding more contents to the box. We left with two boxes, both burnt and melted down a side but filled with sheets and photos. There wasn't any furniture that wasn't burnt so Alice wanted to use that as an excuse to go shopping. I'm sure Bella would love that.

"There wasn't much, Hun." Alice said, giving Bella a hug before we got back in the car. Alice hopped in the driver's seat and told me to sit in the back with Bella.

The two of us were standing on the lawn, staring at each other. She looked really sad as I moved towards her and pulled her into my arms. She hugged me tightly, like she didn't want to let go.

"What am I going to do?" Bella whispered.

"You're going to live with me."

"Until when?"

"Forever." I answered without thinking.

"What?!" Bella stood back startled by my response. "What did you just say?"

"Eh….well I said that you should live with me…forever." Suddenly I was all shy.

"Are you serious? You want us to actually live together, for real? Let's just forget for one moment that my house has been burnt to the ground. Would you be asking me to move in with you?"

"I've…I know it's rather soon but I have been thinking about it and yes, I'd like you to move in with me, permanently."

"You're right, it is soon." She looked around, frowning.

"Is that a no?" I was praying silently that it wasn't.

"No, yes." She sighed. "I mean yes I'll move in with you. Even though it's not like I have a choice anymore."

That made it sound like she wouldn't want to live with me if her house hadn't been burnt. Granted I probably wouldn't have asked so soon but still, I feel like there's something here between us. We may not be far in our relationship but it seems like I've known and been with her forever. So why should I hold back when I know it will work out?

"No hold on, Bella if you don't want to tell me. Hell, you don't have to live with me now if you don't want. I'm sure Alice would let you stay at hers and her apartment is much nicer than my house so the offers there. You should talk to her."

With that I got in the front passenger seat.

"What are you doing? I thought you were going to sit in the back with Bella." Alice said, giving me a glare.

"We've had a tiny disagreement."

"What?! Edward don't be a bastard and start fighting with her, she's having a difficult time as it is."

"I know Alice but I just asked her to move in with me and she said she would only because she didn't have a choice. Talk about stomping on my feelings."

"Alright so maybe she could have gone about that with a bit more tact but that doesn't mean-" Bella cut Alice off by opening the back door and practically throwing herself in the car.

"Can we just go?" Her tone of voice suggested I was in the dog house for now and that maybe it wouldn't be wise to say anything.

"Of course." Alice started the car up and drove away at the speed of lighting, clearly sensing the tension and wanting to get out of the car as soon as possible.

"Oh and Alice, can I stay at yours tonight?"

"Yeah, I'll call Rose and we can have a girl's night in. It'll be great fun."

I was clearly being shunned for my words and actions. Alice drove me back to my house and before I could ask for a moment alone to speak to Bella she had leant across me, opened my door and began to push me out. I wasn't wanted so left abruptly and walked up the path to my house.

The place was cold and empty without the presence of Bella around. Alas it seemed I had pushed my luck by asking her to move in with me. Personally I didn't see what the big deal was but there obviously was one. If I was in her place I would have been very happy to move in with me.

Maybe she didn't like me as much as I liked her and that was why she practically rejected my offer. I was falling for her but I think she felt we were just getting to know each other. I was past that by now. She knew my problems before everyone else and was a great friend before a lover hence why I thought we had already been through the getting to know each other stage.

Whatever the problem was I'd have to wait until I found out. Maybe Alice would tell me though that is doubtful.

_Bella's POV_

"What happened?" Alice asked the second Edward got out the car. As she drove away from his house I crawled over the seats and into the front.

"He asked me to move in and I freaked. I hurt him when I didn't mean to."

Although I would love to live with Edward I wouldn't want us to rush things. Then again I was in love with him and this seemed like the right step to take. I guess I was just being stubborn. After all it seemed like he was only asking me due to pity.

"Oh, well what did you say when he asked?" I told her the whole conversation, word for word. "Now I understand why he got all pissy. Bella you practically told him that you were only moving in with him because you had nowhere else to live. It was like you didn't want to live with him."

"But I do Alice. I really do want to live with him." I stressed.

"You should tell him that!"

"I plan to."

"Then why the hell are you sitting here talking to me?"

"I don't know." Alice laughed and did a u-turn in the middle of the road, pissing off loads of the other drivers.

She drove me back to Edward's house as fast as she could. I bounded out the car and raced up to the front door. Without knocking I threw it open, slammed it behind me and starting calling out Edward's name.

"What is it? What's happened?!" He gushed, running from his kitchen.

"I want to move in with you, for real. Not because my house got burnt down and not because I have to, because I want to." He cocked his head to the side and gave me a bemused look.

"And you came charging in to tell me this?" There was a small smirk playing at his lips.

"Yeah." Edward took two strides towards me and then had my back pressed against the wall.

"Thank god. I would have hated to live here without you."

"But you've been doing that all along."I pointed out, kissing his face.

"I know but I had set myself up to live with you. I could imagine it all and didn't want that dream to disappear." He said while stroking my hair and making sure it was away from my face.

"Really? And what happened in this dream?"

"We were always together. I brought you breakfast in bed on the weekends and we spent Sundays in bed together. I could imagine you cooking in the kitchen and coming home to you looking gorgeous in an apron. We would wake up next to each other every morning and never be alone again." He kissed me softly.

"Sounds nice."

"It will be. So what made you change your mind?"

"I was talking with Alice and she basically asked why I didn't want to move in with you when I did and all of that earlier seemed stupid."

"It was stupid and I'm sorry about my behaviour. Sometimes I convert back to the bratty child that I was growing up."

"I accept your apology and hope you accept mine. I shouldn't have made it sound like I was only going to move in with you because there were no other options for me. That was not the case. I was just taken by surprise. So I'm sorry."

"I forgive you." Edward kissed me again and then gave me a crooked smile, making me weak at the knees.

"Now let's go christen _our _bedroom." I pulled on his belt and took him upstairs.

_Edward's POV_

With Bella moving in things changed, specifically with our sex lives. Before we lived together we kissed along with some heavy petting. Now there were no boundaries and I loved it. At first I was a little hesitant as sex led to babies and that was something I couldn't produce but Bella assured me she didn't care and she just wanted to show me how much she loved me.

Well she did and hasn't stopped since. Things changed drastically for us but in a good way. We were now closer and I was soon going to be telling her I loved her irrevocably. I admit that if she doesn't say it back I will be a little gutted but know that good things come to those who wait so would be patient and not pressure her into saying it until she meant it.

I had arranged a special dinner for us at what I found out was Bella's favourite restaurant. We were going there just for the heck of it, or so she thought. I wanted to tell her how I felt in a place she had fond memories so hopefully she could add another. If it backfired I'm sure she'd never go there again but that wouldn't happen.

The worst case scenario was that I told her and she freaked, ran away from me in the restaurant and broke up with me. The best case scenario, she's says I love you back. Obviously I'm hoping for the latter.

We were ready to leave the house at eight for our reservations at eight thirty and I knew tonight would be special the minute I saw her. Bella looked radiant in a dress Alice had bought her that was of course dark blue as I loved that colour on her and she knew it.

With my date looking that gorgeous only good things could happen and I wanted to make sure that her smile was a permanent feature on her face all night.


	14. Chapter 14: Admissions

**A.N**

**Rating has been changed to M. If you don't want to read that scene stop at the -=-=-=-=- and continue reading when it appears again. **

_Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Give Me A Little Trust**

**Chapter Fourteen: Admissions**

_Edward's POV_

We arrived at the restaurant and I had us seated at the back in a secluded booth away from the other patrons. Both of us slid into the booth and ordered some water and wine before having a look at the menu.

"What's the special occasion?" Bella asked, pushing my hair away from my eyes.

"No special occasion, I just wanted to take you out."

"To my favourite restaurant, is that a coincidence?" She smirked and ran her over the top of my chest intimately.

"Okay maybe I did have a reason for bringing you here but I'd prefer that we ate before getting to that." I said, nuzzling at her neck.

"I'm now worried, what is it?"

"Don't be worried. It's a good thing; I just hope you see it that way too."

"No Edward, you're going to have to tell me as I'm panicking." She looked nervous and worried. I took her hands in mine and gave them a gentle squeeze.

"I wasn't sure how to tell you so I thought I'd go with the romantic setting and everything. But now thinking about it I could have just told you at home and it wouldn't have mattered. I wanted to tell you that I love you. It may be soon but I've felt this way for a while. You don't have to say it back, I understand."

"And what if I want to say it back?" Bella asked, turning my face to look at her. "I love you very much Edward." She kissed me softly and stroked my cheek. "And you're right, you didn't need to bring me here to say that but I'm glad you did."

The waiter came back and took our orders then left again without so much as a word.

"So was that as bad as you first thought it would be?" I asked, playing with a strand of her hair. I just couldn't keep my hands off of her.

"No, a small part of me thought you were going to ask me to move out again." I shook my head and chuckled.

"I would have to be crazy to do that." She shrugged.

"I didn't know what to expect."

"You're too big a part of my life now, I couldn't let you go. Though you have raised a good point."

"About moving out?"

"Not so much, more to do with what do we do with your house when it's renovated. If you want to go back I understand but-" She pulled me to her and kissed me passionately, putting a lot of emotions into it.

"I don't want to leave you, ever. When my house is back to normal we either sell it or rent it out. I'm not going back there unless you're coming with me and seeing as I like your house better I think we should live there."

"It's not my house anymore, it's our house." That made her smile and she gave me a quick peck before sitting back as our food arrived.

We started in on our food and were too busy eating to talk but kept looking over at each other and smiling. It wasn't like we needed to talk. I let my thoughts wander and recalled her saying that she never wanted to leave me, so what would we become in the future?

"What are your thoughts on marriage?" I asked. Bella practically chocked on her pasta, followed by a wide eyed look of fear.

"Why?" She placed her fork down and reached over me, patting down my pockets.

"What are you doing?" I asked confused.

"Making sure you weren't going to propose."

"Oh." My face must have shown my disappointment as she quickly tried to recover.

"No, I didn't mean like that. I was just worried that you were going to propose now and to me that would be too fast, we just moved in with each other after all."

"I wasn't going to ask tonight. I just wanted to know your thoughts but it seems clear marriage isn't a popular idea in your mind." She smiled but shook her head.

"Not right now, maybe in the future."

"That's what I was thinking about. You said you never wanted to leave me and I don't want to leave you so along the natural lines of a relationship marriage would be somewhere in there." Bella resumed eating and nodded.

"You're right, marriage would be in there."

"Along with children too, if only I could give you them." I muttered to myself.

"Edward." I looked up at Bella and she had a sad smile on her lips, obviously she heard me. "You have to understand I don't mind that you can't get me pregnant. There are other means of having children and unlike Lauren I won't be picky. Maybe we should talk about this. It seems to still be an issue."

I slumped back in the booth and sighed. Bella put her hand on my knee and leant against my body, kissing my neck.

"Talk to me Edward. I need to know what's going on in that head of yours."

"I don't think I know myself." I replied honestly.

"Well answer me this. At some point, do you want children?"

"Yes."

"Then when that time comes we'll handle it then. Until that time it's not an issue and we live in the moment, together. Just remember, I'll always be here for you and that I love you with all of my heart." She leant up and kissed me softly then pulled me to sit up properly. "Your food's getting cold."

_Bella's POV_

Edward was clearly still thinking about the children issue and it pained me to know he was worrying about such things. I wanted to take his mind off it all and as my light chatter about nonsense didn't seem to be doing the trick I switched methods and began to use my womanly charms against him.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

He practically jumped out of his chair when I put my hand on his knee, clearly surprised by this turn of events. I gave him an innocent smile and returned to my food, with one hand still on his knee. Gradually I began to move it up his thigh, teasing him along the way.

His light emerald eyes were now very dark and burning into mine with lust and adoration. That look alone sent shivers through my body and made me crave him more.

"Don't think you'll go unpunished for this." Edward whispered in my ear, momentarily stopping my hand's trail up his thigh.

I continued my game through dinner, getting so close to the one part he wanted me to touch but not actually touching there. Occasionally he would whimper and pout at me, practically begging me to help him out with his very evident problem, straining the front of his pants.

Edward basically dragged me out of the restaurant, not even asking if I wanted dessert. He just chucked some money on the table and pulled me to the car.

On the drive home I was planning on teasing him but Edward was speeding at a hundred miles an hour so it seemed safer not to. I didn't want us to end up wrapped round a tree trunk due to his desperate need to have sex.

The car lurched to a stop in the driveway as Edward slammed on the brakes. This wasn't really a side I saw to him but it definitely was doing wonders for me. Before I had my seatbelt off my door was opening at he had me out of the car, kissing me wildly.

I pushed him away from me and told him to lock the car and get his house keys; otherwise I think we would be giving our neighbours a free sex show on our front lawn. Eventually he had the door open for us, about bloody time.

The front door slammed behind us and Edward was all over me in an instant, not that I was complaining. I was pushed against the closest wall as he kissed me passionately, hands running through my hair and pulling me closer to him. Eventually Edward removed his lips from me own and left me wanting more, which I was about to get.

His lips felt incredible against my neck. Every so often he would nip at the skin, getting me to groan, and then move further down. While his lips were working their magic on my neck and collarbone his hands were grazing up my thighs, taking my dress with them.

I couldn't wait any longer and reached for his belt buckle. He caught on quickly as I made quick work of his pants and began kicking off his shoes. We were both eager, just needing to be with each other.

Soon enough his boxers, pants, socks and shoes were kicked across the floor and his erection was pressed against my stomach. He had pushed my dress down at the front and moved my bra out of the way so his lips could have access to one of my breasts. The feel of his tongue against me had my hips bucking towards him.

The next thing I felt was Edward hoisting me up against the wall. I wrapped my legs securely around his waist and held on to his neck. My dress was bunched up revealing my panties below which Edward grazed softly with his hands

"Fuck I want you so bad." He said, sliding one hand up my dress, pulling my damp panties to the side and positioning himself before he thrust forward quickly.

We both cried out in pleasure as he entered me swiftly. After a second or so he pulled back and thrust in to me again, moaning my name. He was rough and demanding. There was a tenderness to his movements but an animalistic one as well that had me completely turned on.

I was in bliss as he held me against the wall, getting harder and faster. There was a crash and we stopped, startled then looked round. Smashed on the floor was a photo frame with the glass all over the place.

"Leave it, we'll get to that later." I said, kissing him with as much passion as I could muster.

He seemed to agree as I felt him begin to move again. I knew he wasn't going to last much longer and was desperate to see him just let go so I tightened my muscles around him. A string of profanities fell from his mouth as he almost hit his peak.

"I want you to cum with me." He said huskily in my ear. I nodded and bucked my hips against him, causing the friction I desired so much.

He moved a bit and had me pressed up with one arm of support under me. I was going to ask him to use two but the second hand rendered me incoherent as he stroked me in time with his thrusts. It then became too much and I gripped onto him for dear life as I fell over the edge, apparently bringing him with me.

He dove into one last time before cursing and panting heavily in the crook of my neck. I wasn't much better, nails deep in his scalp, struggling to catch my breath and was now exhausted.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Edward held me tightly to him and carried me up the stairs; briefly watching where he was stepping so not cut himself on the glass. He kicked open the bedroom door and both of us collapsed onto the bed and continued to lie in each other's arms. I snuggled up to his chest, inhaling his scent with each breath as he played with my hair and occasionally kissing my head.

"God I love you Bella." He whispered, closing his eyes after pulling me closer.

"And you know I love you too." With a peck on his cheek I settled my head down onto his chest to listen to his heartbeat.

After moving in with him I came to find that his heartbeat was a very therapeutic sound for me and almost instantly put me to sleep. Though after tonight's activities I think they would put me to sleep more than the gently sound of his heart.


	15. Chapter 15: New Journey

_Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer_

**Give Me A Little Trust**

**Chapter Fifteen: New Journey**

_Bella's POV_

"Do you think we should leave them?"

"Yes, let's just go."

"No, wake them up. I want to tease them about last night."

"Leave them alone."

"But Jazz they took a picture off the wall, how hard were they going at it?"

"Shut up Em."

"Let's go."

The voices died down and the door clicked shut again. I slowly opened my eyes and scanned the room, thankfully they had all left. Edward still looked sound asleep and clearly didn't wake to the intrusion.

I slipped out of his arms and nipped into the bathroom at which I realised I was still wearing my dress from last night. My cheeks flooded with colour as I stripped down and thought back over last night.

The shower cooled my raging mind considerably and after drying myself and my hair I went back to see Edward. He was still in bed but awake now and giving me that sexy crooked smile as he held out his hands for me to join him.

"I don't think so mister. If I'm not mistaken our friends are downstairs." I said, changing into some clothes.

"Really?" He looked put out and annoyed.

"Yeah. They came in earlier. Em's looking forward to asking about how the picture came off the wall." Edward's cheeks coloured slightly and he shook his head softly.

"I forgot about that. I'll go clean up the glass."

"No you go shower and then come down. I'll do it." I kissed him passionately to stop his protests and left the room.

The talking stopped abruptly when they heard my footsteps on the stairs. Emmett was shushing the lot of them as I walked in.

"I don't want to hear it." I announced, looking round at all of them.

Em looked like he was about to burst, Alice was smirking at me along with Rose, and Jasper just shook his head smiling.

"It's none of your business so let's not talk about why there's smashed glass all over the floor."

"With Edward's shoes, socks, boxers and pants. You can't forget them." Emmett chimed.

"Yes those too." I grabbed a dustpan and brush and nipped into the hall, the four of them following behind me. "How'd you guys get in?"

"I have a key." Alice said, putting Edward's shoes to the side neatly. "How'd you know we were here?"

"You guys were loud when you came in the bedroom."

"Probably not as loud as you and Edward were last night. I bet the neighbours thought you were knocking down a wall with that thumping."

"Shut up Em." He sniggered and took the brush from me, sweeping the glass shards up into a pile to be swept onto the dustpan. "So why are you all here, not that I mind?"

"We were planning on going to the park today and just spending some time there. Will you and Edward join us?"

"Yeah, we don't have any plans."

Alice went into the cupboard under the stairs and brought out a basket which she took to the kitchen. Inside it held plates, cups and cutlery. It was an actual picnic basket and from her raiding the fridge I gathered that's what we were going to be doing at the park.

"I've got blankets in the car." She said as Emmett helped prep the food.

"Why do we always have to use my food when we go on one of these trips?" Edward whined from the doorway.

"Because your fridge is always well stocked and it saves me a trip to the store. Now, shut your whining and go fetch some dishtowels or napkins please." His sister told him in her no nonsense tone.

Edward did as he was told as I watched them at work. Within twenty minutes Alice had prepared a full three course lunch for us and we were on our way to the park. Edward decided to follow them in his car rather than squeeze the six of us in. We all would have fitted fine if we weren't taking so much with us.

When we arrived Alice looked around and then decided she had found the perfect location for us on the grass but close enough to the trees so we got the shade if need be. Rose, Alice and I began putting the food out as the guys dumped the cooler and moved off to the side to play cricket.

Jasper was bating, Edward bowling and Emmett in the outfield. I hadn't really watched cricket before but I got the basics. Edward bowled at some pace and sadly for Jasper he missed it and the wickets fell to the grass. That cocky smile I loved graced Edward's face as Emmett laughed at Jasper.

"Don't be so mean." Alice scolded Em, sticking up for Jazz when she saw him look sheepish. Emmett immediately stopped laughing when Rose shot him a glare as well. It seemed he would never go up against her.

"Alright let's change it up. I'll bat, Jazz you can field and Em you bowl." Edward said, taking the cricket bat from Jasper.

Once we had the food out we tucked into it. The guys wanted to play some more and then would come over. We took advantage of that and enjoyed the peace as lying out in the sun. It was of course ruined when they thumped over and planted themselves down beside us.

"What we got?" Em said, surveying what we had left for them.

He wasted no time and dug straight in whereas Jasper and Edward grabbed some drinks first. The park was relatively busy with children playing and people out walking their dogs, most just enjoying the sun while it lasts.

We stayed and chatted to them for a bit but then Rose felt tempted to play their 'silly' game of cricket. They all perked up at the prospect of seeing us attempt to play so handed over the kit but not before giving us tips on how to do it. They seriously thought we were incompetent when it came to sports. Little did they know Rose was killer at it, she even kept this bit of information from Edward.

For safety purposes I was in the field area waiting as Alice threw the ball and Rose batted. They made a big show of their bit and certainly attracted a lot of attention, not just from our men sitting off to the side drooling. Rose would lean forward slightly, holding the bat so her breasts were practically falling out of her top. Alice would stretch every time she had to throw, her top riding up over her stomach. As they did that I just stood still, not bothering with that.

Alice hadn't let on how much she liked Jasper but it was evident that she wanted him as much as he wanted her. Unfortunately they hadn't done anything about that yet. Rose and Em were a little more complicated. They loved to yell and scream at each other but it was all foreplay and they both knew it. But still they hadn't done anything about it. At least Edward and I had and we were meant to be the most prudent.

Rose hit the ball away and I raced off to get it, shaking my thoughts away and getting down to playing. After all we did have to show the guys up and make them jealous in the mean time.

_Edward's POV_

They were playing a dangerous game out there. Jasper and Emmett were eating out of Alice and Rose's hands but so was every other male in the part. It wouldn't take long before Em went caveman on Rose and throw her over his shoulder before racing off to somewhere private.

Thankfully Bella wasn't playing the role of the third seductress. She was just playing normally and not caring about the other two. I was relieved about that. If other mean had been staring at her the way they were my sister and best friend I'd have to punch them. Although I was protective of the other two I knew that if they acted this way they were prepared to handle the consequences. If I guy came up or did something inappropriate they'd put him in his place no problem.

"What are those midgets doing?" Emmett said, glaring at three young boys, probably pre-teens, talking to our girls.

"Relax Em, it'll be fine." Jasper said, patting him on the shoulder reassuringly.

"I don't think so. The one in green is eyeing Rose's chest. Only I should be allowed to look there." I shook my head and watched as one of the boys went over to Bella, saying something that made her laugh and shake her head.

We all sat in wait, watching as the girls managed to get the boys to go away. They had ruined a perfectly good game of cricket and also planned on hitting on our girls. For that I think they should be punished but the law says I can't run them down with my car. Apparently that's not allowed.

"About bloody time." Em said as they walked back across the park, letting the girls get back to their game.

We were still a little anguished with everyone's eyes on them but decided as a group it would be better if we asked them politely not to do that again rather than storm over there. That would probably gain all three of us the cold shoulder.

The next set to walk up to there were of no threat at all. It was about four kids and from the looks of them they couldn't have been older than five. The girls' flirtatious side died instantly and they turned more motherly, each kneeling down to the children's level when talking to them.

I watched Bella as she pushed some hair away from the little boy's eyes and smiled at him. He was talking to her animatedly about something before taking her hand and leading her over to the others. Rose was letting the others hold the bat and ball as Alice spoke to the only girl in the group. My guess was she was giving her fashion tips; it would totally be something my sister would do.

Our once jealous minds were thinking about the prospects of the future with the three women in front of us who had completely captured us. Jasper was smiling softly at my sister and whether he realised or not he would marry her at one point. Emmett looked a little anxious but my guess that was over the new thoughts plaguing his mind about Rose and children. From all I could gather from him he seemed like he was scared of commitment but by the looks of things if it was with Rose he'd be okay.

I, of course, was thinking about the children I wouldn't have with Bella. For starters we'd have to be married before I even raised the idea of us trying for a baby and as I just got divorced I doubt she'd want to jump at the opportunity. It wouldn't be something I'd like to talk about just yet in case I freaked her out. Being a mother would be scary, especially if you know it's not going to be an easy path and with a man you're not married to.

She'd have to know though that I would be there for her no matter what. If she was carrying my baby for some miraculous reason I would never leave her. She would have brought me the thing I want the most. Of course I'd be with her even if she wasn't pregnant. I loved her and wanted us to be together for the rest of our lives, a baby, or lack thereof, wouldn't change that.

Something changed that afternoon in me. I couldn't stop thinking about how Bella was with that boy at the park. She had the mother instinct down to pat and as my brain knew that it was conjuring up images of Bella's stomach swollen with my child.

I tried for three weeks to ignore the thoughts, dreams and images. They didn't go away though and intensified with time. It was beginning to affect my work and I think everyone noticed. No one specifically said anything but it was clear that I wasn't coping very well.

I just didn't know what to do and it felt like I should talk to someone, I didn't know who though. It would probably be best to talk to Bella about it all but I was scared she'd turn around and reject me.

Eventually I'd tell her, she deserved to know what was bothering me so much and what I wanted us to have.

_Bella's POV_

Edward had been unusual for a month. He was quiet, collected, and kept to himself. I was really beginning to panic, thinking I had done something drastically wrong to cause this change in him.

Alice was convinced that I had nothing to do with this and in time it would blow over. Well seeing as a he hadn't been his normal self in four weeks I didn't think it would just pass easily. I planned on getting him to talk to me tonight.

As Edward couldn't seem to concentrate on anything he spent longer hours at the office and I'd only see him when he came to our bed well after 11pm. I hadn't said anything to him about that as I didn't want to cause problems but it would only get worse if it wasn't resolved.

I heard the front door close as I brushed my teeth. Glancing at the clock on my way back into the bedroom I saw it was quarter to one. I settled down on the bed and waited for Edward as he moved around downstairs. Several minutes later I heard his footsteps on the stairs and waited anxiously to see how he was.

He walked in looking exhausted and tired. I got up off the bed and embraced him softly.

"You look dead on your feet." I murmured, undoing his tie as he stood in front of me motionless.

"I think I am." Carefully I slipped his jacket off his shoulders onto the floor and worked at the buttons on his shirt.

Edward continued to watch me as I undid each button and moved onto the next one. Once they were all undone I slipped the shirt off of one shoulder and worked his arm free as he leant in and kissed my neck. Eventually the shirt hit the ground too and I began on his belt buckle.

"Are you going to tell me what has you so gloomy?"I asked him, removing the belt and placing it on the chair.

"I've just been thinking." He muttered, shrugging.

"Usually that doesn't make you so sad. What exactly were you thinking about?" Edward stepped out of his pants round his ankles and stood before me in his boxers and socks. I sat him on the bed and removed the latter so he was just in his underwear.

"I had a dream."

"Usually dreams are good. If it was bad it would be a nightmare."

"It was good. It was amazing but it was a dream. It can't come true." Edward crawled onto his side of the bed and lay down, watching me as I scrambled to join him.

"What was it about?" Gently I caressed his cheeks as his eyes drooped shut.

"We…we were together, much like we are now but there was another member of our little family."

"We can get a pet if you want one." Edward chuckled and shook his head, eyes still closed.

"It wasn't a pet Bella, it was a baby." That stumped me.

"A baby?" My question provoked his eyes to open and look at me with a calculating stare.

"Does that scare you?"

"Not at all." And it didn't. Thinking about Edward and I having a baby wasn't scary at all. It seemed natural and it kind of excited me. "You want a baby?"

"Very much, but it's definitely not possible."

"Or so you say." His gaze turned lethal at that.

"Are you accusing me of lying?"

"No, absolutely not. What I meant was that surely there are other methods to try. From what you told me you and Lauren only tried the natural means or getting pregnant. What about IVF, ICSI or something else similar?"

"We didn't attempt them. She was so furious about having some rather invasive examinations that she didn't want that. Lauren insisted that if I couldn't get her pregnant by natural means then I wasn't to be the father of her children." He sighed and gave me a sad smile.

"So would you try other methods?"

"If it gave me a baby then yes."

"Well then let's try." Edward shot me a bewildered look.

"Are you serious?" I nodded and pushed his hair away from my face. "Bella don't toy with me."

"I'm not. I want this Edward. I want a baby with you and unlike Lauren I don't mind trying every means necessary."

"Does that mean we're really going to try for a baby, despite the fact that we're not married?"

"Is that a major concern?"

"Not at the moment but if we became pregnant I would like us to get married. Seeing as the process takes a long time I don't see the need right now."

"So are we going to try?"

"Yeah, if that's what you want."

"I do and I'd like to start now."

"We can't, not until we speak to the doctors."

"Edward, there is one method we don't need the doctors for." I pushed Edward onto his back and kissed him.

"But natural conception doesn't work." He groaned.

"That doesn't matter. We're still going to try."

So we did, constantly, for weeks since it took forever to get an appointment. The night after we agreed to have a baby Edward called in and got referred to a new doctor, a different from the one he and Lauren were referred to. The doctor was booked solid for a month so we had to wait.

But finally it the day came and Edward and I were on our way to see the doctor. I was nervous as hell but he kept reassuring me everything was going to be okay. I really hoped he was right, I want to have a baby with him and although I know it will be a hard journey I'm willing to go on it.

"Mr Cullen, Miss Swan?" The nurse called us up and with one last squeeze of my hand Edward and I walked into the doctor's office, going to find out what our chances and options were to find out how to create a little person with a part of me and a part Edward.

A.N.

IVF – In Vitro Fertilisation

ICSI – Intracytoplasmic sperm injection


	16. Chapter 16: Injections Galore

_Disclaimer: I own nothing._

**Give Me A Little Trust**

**Chapter Sixteen: Injections Galore**

_Bella's POV_

"_Mr Cullen, Miss Swan?" The nurse called us up and with one last squeeze of my hand Edward and I walked into the doctor's office, going to find out what our chances and options were to find out how to create a little person with a part of me and a part Edward._

The doctor shook both our hands and introduced himself as we took a seat in the chairs across from his desk, our hands still clasped. I wasn't letting go of Edward's hand anytime soon. It was my support system today as I was nervous as hell.

Edward explained the situation to the doctor when he asked. Due to length of time Edward had been trying for a baby we were told about what our methods of conceiving a baby could be, along with alternative medicines and adoption. As we had already made the decision to try for a baby without the use of sperm donors we were counting on Edward's sperm to pull through.

"You have three options really, IVF, IUI and IVF/ICSI. Are you aware of what these all are?" We both nodded so he continued. "If everything is okay with Miss Swan we'll go ahead and try IVF/ICSI. Due to you already being diagnosed as infertile Mr Cullen, ICSI would seem like the most likely way to conceive."

IVF would involve fertilisation outside the body, in a Petri dish, and then having the embryo implanted back into the uterus. In ICSI one sperm is injected into the egg for fertilisation, and then it is implanted.

"What would be required of us?" Edward asked, rubbing my hand soothingly. We were both aware that I would have to go through more than him but now we wanted to know just how much.

"Well we'd need a blood sample and then sperm samples. We'll freeze any viable sperm as a backup in case the sample you give us on the day of the procedure has none. The blood test is routine for any sexually transmitted diseases. Miss Swan you will be going through much more than that but don't let that scare you, we try our best to make it as comfortable and stress free as possible."

"To start with we'll take some blood and have that checked over to make sure your FSH/Progesterone/hCG levels and then we'll do a pelvic examination just to check everything's in working order."

What the hell were FSH/Progesterone/hCG levels? God, we've just started and already I was being drowned in the medical terms.

"And when will we find out if everything's okay?"

"Immediately after for the pelvic exam, as for the blood tests and sperm sample two days max. Once all the results are in we'll go over the options more in greater detail so you both can decide what will be the best. How does all that sound?"

"Okay," I said, feeling rather nervous.

"Alright," Edward answered, squeezing my hand again.

"Good. Now, let's get you both sent off for these tests, the faster the better." He smiled warmly at us and stood up, ushering us to follow.

Dr Chilton handed us over to the nurses and after I kissed Edward on the cheek we were led separate ways. The nurse asked me to lie down on the bed so they could take blood. The small prick of the needle going in seemed like a breeze compared to what was ahead.

Once they had enough for a sample I was moved next door for a pelvic exam. This I was a little worried about, especially once I saw the device that was going to show them everything. In layman's terms it looked like a vibrator. I was a little worried at first but knew this was a requirement if I wanted to have a baby with Edward and I really did. Nothing would stop me from achieving that if it was humanly possible. And if it wasn't we'd adopt to get our baby.

"This may feel just a bit uncomfortable," the nurse said, setting everything up as I sat on the bed, legs in the stirrups and waiting.

The whole thing wasn't as bad as I thought it would be but it really would have been better if Edward had been with me holding my hand. I just really could have used him being in the room, though understood perfectly why he wasn't. He did have to go and do his own part for this. After all, without his sperm sample we were not going to achieve anything.

After going through everything they needed to I walked back out to the waiting area. Edward was sitting with his head in his hands. I approached and softly rubbed his shoulders and back, getting him to look up at me.

"What's wrong?" I asked, pulling him up.

"Nothing, we can talk about it later." He took my hand and went over to the reception desk to book us in for our next appointments. I wasn't entirely sure what was going on despite being told about it. My brain was choosing to shut off and block it out for now.

Edward started making appointments for our next visit and my eyes scanned the waiting room of couples in similar situations as he chatted with one of the nurses like they were friends. Probably were after the number of times he had been in here.

Will I be like him, recognised by the staff after a while? Will our hopes of a baby fail miserably that this doctor's office becomes a second home to us? God I hope not. I couldn't take it if that was the case.

Once in the car I took Edward's free hand and held it in mine, wanting to reassure him that everything would be okay. He was worrying me a little but it couldn't have been that bad, or at least I hoped it wouldn't be that bad.

Back at his house Edward parked the car and we both got out. He busied himself with lunch while I sat at the counter watching him. For some reason he was stalling and I couldn't work out why. Realising that Edward wasn't going to talk first I decided to bring it up.

"You want to tell me what's wrong now or shall we just dance around this topic for another hour?"

Edward stopped what he was doing and put everything down. He walked over and kissed me softly, running his hands through my hair and down the side of my body to my ribs. I knew this method well, dazzle me and I'll forget. Well, this time it wasn't going to work. We were embarking on a difficult path and needed to have full trust in each other to say what we're thinking.

"Stop that," I said as I pushed him back a bit. "Tell me," I prompted. Edward sighed and took a seat next to me, lunch abandoned on the counter.

"I don't know why you're still here," he admitted.

"What do you mean?"

"Well I'm expecting you to realise what a mistake you're making. We're going to go through months of this, so many examinations, injections, and procedures that it'll make your head spin."

"And I'm aware of that."

"But are you really? Cause it's not too late to change your mind." I closed my eyes and sighed. He was still giving me an out when I didn't want one.

"Edward, please listen to me and trust me when I say I want this. I want us to have a baby and no matter what they throw our way I'm not going to up and run." He nodded softly and kissed my cheek.

"I'm worried this isn't what you want."

"I want this Edward, please don't doubt that. I love you very much and I want us to have a family together. It will take time and at times it'll be very hard but we can do this." I leaned forward and kissed his cheek. I kept my head rested against his and gradually kissed round until I kissed his lips.

Taking his hand I led him up the stairs and to our bedroom. Edward began to protest when I pushed him onto the bed but I needed this as much as him and made that known. After that he didn't protest at all. We fought against each other for dominance, getting out our anger and stress from earlier. It was tasking on us both and despite Edward having gone through the process somewhat before he clearly found it difficult, the fertility treatment, not sex.

With panting breaths Edward and I collapsed onto the bed, him throwing the quilt over our physically exhausted and mentally drained selves. I rolled over and snuggled into his chest. His hand caressed my back as I drew circles over his stomach, occasionally kissing him.

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

"I just want this to work out for us. I love you and…I think we could be great parents." Edward leant down and kissed my forehead.

"Me too."

The two of us feel asleep rather quickly after that and I dreamt of a little bronze haired boy running rings around his silly father, Edward. It was a lovely dream but also a painful one. That need to make this work was back with a kicking force.

The following days after the doctor's appointment we found out Edward still had the same sperm count and due to how low it was our options were limited, I was apparently very healthy and fertile which was good news all round, and the next step we had to take was to start IVF.

Edward and I went back to the fertility clinic to be briefed fully on what was going to happen and then I would start the first round of medications. It was going to be the beginning of a very long and hard process but with a baby at the end of it, it all seemed worth it.

The medication I was put on was to suppress the normal ovulation cycle. The drugs block certain hormones from being produced and this puts you into an artificial menopause stage. Unfortunately you can also experience menopause symptoms.

In order to take these drugs they had to be injected daily for two weeks straight. Seeing as I didn't like needles Edward was going to be the one to do it. He practiced several times using a syringe filled with water and an orange before he began injecting me.

Like clockwork every night when Edward got home from work we'd get the medications all sorted out and the injections would begin. Afterwards, I'd clean up the used stuff and we'd make dinner together.

We were both filled with hope that this could work, despite being told that the success rate of IVF is 20-30%. It really was all out of our hands. We couldn't control it at all, just had to trust in God that he would grant us a baby at the end of the process. Of course, failure did seem likely. With the probability of success low we did have to keep things in perspective, despite how much we didn't want to. Getting our hopes up so early on would be disastrous if we had to go through it all again.

With us now finally getting started on infertility treatment it raised the issue of whether we tell everyone or not. I wasn't quite sure how they all would take it but knew eventually they would warm up to the idea.

"I think we should continue to keep this to ourselves, I don't really want them all in our business despite how well they mean," Edward said as we discussed it over dinner.

"I agree, it kinda adds a pressure to make it work, we certainly don't need any more than that. How will you get around the issue of missing work when going to appointments?" I asked, sitting in Edward's lap.

"Alice rarely checks my itinerary. Even if she does I'll schedule it in as a client meeting that needs to take place elsewhere, she surely won't deny me from wanting to expanding the company."

"But you're not expanding the company?" I pointed out.

"There's no need to, we do enough as it is. Everything's going well and if things get particularly hard for us I could just ask for some time off. She won't prohibit that as I am entitled to it."

"Will you be able to keep up with all your work commitments and do this at the same time?"

"Bella, no matter what happens, you will always come first. If work is taking too much of my life up I will cut back and hand things off."

"What if your job becomes jeopardised?"

"Jeopardised by whom? My father owns the whole company, and even at that, he wouldn't' fire his own son." I nodded and ran my hands through his hair.

"Well at least that's one less things we have to worry about."

"Very true," Edward said, agreeing.

"Come on, let's go to bed." I got up from his lap and we shut off all the lights, locked the doors and then headed on up, knowing that tomorrow would bring with it another clinic visit.

I woke up feeling rather groggy but ready to get going. Edward was in the shower so I went downstairs to make breakfast and then was going to hop in after him. Granted, there were other showers but I wanted to stick with my normal routine today, act like nothing had changed, and hopefully suppress the nerves.

Edward was his usual quiet and thoughtful self, like he always was on these days. He shut off his emotions and liked to care for mine. I think he felt really guilty about it all, especially how I had to go through all the treatments and he just sat back. That wasn't how I viewed his part in all this but still, that's how he viewed things. I saw him as my constant support system. He helped me handle my emotions.

When we arrived at the clinic and the doctor saw us I was told that for the next ten days I would have to come back to the clinic for a series of powerful injections. I would also have to undergo blood tests and vaginal ultrasound exams. These ultrasounds were to check on the follicle growth- which would ultimately lead to the eggs needed for fertilisation.

Edward and I went home, after I had the injection, and as I was feeling sluggish I headed straight to bed, leaving him to do what he wanted. When I woke around 3am the bed was still empty. Slowly peeling back the covers I got out and tiptoed downstairs, where the living room light was on and I could hear the sounds of the tv.

"You not coming to bed?" I asked, running my hands over his shoulders, standing behind the couch where he was sitting.

"Not yet," Edward answered, muting the television.

"Talk to me," I prompted, coming round and taking a seat beside him, curling my legs up under me.

"Alice has invited us out tomorrow evening for dinner. I said we'd go but now I'm not sure I want to."

"Why not?"

"All of this, I mean, the last two weeks have been particularly hard for you and now, going back and forth to the clinic every day is just draining, more so for you than me, yet it's my fault we're even there."

"It's not a fault Edward, how many times do I have to tell you? You didn't do this, you didn't pick this and you don't control this. We're just dealing with what we were given, what was out of our control so stop beating yourself up about it please."

"I try not to but it shouldn't be this hard," Edward said, his nostrils flaring as he tried to hold back tears. "I hate how you have to go through it all, I should take a brunt of this pain as well."

"You clearly are Edward, emotionally. Am I cut up about the situation we're in? Yes, I am. However, I know that when we get our baby, because we will get one, everything will have been worth it. Always remember that I love you. If I didn't, I certainly wouldn't be going through all this."

"I know, it just seems unfair that you have to be violated and go through all the invasive procedures, while I just have to jack off in a cup."

"Shush now, please. I don't have a problem with doing this. Is it tiring? Yes. Is it sore? Occasionally. Is it uncomfortable? Yes. Is it worth it? Yes."

"I guess that's all that matters then."

"Exactly." I leant up and kissed him on the cheek, caressing the other and his jaw with my hand. "We'll get there, trust me."

"What do I tell Alice tomorrow? Are we going tomorrow night or not?"

"I think we should. Our minds have constantly been on the IVF procedure that it will be good to have a little break from it. You know, relax and have fun again. It seems like lately all we ever do is talk about the clinic or the next injection and haven't taken time for us or our friends."

"It's easy to get bogged down, that's all."

"I know but maybe for the future we could try to lead our normal lives as well as going through fertility treatment. Think we can do that?"

"I'll certainly try."

"Thank you, that's all I ask. So where about are we going tomorrow?"

"Alice's house, she's cooking which will basically mean she's hired caterers." I chuckled and shook my head, taking Edward's hand. "What time will we have to be there?"

"Eh…well she finishes work around six o'clock so add on an hour and a half for her to get ready, then extra…I'd say we pitch up at around eight."

"Very well, now I'm going to head back to bed as I've got to return to the clinic in the morning. Will you be at work then?"

"No, I was going to go with you if that's okay?"

"Of course, that's fine. And are you coming to bed?"I asked, hoping that he would.

"Nah I'll come up shortly. Night," Edward said, kissing me softly and turned back to the television. Sighing I got up and returned to our bed, which was actually more like my bed now as Edward didn't seem to sleep in it.

I pulled the covers up over my body and brought Edward's pillow to me. I held it against my body and inhaled his scent. I loved Edward dearly, but I needed him to open up to me, let me in. This process was only going to get harder as time went on and if he kept shutting me out then we'd fall apart.

Infertility can break couples apart and now I knew why. I just hoped it didn't happen to us.

* * *

A.N.

Sorry, took me a long time to get this out. Thanks to all of those that offered up information and helped me. Despite trying to learn as much as I could I'm pretty sure I've made some mistakes so forgive me for that. Also I'm going from what is used in the UK- might be different elsewhere.


	17. Chapter 17: Falling Into Turmoil

_Disclaimer: I own nothing. _

**Give Me A Little Trust **

**Chapter Seventeen: Falling Into Turmoil**

_Bella's POV_

For the next ten days I was to receive strong and powerful injections which were going to force the eggs to mature and then be ready for collection. Yesterday I had the first one and it made me exhausted so I wasn't looking forward to the one I would receive today.

Edward planned on coming with me, for which I was glad about, and we would be leaving the house momentarily. He was going to be there at the clinic for the injections and then drive me home before heading on to his work. There was no doubt about it, he would be late, but according to him he said that didn't matter and no one would care.

As I had to have these injections every day I wasn't going to let him accompany me to all of them. That would just be ridiculous given all the days he wouldn't be in on time. Although he claimed that his job could never be in jeopardy I didn't want to take the risk.

It wasn't so much I was worried about him being fired, more about the questions his family would ask if they were to notice his constant tardiness. Explaining to everyone our decision to have a baby together, despite not being together long, would just cause too many problems. The added pressure of success for the fertility treatment would also not help.

That morning when we went to the clinic things were much like usual. Edward didn't say anything the whole time there and on the journey. He was always silent and I hated it. His thoughts were most likely eating away at him and it wasn't healthy at all to keep it bottled up. I was very close to suggesting he go see someone but knew right now I would lose that battle.

Without too much fuss I went in and the nurse gave me the injection for the day. All I had to do was keep reminding myself this was worth it in the end, because it was. The pain and the hardship right now could easily be forgotten once I held our baby.

After the injection was administrated I returned to Edward's arms. He kissed me on the cheek and checked the details pertaining tomorrows visit before we headed out to the car. His expression was sad and serious, as though he had just been told his favourite pet had died. There was nothing I could do for him. My words were going to become hollow if I kept repeating the same thing over and over again.

When he pulled up out front of our house I reached for the handle to get out immediately only to stop when he spoke. I was a little startled, having gotten used to the silence but regained my composure quickly.

"I love you, you know that right?" he said softly. I smiled and nodded at him, trying to convey how much I loved him too.

"Yeah, I know. And I love you too." The corners of his mouth lifted ever so slightly but it wasn't enough to call it a smile. "See you tonight?"

"Yep. We're going to Alice's, you remember?"

"Oh, no I forgot but I still want to go. Just give me a call when you're leaving the office, I'm thinking I will probably be asleep."

"Of course I will. See you later." I leant over and kissed him tenderly, cherishing the feeling of his lips against mine. He pulled back far too fast for my liking but I ignored it and began getting out the car once more.

Edward waited until I was inside the house before driving off. I watched his car turn at the corner of the street and then shut the door. My heart felt heavy with worry for him. He was really struggling with this and I had no idea how to support him.

I recalled that whenever I was in trouble or needed help I could rely on one friend to come to my aid no matter what. Picking up the phone I dialled Angela's number and waited for her to pick up. Over the past few months we had spoken briefly but it was usually just to check the other was okay. She knew she could call me anytime if she wanted something and thankfully the same offer applied for me.

"Hello?" she answered, clearly not recognising the number.

"Hey Angela, it's Bella here," I said, taking a seat on the sofa and curling up against the arm.

"Oh hey Bella, how are you? It's been a few weeks. What's going on? Do you need something? Are you in trouble?"

"Whoa slow down there," I said laughing. "I'm okay but I do need your help."

"Name it, what can I do for you?"

"Remember your friend, the counsellor?"

"Eh, yeah."

"Well I was wondering if you could give me his number."

"I can do that but what's going on?" she asked, a hint of worry in her voice.

Calmly I explained the situation and all too soon I was in tears. The doctor had warned the whole process could be very emotional due to the hormones I was being injected with but I brushed it off. Now I was getting the full force of that, and so was Angela who was doing her best to pacify me.

She realised it was hopeless over the phone and hung up, telling me she was on her way over once I gave her the address. When Angela did arrive she let herself in and immediately wrapped me in her arms, allowing me to cry on her shoulder.

Angela was the first person I had confided in about everything going on and afterwards it was like a small weight had been lifted. I felt better, if only slightly. Granted, my head was sore from crying and I just wanted to sleep but aside from that I felt like I could successfully get through the IVF treatment. Whether it would be successful would be another matter.

After I managed to compose myself I made Angela and myself some tea. As she had come over it did give us a great chance to really catch up on everything the other had happening. Although we had stayed in contact we mainly glossed over the details but this opportunity allowed us to open up to one another again.

Despite Angela only meeting Edward once, at his wedding anniversary, she was very accepting of him and our decision to have a baby. I could tell she wasn't just saying that to make me happy, but that she genuinely was supportive of the decision. Due to all that I was very thankful.

Angela made me promise to call her more often so I wouldn't be loaded down with all these worries. She also gave me the number of the counsellor but did suggest that I get Edward to tell someone he knows first, who will keep it a secret, and maybe that will help him get past the guilt.

By the time Angela left it was after lunch time and I was drained, emotionally and physically. As we were going to Alice's later I thought it best to get some sleep now. The couch was closest and I was too tired to go up the stairs so just lay there, eventually drifting off. The phone woke me later and I answered it groggily.

"Hello?"

"Hi," Edward said, sounding sad. "You sleeping?"

"I was yeah. You coming home?"

"Yeah I'm just leaving now. Are you still up for going tonight because we can cancel?"

"No, I want to go. I'm going to get ready."

"Okay, I'll see you in a few."

"Bye Edward."

"Bye." He hung up and I put the phone back.

Stretching my muscles out I got up and went to hunt an outfit for tonight. Alice hadn't specified dress code but knowing her it would be causal/smart. There was a fitting dress I could wear with a cardigan which didn't make me appear overly dressed but still decent enough. Hoping that would be alright I headed into the shower.

Edward made his presence know by opening the bathroom door slightly and poking his head in. He told me he'd use the other bathroom and would be ready soon. Once I was completely ready I went downstairs and saw Edward was ready as well.

He was sitting in the kitchen reading something in the paper. Standing there watching him just amplified the intensity of my feelings for him. I loved him with all my heart and knew he would make an amazing father. All we needed was for God to grant us the gift of being parents.

"I'm ready," I said softly, getting his attention.

Edward smiled at me and walked over. I leant up and kissed him, fixing his collar in the process. He moved away from my lips and kissed my neck, one hand on my stomach where, if I was pregnant, our child would be.

"Let's go," he said, dropping his hands and stepping back.

We went out to the car and drove over to Alice's in silence. The journey gave us time to put masks on, to hide the pain and torture of IVF, incompetence and fear. We would both be watched tonight to see if everything was alright as I could tell our friends were slightly worried so everything had to be good. Edward and I had to present ourselves well or questions would be asked which we wouldn't want to answer.

Alice lived further away than I thought but we soon arrived. Edward opened my door for me and helped me out before locking the car and walking us up the pathway to her front door. He rang the doorbell and only seconds later we heard the jingling of keys on the other side.

"Come in, come in!" Alice cheered, greeting us. She ushered us into her hallway and took our coats.

Edward grabbed my hand and led me through his sister's home, which I had never visited before. It was so Alice, the décor, the layout and just everything about it. She had done an amazing job using all the space so it appeared bigger than what it actually was and there was just a lovely homey feeling about it.

Once Alice had put our coats away she steered us into the living room at the back of the house. Emmett and Rose were in there bickering about something but it all seemed to be in good humour. I was expecting to see Jasper around as I knew how close he was to Alice but he didn't appear to be there. As if Alice knew what I was thinking she nodded towards the kitchen.

"It's not going well, I think we burnt it," Jasper said, coming out wearing oven gloves and carrying a pot.

"Aww, really?" Alice pouted and went over to investigate as Edward chuckled at them.

"Are you really surprised Alice? You can't cook to save yourself," he said, sitting down on the couch where I joined him.

"Well I thought since Jasper was here he would maybe balance out my bad cooking."

"So you didn't call the caterers sis?"

"Not tonight, which means you're just going to have to put up with this slightly burnt dinner. Any complaining and I'll make you eat seconds," she warned us, pulling Jasper into the kitchen.

"Ten bucks we order take out," Edward declared, retrieving his wallet.

"I'll take that. There's no way those two will get take out for us, they're so happy to be playing house."

"Rosalie, would you care to get in on the action?" Edward asked, seeing the gleam in her eye.

"Yeah, but I think they'll order take out. Sorry Em, you're not winning this." He frowned but shook his head.

"No way, I'm right. Jasper has been talking about this for days and how successful it will be. They won't admit defeat and order something in."

The three of them put their money on the mantelpiece and sat back down. Jasper came in the room then, wiping his brow and sighing. I raised my eyebrows at him, noticing the pink shine of Alice's lip-gloss on his lips. He blushed and wiped it off before Edward saw him.

Although Edward would be happy for his sister and Jasper I doubt he would be over the moon about them being so intimate with one another while he was around or while they were around food we were about to eat.

"You alright there Jasper? You look a bit flustered," Emmett said, grinning wildly. He clearly saw the lip-gloss too.

"Yeah…I'm fine." From the sounds of it he was definitely not. My guess was that Alice had turned him on and he had yet to turn himself off. "Dinner's ready," he said taking a deep breath.

Snickering we made our way to the dining room, Edward frowning at what he had missed. Everyone took a seat and Alice and Jasper brought in the food. In their defence it wasn't that bad and Emmett actually enjoyed most of it, though as Edward said, he'd eat anything so that doesn't really count.

We all seemed to be enjoying ourselves, despite the somewhat dodgy food. It felt good to leave the worries over everything else at home and just relax. Edward appeared to think so as well and I was actually seeing him smiling properly again after so long. It felt really good.

Of course then things took a turn when we moved through into the living room after dessert.

"Whoa," I said, feeling very light headed and swaying on my feet. I reached out to balance on the fireplace but clearly was standing further away than I originally thought as I missed it and fell to the ground.

"Jesus Christ!" Edward cried after the thud of my body hitting the wooden floor.

I felt Alice's small hands trying to help me up and then Emmett's on my other side. Edward was then in front of me, lifting my head up so he could see me. The worry and fear was written all over his face.

"Are you okay?" Emmett asked worryingly.

"I will be, yes. I just need to get up." With that the three of them got me to my feet and over to the couch. "Sorry about that," I said, feeling bad for causing such a palaver.

"Oh please Bella, there's no need to say sorry," Rosalie said, also looking concerned.

"You sure everything is alright?" Alice asked, rubbing my arm soothingly having sat next to me.

"Yeah, I'm just a little tired," I said glancing up at Edward. He frowned and shook his head, excusing himself from the group. "I'll be back in a sec, okay?" They all nodded as I followed him out.

He was standing in Alice's kitchen, hands on the counter top, head down and with his back to me. I walked up slowly and placed my hand on his shoulder. The movement startled him a bit but he calmed when he saw who it was.

"I shouldn't have agreed to come here tonight," Edward said quietly. "We should go home. I don't want you tiring yourself out."

"I'm okay, don't worry about me."

"I do worry about you though Bella. How could I not? You're putting yourself through hell for me. I have to worry," he said angrily.

"Don't do that. Don't make this about you because it's not Edward. I'm not doing this for you I'm doing this for me. I want this baby, it's not just you."

"Fine. Look, I'm sorry but this whole situation frustrates me!" he cried heatedly. "It's my fault yet you go through the pain!" His head slumped forward and his breathing picked up. My man was breaking down.

"We're not doing this every time I feel tired, am in pain or get upset. You have to stop this now Edward or it will destroy us. I can't hold the both of us together if times get hard, I need you there too. You need to get past this and if you can't then you need to learn how to work round it. I won't let you wallow in self-pity for something that was completely out of your control." He nodded and spun round, wrapping me in his arms.

I hugged him back, inhaling deeply and losing myself momentarily in the smell of him. Edward was slowly but surely losing him mind with this, and we had barely even started. There was so much ahead of us that could go wrong. Just seeing him like this was torture as I knew if something else failed or if I had to go through it all again he'd lose himself completely.

"I think we better go home," Edward said, kissing my cheek.

"Yeah, I'll go thank Alice." He nodded and went to get our coats before saying goodbye.

I exited the kitchen and walked over to Alice who was looking at me with concern. She gave me a tight little hug, knowing we would be leaving now, and said that I should go see a doctor. That caused me to laugh a bit, which she didn't get.

"It's just the flu Alice, nothing more. It'll pass."

"Well it better. Edward, make sure you take care of her, will you?" she asked as he entered the room.

"I'll take care of her," he said, helping me put on my coat.

"If I hear you've not got her seen to there will be trouble," she cried, taking Jasper's hand.

We then said goodbye to everyone else, who all were rather apprehensive about what was really going on. I don't think they bought the flu lie but I wasn't exactly going to spill to them about the IVF. On one hand they deserved to know as they were our friends and family but on the other I was scared of their reactions. It would be less stressful if they didn't know for now.

Edward opened the car door for me and helped me in before going round to his side. He started the car up and waved goodbye to the others that were standing round the door, watching us leave. At some point on the journey back I must have fallen asleep because I woke up being carried up the pathway to our house.

"Why didn't you wake me?" I asked, holding on tightly to Edward's shoulders.

"You were looking so peaceful, I didn't want to disturb.

"You shouldn't have to carry me; I can walk now I'm awake." He looked at me for a second, as though contemplating what I had said and then set me on my feet at the door.

He unlocked the door and let me inside first, watching me carefully as I did so. I knew he was worried I was going to fall again but that wasn't the case as I felt better now than I did then. Still, he watched and even attempted to help me up the stairs.

After getting changed out of my evening wear I settled into bed, with Edward leaning against the doorframe. I motioned for him to come to bed but he shook his head. He did walk across the floor though and kiss me softly on the cheek before leaving, switching the lights out behind him. It kinda felt like I had been put to bed as if I were a child.

Shaking my head of that thought and all the worries I had about Edward I lay down in the comfortable bed, alone. His issues were still eating at him but right now there was nothing I could do. I would talk to him tomorrow about talking to someone, a professional or not, and we'd go from there. Regardless of the situation, I loved him and didn't regret taking this challenging path with him.

Let's just hope the remaining 9 days of injections wouldn't be as hard as today had been. If they were then we wouldn't make it though this in one piece.

* * *

A/N

Updates will be slow for this story, I just find it really hard to write, but it will be updated eventually. Thanks for being so patient.


	18. Chapter 18: Toothless Grin

**Give Me A Little Trust **

**Chapter Eighteen: Toothless Grin**

_Bella's POV_

The following nine days of injections were just as horrific as the first two days. Edward was pulling away from me more and more and there was nothing I could do. I did suggest that he speak to someone about what we were going through and about his guilt, but he shook it off, claiming he was fine and that I should not worry. Of course, that was all I could do.

At some point though I had to put my worries for him aside and focus on myself. While being given the injections I needed to make sure I ate well, rested more, and had the opportunity to talk to someone about everything.

Angela came by several more times during that period, and we became much closer than what we were before, which was unusual as I did not think that it would be possible after us being friends for so many years. She helped me battle my worries for Edward and gave me a break from everything that was going on.

On the day that I stopped receiving the injections Edward was also told that he would need to stop masturbating for the next three days until he had given his sperm sample. That particular sample would be used, if there was any viable sperm, for the fertilisation of my eggs.

None of this was going to be a problem as he seemed to have no sexual drive at all. Though I could not blame him, I was not feeling particularly rambunctious recently either.

So today we were starting the next stage of IVF, the collection process. The two of us made our way back to the clinic, where I was growing tired of going, and sat patiently in the waiting room for us to be seen to.

"Miss Swan?" one of the nurses called.

Edward grabbed my hand and we followed her through the clinic where we were shown into one of the rooms. I was told to change into one of the gowns with nothing on my bottom half and to take a seat on the bed. I was then told to get comfortable and the procedure would begin.

"Right Bella, I'm going to give you a local anaesthetic in your vagina. You may feel some discomfort, but it shouldn't be painful. We'll use an ultrasound to guide us we insert a needle through the top of your vagina. This needle will extract the fluid in the follicles, taking the eggs as well," the doctor informed me.

I nodded, happy to know what was going to happen, despite it sounding awful. They at least explained it all to me, so I knew what to expect rather than going into this blind. I then sat back and waited for it to begin.

Like they said it was uncomfortable but not painful. The whole process took about half an hour, all the while Edward was holding my hand, occasionally kissing my knuckles. We could see the ultrasound screen so kept our eyes on that during most of procedure.

I found the whole procedure rather weird, especially knowing that this was the very start of how our baby was going to be conceived. Once it was done and I was cleaned up, the doctor turned to us to explain the next stage.

"Alright, the sample is going to be screened, to see if we have harvested any eggs. This might take a bit of time, but it's necessary. Anyway, you need to stay here and rest, then later we can talk about you going home. Edward, we need you to give a sperm sample right away. So, shall we go get that done?" He nodded and they both left as I lay back, closed my eyes and tried to relax.

Sometime later Edward came back in, looking just as tired as I felt. I had had a short nap but not long enough to fully satisfy the fatigue I felt. He leant over the bed and kissed me on the lips, his hand caressing my cheek.

"I love you, and I'm so thankful that you're doing this." I kissed him again and nodded.

"I love you too. Did everything go alright?" To be honest, I was worried about him performing. He seemed to be so wound up lately I would not have been surprised if he could not give a sample.

"Yeah, no bother. The doctor didn't want to disturb you, so I said I'd pass on the message, there were eggs in the fluid and now that they have my sperm sample, our eggs will be fertilised in about-" he looked at his watch, "eight hours."

"Eight hours and we might have the start of our baby?"

"Eight hours," Edward said, nodding. A small smile was playing on his lips, and it was the happiest I had seen him in ages.

I couldn't help but be filled with excitement too. Granted, I knew that they were not exactly implanted into me yet but fertilisation seemed the hard part, at least where Edward and I were concerned. Plus, with them fertilised, we were on our way to having a baby. It was like it was within grasping distance. We were one step closer to having our family.

"Can I go?" I asked, just wanting to leave and go sleep.

"I'm not sure yet. I'll go and find the nurse or doctor to check. I'll be right back." He kissed my forehead and headed out the door.

A few moments later the doctor came back in with Edward. Dr Chilton gave me a soft smile and motioned for Edward to sit down. Immediately my stomach dropped. It looked like he was going to give us bad news. I couldn't help but think he was going to say that the worst had happened, and that they were wrong, there were not any eggs or there were not any viable sperm in the sample Edward gave. It would mean we would have to go through it all again.

"Okay, well Bella I think you can go home now but in order for you to recover properly I suggest you refrain from intercourse for the next few days as it will be painful. After that it might feel okay, but it really depends on how fast your body heals. Just take it easy, that's all I would say." I nodded and knew that I had nothing to worry about.

Edward and I had no sex drive whatsoever. We would not have to worry about hindering my healing process as sex would not be happening any time soon. I had to get Edward to actually touch me for longer than a few seconds to make that happen.

"There is one thing I'd like to ask you both." Edward and I sat up a little straighter, curious as to what he was going to say. "There is a test called preimplantation genetic diagnosis. It screens your fertilised embryos before we implant them into your uterus. The test checks for genetic chromosome abnormalities that may lead to certain diseases or medical conditions once the baby is born. You need to make the decision, whether or not you would like to run this test or not."

"What would you recommend?" Edward asked, reaching for my hand.

"Well, from your family medical histories there is no reason to suggest that there would be any genetic abnormalities. However, we have this chance to be thorough and sure. If an embryo has a genetic chromosome abnormality then you can either decide to implant it as it is, fully aware of the complications that may arise, or you can have it destroyed."

"Destroyed?" I muttered, not liking the sound of that.

"Yes, destroyed." I turned to Edward to see him staring right back at me.

"Can you give us a minute?" He asked.

"Of course, I'll use this time to fill out your paperwork so you can go. I'll be at the front desk when you've made your decision." He gave us a nod and departed.

I let go of Edward's hand and slowly crawled out of bed. Edward handed me my clothing and helped me get dressed again. I was feeling a little woozy on my feet, which was to be expected. I was just exhausted from the procedure, nothing new.

"What are you thinking?" He asked, leaning against the bed.

"I'm not sure to be honest." And I wasn't. My brain was struggling to keep up with everything. The exhaustion was getting to me. We should have had this conversation before they harvested the eggs from me. I would have been able to concentrate then.

"I think we should do it, if only to be on the safe side. The doctor said it himself, there is no reason to suggest there would be any genetic abnormalities, so we have nothing to worry about."

"Then why do it?" I asked, moving across the room from him.

"Because if there is something wrong with one of the embryos we can take action." Take action, what an interesting choice of words. Taking action meant either destroying that embryo or implanting it and possibly having a baby with a disability or disease. Neither option was preferable.

Edward moved across the room to where I was. My back was to him and rather than turn me around, he wrapped his arms around my waist and leant his head onto my shoulder.

"I can tell you don't really like the sound of this, but I really do think it would be best. At least this way we wouldn't have to worry about something being wrong with our baby during the pregnancy." He spoke as though it was a sure thing the embryos would implant successfully.

"Okay," I muttered, seeing his side of it. It would calm our fears during the pregnancy, if there was going to be one this time around.

Edward gave me a little squeeze and kissed my cheek in thanks. Together we left the room and headed to the front desk where Dr Chilton was. Edward told him that we would go ahead with the Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis test.

"Alright then, I'll get that set up," Dr Chilton said, pleased. "You're due back in five days for the implantation process. But if anything comes up in the PGD then we'll contact you." We both nodded and singed some papers before leaving.

Five days. Five days until I would have the beginning of our baby inside of me. That thought alone brought a huge smile to my face. However, it was rather short lived. There was also the fear of what would happen if the embryos didn't implant themselves in my uterus. We would have to go through it again and that would be devastating. In all honesty, I do not think Edward and I would survive that.

Once we got to the car Edward drove us home. The first thing he did when we arrived was make a bed up for me in the living room. It was so I had the television to amuse me if I wished. When I was in the bed, he propped up the pillows behind me and moved the coffee table closer so I could reach it if need be. With me settled, he set about making lunch. I think he was trying to distract himself from what was going on. It seemed to be working so I wasn't going to fault him. Whatever kept his worries at bay was good enough for me. I know I would not be able to cope with Edward if he was freaking out. That wouldn't be doing anyone any favours.

Edward delivered my lunch on a tray and ate with me, the television on for background noise. Neither of us said anything, we just ate our food and pretended to watch whatever was on. It was as though the two of us were too nervous to voice what was officially happening now things were in motion. It wasn't that we regretted it, or I most certainly didn't, it was more the fear of what would happen if it failed.

After lunch Edward politely excused himself and headed off to his office. I knew he would eventually throw himself into his work. It was his way of coping with the stress. With him occupied, I settled down to have a nap, hoping to sleep my worries away.

When I awoke it was dark outside. I had literally slept the day away. Glancing around the room I noticed the television had been switched off and only a lamp was left on. The house was so silent I couldn't work out whether or not Edward was home. Getting up carefully I went to search for him but came up blank. His car was gone so I assumed he was out. It wasn't until I looked at the clock that I began to worry. It was just past midnight.

That shocked me as I couldn't believe I had been able to sleep so long without waking. Granted, the hospital appointment finished around mid-day, and I fell asleep at one o'clock but I should not have been able to sleep eleven hours uninterrupted. My body must have been more tired than I had originally thought.

I decided to wait up for Edward, to see how he was, so I made myself a sandwich in the meantime. After eating that in the kitchen, I returned to the living room and settled in the bed again, flicking on the television once more. I found a movie that was playing and kept it on that, if only to pass the time.

As each hour passed, I grew more and more anxious. The rational thing would have been to call him and find out where he was. But a part of me kept saying that it would probably be best to give him his space. After all, Edward was really struggling with the fact I had to go through everything. As long as he wasn't having second thoughts, I wouldn't panic. Or at least not yet anyway.

The sun came up just as I was falling asleep again, still no Edward. It wasn't until eight o'clock that evening did he return home. I had called him but his phone had been left in his office, and I even called all our friends but none of them had seen him. They were worried about his disappearance, and as I couldn't exactly tell them the truth I lied. I said that we had had a disagreement and Edward had stormed off, hoping he wouldn't mind.

When he finally did return though, I wasn't bothered about his feelings. I was hurt, he had cared so little about mine. He had up and left, no note or anything, while I was trying to recover properly from the collection procedure. What if I had needed him? What if something had gone wrong?

Edward froze in the hallway the second he spotted me. I was sitting in the kitchen, eating dinner alone, and had still been waiting for him. Taking in his appearance I saw he was haggard looking. His eyes were bloodshot and he had dark purple marks below them. I assumed he hadn't slept and had been crying. The fact that he had driven in that state worried me greatly and my anger lessened a little.

"Hi," he said, his voice sounding dry and croaked.

"Hi." I didn't know what to say. All day I had been planning things to say to him when I saw him again but right then, staring into his eyes, seeing the broken man he was, I couldn't think of any of them.

Edward walked over to me slowly and took a seat at the kitchen counter. He was still dressed in the clothes he wore to the clinic, but they were rumpled and creased.

When I made no effort to say anything he finally cleared his throat and spoke up. I was going to listen to him no matter what he had to say. I would not shut him down or yell at him, he was too fragile for that, and I couldn't understand why.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, swallowing loudly. "I…I think I need some help." That was music to my ears. I was desperate for him to get some help in dealing with this. It was the only way we would get through everything intact. "I keep everything bottled up and occasionally it just explodes. When I saw you sleeping earlier it all burst out, exploding from within me. I couldn't take it. I ran, hoping that it would go away, but it didn't, it came with me," he paused for a second and wiped his eyes. "Bella, I'm so scared if this doesn't work."

"Me too," I whispered, not wanting to startle him. Tears began to gather in my eyes but I didn't try and push them away. "But if it doesn't work, we can always try again." He nodded and rubbed his face.

"You forgive me, right?"

"For what?" I needed him to be specific. Knowing Edward, he wouldn't just mean for going missing for 24 hours.

"For being infertile." I reached out and took his hands.

"There is nothing to forgive. Don't worry. I don't blame you." He didn't seem appeased, but I really doubt he ever would be. "Now, I think in the morning we should start looking for someone to talk to about all this. It's too much for us both to handle and outside help would be good. Don't you think so?"

"I do. I see that now." Thank the lord for that.

"Good. Now come on, I'll make you some dinner."

When he wasn't in such a broken state we'd talk about why he ran from me. Although he explained it, I was still worried he may do it again. Although the man had his faults, I still loved him and would be devastated if he was to push me away. Hopefully, by getting some help the two of us would grow stronger as a couple and be able to cope with everything ahead of us. After all, in less than four days we would be back at the clinic for the implantation process.

It was all just a waiting game now.

* * *

Surprisingly, the following morning after Edward's return he had called a counsellor and set up some appointments. I had expected Edward to fight getting some help, but he seemed all for it and I couldn't be happier about that. I needed him to lose the guilt and grief, and focus on the journey ahead. It wasn't going to be an easy one, we both knew that.

The day before the implantation was due to take place Edward and I were a mess. We were like zombies, going through all the motions but not really feeling anything. The two of us were just numb from worry, excitement and fear. Rather than exhaust ourselves with those emotions, we shut ourselves down. It was the best way to handle it.

We tried to carry on like normal and succeeded a majority of the time. Neither of us were mentioning what was going to happen the following day as it would bring out the emotions we were trying so hard to block.

Edward had taken the day off from work, but I felt he shouldn't have. He was just making himself worse. By working he'd at least have something to concentrate on. By being home, all he could think about was what he didn't want to think about. It just made no sense to me. However, I wasn't going to fault him for this as I knew he was trying to be there for me.

It was just after noon when the phone rang, and at the time I didn't think anything of it. It wasn't until Edward walked into the room twenty minutes later that I knew something was wrong. His numb facial expression was gone and in its place was one of fear and pain.

Something bad had happened.

"What is it?" I asked immediately.

Edward looked straight at me, but it felt like he was looking right through me. Walking into the kitchen he pulled out a stool and took a seat. All the while I was panicking on the inside. I needed him to tell me what the hell was going on immediately.

"That was one of the doctors on the phone, from the clinic," he began, looking down at the kitchen counter. "They found something."

"Found something?" I repeated, the worry straining through in my voice.

"A genetic condition." Edward lifted his head and his eyes held pure sadness. The instant he said those words I understood why though.

A genetic condition. That meant our baby was sick, or would be. They could be severely handicapped or disabled. It wasn't even in my bloody uterus yet and already things were going wrong. Why? For the love of God, why?! What did we do to deserve this? What did our baby do to deserve this?!?

"What genetic condition?" I asked, my voice now sounding hollow.

"It's called…eh...Spinal Muscular Atrophy- Type One. I think it's also called Werdnig-Hoffman disease."

I had never heard of it. From the look on Edward's face, I was guessing he was wishing he'd never heard of it either.

"What does that mean for our baby?" I asked, needing to know the answer to that all important question.

"It means that he would be born with a severe illness and, medically speaking, should be dead by the time he is 2 years old. Apparently 95% of these babies don't live past 18 months." I crumbled instantly.

I crumbled into the worktop, clawing at the counter and trying to catch my breath. Edward watched on in concern but was struggling too. He was fighting to keep a hold of all his emotions while I was just letting mine out.

Then I caught on something he said and had to rewind in my brain.

"He? You said he?" Edward nodded solemnly.

"They can tell what sex the baby is going to be by this stage."

We had a son, in a Petri dish, who was going to grow up to be sick, and die before he was two. I couldn't help but imagine a beautiful baby with bronze hair and brown eyes, smiling a toothless grin at his two parents.

"What do we do?" I asked, feeling emotionally drained, the image of the baby not leaving my mind.

"The doctor gave us the option of either leaving the embryo to be implanted or to have it destroyed."

Destroy it. Destroy our son. Destroy the bronze haired baby with brown eyes who was smiling a toothless grin at us. No. No way. I couldn't destroy my baby. Granted, he may only be an embryo in a Petri dish, but he had so much potential.

_The potential to be sick and die at two._

No. I couldn't think like that. We would cherish him beyond belief. He would have an amazing life, even if it was short lived. He would know love like no other. Everybody deserved to experience love at some time in their life. And we would love him unconditionally.

Hell, if we had conceived normally then we wouldn't have a chance to destroy him. And I wouldn't. There was no way I was going to let Edward have him destroyed. He was my baby too and would be going into my body at the end of the day. If Edward wanted him destroy then we had a serious issue because I wasn't going to let that happen.

Would we reject him once he was born? Absolutely not. So will we reject him now? Absolutely not.

"A maximum of two embryos will be implanted tomorrow. We just need to decide whether or not we leave the embryo with the genetic condition in that mix. It may not get implanted tomorrow or it might. We won't know. But if we chose not to destroy it then we have to be prepared for that situation if it was to arise," Edward said stoically.

"What do you want to do Edward?" I asked, needing to know his thoughts on this matter.

"I can't destroy something that is a part of you and me, even if it is only seventy to a hundred cells in size." I relaxed instantly at his words and walked around the counter to him.

"I'm so relieved to hear that. I couldn't destroy this embryo, this baby. Our baby." Reaching out I hugged Edward and tucked my head into the crook of his neck. His arms came up and around me, giving me a soft squeeze.

"So we'll keep it and just be prepared?"

"Yes." I nodded against him and kissed his neck once.

"It may never be implanted, you know that though?"

"I'm aware. But still, I couldn't have it killed. We'd still love it."

"Of course we would. I better go call the clinic back." Edward untangled himself from me and left the room.

When Edward returned to the kitchen I kissed his cheek and thanked him for being understanding. There was still one question I hadn't asked and was dying to know the answer to.

"How did he get this genetic condition?" Edward pushed my hair behind my ear and held me close to him.

"We're both carriers of this condition. Any child we have has a one in four chance of having the same condition. It's all basic genetics. If we have a baby not affected by it then they're either a carrier or are lucky and it's not in their genes at all."

"So out of all the embryos why was only one affected?" From what Edward was telling me I felt that there should have been more.

"Well the embryos at the moment are currently in the blastocyst stage. It just generally means they've developed past 2 days. The majority of our embryos didn't develop to this stage unfortunately. So more could have been affected but we won't know as we can only do this test on them during the blastocyst stage."

"Does it make a difference, them being in this stage?"

"It's meant to be easier for the embryos to attach to the uterus ensuring a better success rate. The only down side is that some of the embryos don't develop to this stage. It just means if we need to go through this all again then we may need to do all the injections again."

I dreaded the thought of that. I was so happy to be shot of the injections. Going through that again would not be nice at all.

Somehow the two of us got through the rest of the day, but I don't know how we did. Rather than sleep I spent the night researching as much as I could on Spinal Muscular Atrophy- Type One, or rather Werdnig-Hoffman disease. I just had to learn about it. Plus, it wasn't like I was going to get any sleep if I had gone to bed.

Edward seemed to have done the same thing, stay up. This was made obvious by the heavy bags underneath his eyes. I didn't say anything of course, because I probably looked worse, and the two of us went on with our daily routine that morning like nothing was different.

By the time we got into the car my palms were sweating and my heart was racing. I could only imagine Edward was going through something very similar. There was silence, like always, on the way there but the second Edward took my hand when we walked into the clinic I knew we were okay. He was just mentally preparing himself as much as I was.

Together we entered the clinic, and I knew that no matter what happened, whether the IVF was a success or not, we'd stay together through it all. There was just no way this could beat us. I wouldn't let it. I wasn't going to lose that image of our little boy, toothless grin and all. We would make that happen no matter what.

* * *

A.N.

I just have to say a huge thank you to all of you for sticking with this. I am now back writing and this story is number one on my list. I have the next two chapters written and am in the middle of writing chapter twenty one. So hopefully updates will be roughly normal from now all. And major thanks to Lead69 for beta'ing this. Cheers for that!


	19. Chapter 19: Waiting

**Give Me A Little Trust**

**Chapter Nineteen: Waiting**

_Bella's POV_

The clinic, like usual, was busy. One thing you do not think about when going for IVF is the waiting. You have to wait for the first appointment. You have to wait for the injections to work. You have to wait for the eggs to be collected. You have to wait for the doctors to fertilise them. You have to wait to be called to have your embryos implanted. You have to wait to find out if you're pregnant. It was all so maddening.

Sitting in that waiting room was killer. We were literally minutes away from officially beginning our journey as parents. Once the embryos were inside of me then that was it, we had begun. But instead, we were waiting, waiting for our turn and each second felt like an hour going by.

Eventually, they called us and we wasted no time following the nurse through to the room. She told me to remove all my clothing below the waist and to get comfortable on the bed and cover myself with the sheet. They were then going to move me through into the surgical room for the procedure to start.

Of course once I had done that we were back to waiting again. The nurse returned shortly with a few others and they moved me through the clinic, with Edward at my side, before pushing the bed through the doors to the surgical room. Inside was my doctor and several other members of staff who I assumed were there to assist in the procedure if need be.

Once the bed was wheeled into place Edward came to stand by my side again. He took my hand and every so often he would kiss my knuckles. He was anxious, and I couldn't blame him. I was anxious too. Both of us knew not to say anything at that moment. There were no words needed. We just wanted to get started.

Dr. Chilton finished getting prepped and turned to us, smiling. There was no doubt about it, he could see all the emotions effecting us. I gathered he was being so friendly to try and help us relaxed, though really, I didn't think anything would relax me at that point.

"Edward, Bella, it's good to see you both. Are we ready to get started?" He didn't wait for our nods, just turned and introduced one of the other staff members who was present. "Okay. Bella, this is Dr. Hewitt and he's an embryologist. He's going to make sure we actually implant the embryos. Important job."

I gave a nervous smile at them both and nodded. The nerves were getting to me. I was ready to go, desperate to start, but also worried about what could go wrong. As if Edward knew my thoughts he gave my hand a little squeeze, reassuring me.

"Right, so this is what we're going to do. You'll put your feet in the stirrups," Dr. Chilton tapped the stirrups as he said this, "And then I'll use a vaginal speculum to expose your cervix. This'll be cleaned, then using an ultrasound scan as a guide, I'll guide a catheter and deposit your embryos into your uterine cavity. Dr. Hewitt will then check the catheter to make sure they're not still in there. If everything goes to plan, the embryos will start to implant in two or three days. How does that sound? Not too daunting?"

"No, it sounds fine," I replied.

"Will Bella experience any pain?" Edward asked, my hand receiving another squeeze.

"No there shouldn't be pain. At most there will be a slight discomfort. Everything will be fine. Now, let's begin."

I did as I was instructed and placed my feet into the stirrups. By this point along in the IVF treatment I really did not care about being modest. After all, how could I be? I'd had countless doctors and nurses staring, poking and prodding with their instruments, at my vagina since it all began. Putting my feet up in some stirrups was nothing by now.

Dr. Chilton then began the procedure. All the while Edward and I were either looking at each other or at the ultrasound screen once it was in use. Both men seemed happy with the location of the catheter and then the embryos were deposited inside of me. I could not really feel anything at all apart from the slight discomfort the vaginal speculum was causing. It was not bad though. Hell, I was ecstatic just to have begun the procedure.

Once the whole thing was over, I was wheeled back into my room where I was to remain for several hours before they would let me go home to get settled. From that point on, when we returned to the room, Edward and I were now in the two week wait.

Two weeks.

Two weeks until we found out if I was pregnant or not. Two weeks and we have our baby.

When we were finally left alone I broke out into a huge smile and pulled Edward to me, kissing him fiercely. He chuckled into my kiss but returned it as well as he could. We pulled away from each other still grinning like idiots.

It was a knock at the door that finally dissolved the smiles from our faces. We were both expecting the worst but thankfully the easy smile Dr. Chilton wore when he entered made us relax instantly.

"I wanted to give you both these. We took a photo of your embryos before the implantation. Enjoy." He handed an envelope to Edward and then left us alone.

Edward brought it over to the bed and we opened it together, taking out the photo. I knew it wasn't going to be much to look at, after all the embryos were only about one hundred cells big but still, I couldn't help but smile at the sight of them. Those cells were a part of Edward and a part of me. They were us, our baby.

We had had two embryos implanted into my uterine cavity. Multiple births were likely, due to how long we had waited to have them implanted. Therefore, it was safer to only implant two. One baby would be a miracle; two would be a gift from God. Either way we would be happy.

Although I was worried about the possibility of our baby developing the genetic condition that both Edward and I were carriers of, I was not giving it too much thought. A baby was a baby no matter what and we would always love our child.

For the following five hours, I remained in bed while Edward sat next to me. He looked so much happier. The familiar glow that he once held was back, and I was overjoyed to see it. I loved him beyond belief and would do whatever it took to make him happy.

We spoke about everything and anything during those five hours. He was opening up to me more and explaining many of the problems and insecurities he had. I was doing my best to reassure him, and it felt like we had made some real progress. I just hoped that if the IVF failed then we would not go backwards, or that he would retreat back into his shell again.

Dr. Chilton returned, again all smiles, and began to explain the next part of the process. It was all up to my body, we could do no more than what we were already doing. I was to keep taking the tablets I had been on to help things along but of course there was no sure guarantee.

"The next two weeks are going to be awful for you, I'm sorry to say. It's a waiting game. You both just need to wait and see if everything is successful. Of course, we do have some suggestions for what to do and what not to do in that time."

"Bella, our advice is to take it easy for at least the next two weeks. Avoid strenuous exercise entirely, this includes any heavy lifting or carrying. If you have any spot bleeding, which can occur, do not use tampons. Swimming is out and steer clear of saunas, hot tubs or Jacuzzis. Try and avoid any exposure to solvents containing lead. Avoid products containing raw eggs, so no mayonnaise or ice cream. Non-pasteurized milk, soft and blue cheeses are out and raw shellfish is a definite no no. Do not drink alcohol excessively. Ensure your food is cooked correctly and stay hydrated. Eat a healthy diet, plenty of fresh fruit and vegetables. Just stay as healthy as possible and keep clear of anyone who has flu-like symptoms. And to top off the list of 'don'ts', we also advise that you refrain fom intercourse for the next two weeks.

Now if you're not sure whether or not you should do something, just ask yourself this, _'if I don't get pregnant, will I regret or blame it on this?'_ Because I can assure you, if you're having those doubts you probably shouldn't be doing it." Dr. Chilton finished with a smile and shrugged. "I have no concerns that you two will manage fine over the next two weeks, so don't worry."

Internally, I thanked Dr. Chilton for not saying we'd be successful first time or something to that effect. I just knew not to get my hopes up. We still had two weeks.

"So how do we know exactly when to take a pregnancy test?" Edward asked, frowning a little.

"Well, if you haven't commenced your menstrual cycle in fourteen days you can take a home pregnancy test. But we ask you to remember they can give false results, the best way of confirming pregnancy is by a blood test. On the sixteenth day you come back here and we'll take a blood sample and check the hormone levels in that. Then we can officially tell you whether or not it was successful. Even if you have your menstrual cycle, we still need you to come in for that appointment to run the blood test anyway.. Alright?"

"Yeah, I think so. Are we free to go now?"

"Indeed. Just remember my advice and I'll see you both in sixteen days." With a final farewell we bid Dr. Chilton goodbye and got ready to leave.

Understandably, Edward didn't want me doing anything when we got home. I was almost certain that he was going to carry me rather than let me walk. Making the decision for myself, I entered the house without bother. When inside though Edward told me that he didn't want me doing anything whatsoever.

"You need to rest."

"Edward I can do some things," I said, not wanting to be stuck in bed entirely.

"Please Bella, just trust me here. Let me take care of you."

"You need to go to work tomorrow, then what do I do?" I asked, heading on up the stairs to our bedroom.

"I'll work something out. Now please love, let's not take any more risks than we have to." I could not say no to him as I was petrified it wouldn't work, and that we would be without child by the end of the two weeks.

"Okay, I'll stay in bed." He smiled and nodded, pleased with my decision.

"Thank you, now please, go lie down. I don't want you on your feet any longer than absolutely necessary." Rolling my eyes I crawled onto our bed and striped off my jeans. Edward handed me a pair of pyjama bottoms to put on before I scrambled under the covers to rest.

It wasn't until my head hit the pillow that I realised how exhausted I was. Taking one final look at Edward I shot him a sleepy smile. We were going to be parents. It may not happen from this IVF cycle but at some point we were going to be parents and I couldn't wait.

I awoke to Edward bringing me some food. It was mid evening yet I still felt tired. It was most likely the emotional exhaustion tiring me out rather than the physical. Either way, I knew that once I had eaten, I would need to go back to sleep.

Just like the doctor had suggested, Edward gave me lots of fresh fruit and vegetables, with the beef having been cooked perfectly. He was not taking a single chance with me, with our baby, and I couldn't help but love him even more for that.

Edward was going to be an amazing father. He had so much love and care to give that I just knew he would dote on his children constantly. Desperately I wanted to be the one to give him that, give him the one thing he desired so much. Silently praying to God, I hoped that at least one of the two embryos would implant, and that we would get our baby. Having it so close made me hopeful.

After dinner, like I predicted, I was ready to fall asleep again. What made things even better was when Edward climbed into bed with me. He had locked up the house and was finally joining me in our bed once again. That made me so happy, and I felt like the day couldn't get any better.

Right before he turned off the lights, he pulled the covers down and pushed my top up to reveal my abdomen. I watched as he lowered his head, so he was eye level with my front and listened carefully as he began to speak.

"Now I know you two have yet to implant yourselves onto mummy yet but daddy just wanted to give you a little message. You may only be one hundred cells big, but we love you with all our hearts. Mummy and I will be waiting here for you so in nine months time you can grace us with your presence. We look forward to meeting you, and remember that we love you, no matter what." He kissed my stomach and nuzzled it with his nose.

Lifting his head when I ran my fingers through his hair, he raised his eyebrows.

"Was that silly of me?"

"No, no Edward. Not silly at all." My voice cracked slightly from all the emotions. Crawling his way back up to me Edward kissed my forehead and covered my body once more with the covers.

"I just want this baby so much," he admitted, holding me close to him.

"Me too, me too."

"It'll happen for us, right?"

"Yes. It'll happen for us. We'll get our baby Edward, I promise." Kissing my forehead again Edward nodded.

"I love you Bella, you've given me more than I could have ever hoped for. I intend to spend the rest of my life making you as happy as you've made me." Whispering my love for him, I closed my eyes in contentment.

We were finally getting there. We were on the way to being parents. Granted, it wasn't from natural conception, and it hadn't been easy but it was worth it. Our baby was worth it.

The following morning I almost forgot I wasn't meant to be doing anything. Thankfully, Edward had allowed me to shower. Although he was awfully paranoid I couldn't blame him because even I was worrying about simplest things.

Once I was dried and dressed Edward put me back in bed. He brought me my breakfast and set up the television, so I could watch whatever I wanted, in the hope that would keep me entertained. And it did for most part of the morning. I kept myself amused by watching several movies while Edward sat in one of the armchairs working away.

He was going to have to go back to the office eventually, I knew that much. But for now he seemed determined to stay with me as much as possible. All of his actions told me that Edward would always put his family before his work and that was something that wouldn't change. Our baby was going to be very lucky to have him as a father. And we were going to be very lucky to have our baby.

Around one o'clock that afternoon the doorbell rang and I immediately panicked, thinking it was Alice looking for Edward or something. However, it most definitely wasn't Alice. When the person spoke, I instantly recognised the voice but couldn't place who it was. And as the bedroom door was shut, I couldn't work out what was being said.

Edward spent half an hour with the familiar but mysterious guest before showing them out. I heard their car drive away and then Edward's footsteps on the stairs. He opened the door softly, peeking in to see if I was asleep or not. When he saw I wasn't he smiled brightly at me and came to join me on the bed.

"Who was at the door?" I asked, not able to hold back my curiosity.

"Lauren," Edward replied nonchalantly.

"Lauren? As in, Lauren your ex-wife?" I questioned, my voice taking on a rather hysterical tone that I seemed to have no control over.

"Yeah, that Lauren."

"Oh," I replied, not sure what to say. A million questions were running through my mind, and I had no idea where to start.

"Bella?"

"Hmm?" I mumbled back, frowning at the bed sheets.

"Bella, will you look at me please?" I turned to him to listen to what he was going to say. The questions had gone and had been replaced with all different scenarios, mainly involving Edward leaving me for Lauren, who was carrying his baby. It was all so ridiculous but yet my mind thought it was very plausible.

"Bella, Lauren came by because she found out who told the papers about my infertility." His words cleared my mind instantly.

"What?" Edward chuckled at my reaction and shook his head.

"I knew you were going to think the worst," he mumbled, rolling his eyes. "Lauren found out who told the papers about how I was infertile and she wanted to tell me who it was."

"Who was it?" I needed to know as I could remember so well when Edward thought I was the one who had betrayed his trust.

"You weren't the only one who had overheard Lauren and I arguing in the dining room that night. Lauren's closest friend Jessica also heard." Edward shrugged and sighed. "Jessica only told Lauren yesterday about it. She let it slip when they were speaking about old times. I am sorry, you know? For thinking it was you?"

"I know Edward," I replied gently, snuggling close to him.

He had hurt me then with his accusations but I could understand his way of thinking. And knowing Edward like I did I knew he was still beating himself up over that. If he could take it back I knew he would.

Now wasn't the time to dwell on the past though, now was the time to look to the future. I was thankful that Lauren had cleared up that past issue but from then on I wanted to focus on the present and the future. After all, we had some exciting things to come if all went to plan.

For the rest of the afternoon we had curled up on the bed and watched movies, talking throughout most of them. I had expected us to be a little bit more anxious, but then again, it was only day one of fourteen. There was no doubt about it, by day ten we would be anxious as hell.

Thinking that there were not going to be any more visitors that day I was surprised when I heard the front door opening and someone come in. Edward kissed my cheek and headed downstairs to see who it was. Two sets of footsteps on the stairs told me that whoever had come in was coming straight to see me. I knew it wasn't Alice or one of our friends as their voice was unfamiliar. But when they walked into the room their face was not.

I smiled at the woman before me, recognising her from the first night I met Edward. She was a gorgeous woman, age having not marred her appearance. The little she had aged was graceful and only added to how striking she was. I could hardly believe that she was actually Edward and Alice's mother. She certainly didn't look old enough to have two fully grown children.

"Bella, I want you to meet my mother, Esme," Edward said, introducing the two of us for the first time.

"It's an honour to meet you Bella," Esme greeted, walking further into the bedroom. "Edward has invited me to come and stay with you for the next week. Carlisle is away on business and I was going to be alone. I hope you don't mind?"

"Oh no, not at all. It'll be great having you here." I smiled reassuringly and shot Edward a curious look. I knew his father was away on business but something told me his mother wasn't just staying with us to combat loneliness.

Edward smirked and raised his eyebrows at me, basically challenging me to refuse him this. Esme was going to be here to take care of me when he went back to work, she just didn't know it yet. As I didn't want to risk the IVF not working I nodded and smiled at him, reassuring him that I was okay with this. He shot me a grateful smile before turning to his mother who seemed to have missed the entire exchange.

"Actually mum, there is another reason I've invited you to stay," Edward began, sitting on the bed and motioning for her to sit in one of the armchairs present in the room. "I told you that Bella had the flu and was resting, hence why she was in the bed. That was a lie."

"Why would you lie Edward?" she asked, frowning at him before turning her soft gaze onto me. "You're not seriously ill, are you sweetie?"

"No, I'm not seriously ill. This is nothing life threatening." Edward gave me a soft smile and turned back to his mother.

"Bella and I have started IVF treatment. Yesterday the embryos were implanted, which means in two weeks we'll find out if we're going to have a baby or not."

I was expecting many reactions from Esme, but what I was not expecting was for her to start crying silent tears and give me the most grateful smile I'd ever seen. Getting up she crossed the room and sat on the bed next to me, opening her arms for a hug. I moved softly into her arms, feeling accepted, and no longer worried about her being completely horrified that her son was trying to have a baby out of wedlock.

"So you're not mad Mum?" Esme turned to Edward and shook her head.

"No, not mad at all. You've wanted a baby for so long. I hope it works out. And from everything Alice has told me about Bella, I know you two are going to be perfect parents for when you do get your little one."

Edward beamed at his mother and visibly relaxed. He had to have been nervous telling her that, especially seeing as we had already gone ahead with the whole process. He couldn't exactly have backed out of it if she had wished him to. Thankfully, Esme wasn't like that though and watching her return the smile her son gave her, I knew she wouldn't have an issue with anything as long as her children were happy.

Esme ended up nestling up next to me on the bed and Edward took a seat in the armchair. We told her all about our relationship and our decision to try for a baby. Esme didn't even bat an eyelid when we explained how long we had been together. Alice probably told her but with the news we were trying for a baby it still didn't seem to faze her, and for that I was glad.

We then went on to ask her to keep the whole thing a secret. There was already so much pressure, which we were putting on ourselves to succeed, that we didn't need any more of it. Esme understood completely and agreed to keep it a secret from the rest of the family. Though we did agree to let her tell Carlisle when he returned as it didn't seem fair for her to keep that from her husband.

"Do you know when you'll tell your parents, Bella?" Esme asked, holding my hand.

"Oh…well no. I've not really given it much thought." Even considering it made me cringe. Of course Edward thought I was in pain or something. Esme seemed to know what the problem was though.

"They won't be happy, will they?"

"No, I don't think they will." Edward's gaze softened on me and he frowned.

"Why?"

"They both think that you need to be at least thirty five to have a baby. So by their standards, I'm far too young. They'll think this is just a silly impulse or phase that will pass in time, not something serious. I just think it best if they don't know for now."

"I'm sorry Bella," Esme began, saying the words her son's eyes were projecting. "I will be with you throughout this all. If you ever need to talk just let me know. I'm here for you, you're family now." All my emotions were getting the better of me and I had to fight back the tears.

"Thank you Esme, thank you so much."

"No need to thank me Bella. You're a Cullen now."

Her acceptance meant more to me than she would ever know. It was a huge deal to me. I knew my parents wouldn't be pleased with the news of a possible grandchild so knowing that at least my baby would have one set of grandparents I was relieved. I wanted my baby to grow up knowing who its family was and having the love and support that came with it. The Cullens clearly were going to do that.

I grew tired as the evening wore on. It seemed as though doing nothing was particularly exhausting. Edward wouldn't let me sleep until I had eaten though, which I could understand. While I munched on my food Edward informed his mother of all the different rules I had been given for what to do and not do in the two weeks.

Esme seemed to share her sons concern that if I did anything other than the absolute minimal then our chances of success decreased. In reality, there was no evidence proving that constant bed rest after implantation increased your chances of getting pregnant. However, it wasn't an issue I was going to fight as I was willing to do anything still to get pregnant. Hell, we had come this far, no point falling at the last hurdle.

By the time I was ready to sleep Esme and Edward had come up with a foolproof plan to make sure I was hardly on me feet. Their level of care and love was overwhelming. This was the type of family that deserved a baby. Edward was the type of man that deserved to be a father. And right then I considered myself the luckiest woman in the world. Being a member of their family was a privilege, and I was honoured to be a part of it.

* * *

A.N.

Major thanks to Lead69 for beta reading this so quickly and for fixing all my silly mistakes. Without her this would be dreadful, trust me. See you all next chapter!


	20. Chapter 20: The Two Week Wait

**Give Me A Little Trust**

**Chapter Twenty: The Two Week Wait**

_Bella's POV_

Esme's presence in our house turned out to be a godsend. She ensured that I had no reason to be on my feet whatsoever, which Edward was very pleased about. I was also happy as I didn't want to take any risks. This baby meant the world to me, and I was willing to do whatever I could to ensure the IVF was a success, even if that meant remaining in bed for majority of the day.

In the mornings, Edward insisted that we shower together. He would wash me thoroughly. It was entirely innocent as sex was still prohibited. The irony of the situation wasn't lost on me. For the times we should have been having sex, we couldn't and now that we couldn't have sex when we wanted to.

Once showered, Esme would bring me breakfast and when Edward went off to work the two of us would settle into the bedroom. We would spend most of the day talking and discussing everything that had been going on.

Esme ensured that I wouldn't be doing any strenuous exercise to jeopardise the embryos and, as usual, I followed the daily routine of taking all the medicine I needed to. In the evening, Edward would come and work in the bedroom, spending time with me, and then at night he would sleep next to me, holding me in his arms.

Just before he settled down for sleep that night, he pushed the covers away from my flat stomach like the night before, and moved his head down so he was eyelevel with it again. Running my fingers through his hair, I watched as he kissed my skin and caressed my stomach.

"Hey guys, it's daddy again. How are you doing today? Please tell me the two of you are getting closer to implanting yourselves. Your mummy and I are desperate for you to implant yourselves. We still can't wait to see you. We need you here, we love you and we hope to see you in nine months time." He kissed my stomach again and then crawled up and kissed me.

"I know it's premature to get excited but I am. I'm excited," he whispered, kissing me once more. I couldn't help but return his cheeky grin with one of my own.

"I'm excited too."

"We're going to be parents," he murmured, looking dazed. "I just pray that this is successful."

"Me too," I muttered. "But we'll get there, I promise."

Edward smiled lazily at me and rolled over, his arm lying over my waist. I snuggled into his touch and said another silent prayer, begging God that the IVF was successful.

It was two weeks. Two weeks of waiting. We could manage.

After the first week things were getting stressful. We knew at this point that the embryos had implanted if they were to and now we just had to wait until we could take a pregnancy test. I was desperate to take one early and hope that it was positive but knew there was no point setting myself up for that fall.

Carlisle came back from his business trip and Esme returned back to her house. However, she still spent all her time with me during the day. As I knew my parents wouldn't be particularly happy with me having a baby, I was so happy to have Esme and Carlisle's support. They really were wonderful.

During the time Esme and I spent together, she asked me about my business, which I had put on hold after the fire at my house. She then encouraged me to start the business up again, but run it remotely. We went through everything from locations to staff in the span of three days and by the end of it I had my business back. Esme was going to oversee everything and make sure it was all going correctly while I was in bed. I couldn't thank her enough for that.

It finally felt like things were falling into place. Edward and I were back to being happy in love and starting our family, I had been welcomed into a great support group of our family and friends, and my business was coming together once again. It felt great.

On the tenth day after implantation, four days before we could take a pregnancy test, Alice invited us round again to her house. Edward wanted to cancel and keep me at home but I wasn't having any of it. By saying no we would just cause suspicion, because Alice knew that we had no plans that evening.

Esme said that I should give it a go, get out the house and enjoy life again. I was definitely looking forward to that. It wasn't that I hated staying in bed, it's just I wouldn't do it unless it was necessary. And in this situation it was. But by now I was sure it wouldn't be too bad for me to go to Alice's for dinner. After all, it's not like she has us running a marathon when we get there.

With Edward being calmed into submission the two of us got ready to go see our friends. I was hoping that this evening was going to go better than the last one, where I collapsed due to the IVF treatment.

"Bella, you know we don't have to go," Edward said, coming to stand behind me. His arms snaked around my waist and his hands rubbed my stomach. I was looking straight at him in the reflection of the full length mirror where I was standing in front of. "We can stay here, make a night of it."

I rolled my eyes as he attempted to dazzle me.

"We're going. I want to see our friends." He began to frown, but it ceased when I placed my hands over his. "Don't you think the embryos should get to meet our friends and their Aunt?"

He smirked at me and shrugged.

"Just promise me that if it becomes too much, you'll tell me."

I nodded and leant back into his hold. "Of course I will. I want these babies as much as you do. If I start to feel different in any way we'll come right home."

"Thank you," he whispered, kissing my head.

Stepping away from Edward's embrace, I surveyed myself one last time in the mirror. Edward looked smart but casual in his shirt and slacks so to keep in tone with him I decided to wear a simple black skirt, white blouse and matched it up, with Esme's help, with tasteful jewellery that wasn't too much and a decent pair of heels. I was making an effort for Alice as she had kindly asked us to dress rather smart.

Happy with my appearance, I gazed in the mirror and looked at Edward. He was putting on his watch, oblivious to me watching him. Looking down at my stomach, I couldn't help but hold back a squeal. He was perfect and just the right man to have children with. Just thinking that I could be pregnant at that exact moment made me giddy.

Together we left the house, with me hiding my excitement. Four days was barely anything, though I knew from waiting the last ten it was going to feel like forever. But that didn't matter; we were so close to being pregnant.

When Edward parked the car outside of Alice's house, I knew that I was going to have to conceal my joy unless I wanted them to ask questions. Despite telling Esme and Carlisle we were not ready to tell our friends about the IVF process and our need to have a baby. It wasn't that we didn't trust them, we just didn't want to burden them with the issues we were going to face along the way, especially if it wasn't successful.

Rather than ring the doorbell, Edward just let us on in and we followed the laughter through the house to find everyone in the living room at the back. Alice jumped up upon seeing us and launched herself at me. Edward must have been expecting something like that as he intercepted her, taking the force of her body hitting against him hard. If she had hit me like that it could have been bad.

"Gosh Alice, calm it down a bit, let us get settled before you tackle us," Edward said, chuckling as he hugged his sister. I could tell however that he was worried about me being hugged that way. He was trying to protect the embryos. It may have sounded stupid but we had no idea what could be bad for them therefore weren't going to take any chances. For all we knew, a simple knock could lower the success rate. We just weren't going to take the risk.

"That hug was meant for Bella, I see you nearly every day at the office," Alice began, hugging her brother regardless.

Once freeing herself of him I walked closer to her, so she didn't have the opportunity to 'tackle' me as Edward had put it.

"It's so good to see you," she murmured, pulling back from the hug. "We've missed you. Where have you been?"

"I've had the flu and have been resting," I lied as I took a seat next to Jasper. He gave me a one armed hug and kissed my cheek.

"Looking good darling, can hardly tell you've been ill," he said, ruffling my hair.

"Edward and Esme have been taking great care of me," I replied, smiling affectionately at Edward. He smiled back, his gaze slowly travelling down to my stomach. His smile increased and he gave me that little smirk I loved so much. His eyes were practically alight from excitement.

There was only four days to go until we could take a pregnancy test. And I was so excited, just like him.

"Alright, well now that everyone is here, can we eat?" Emmett asked, raising his eyebrows in question. Rose rolled her eyes but smirked, taking Emmett's hand.

"Absolutely. Oh, and this time, Jasper and I didn't burn dinner, you'll all be happy to hear."

We all chuckled and stood up, following Alice to the perfectly set out dining table.

Edward pulled out my chair for me and let me slip on in, tucking it in as a sat down. I sent him a thankful smile and turned to see Emmett and Jasper doing the same for Rose and Alice. My friends would never have done that before. Edward's good manners were rubbing off on them.

Before Jasper took a seat he fetched the starter and served us. Alice was going to get back up and help but he kissed her cheek to silence her, shaking his head as he pulled away. She was putty in his hands and practically melted into the chair. I was sure Jasper could have asked her anything at that point and she would have said _yes_.

Chancing a look at Edward, I expected to see a glare directed at Jasper but he was just smiling lightly down at his napkin. I could tell he was happy for his sister. He had admitted that he hated Alice dating, but he said if anyone was good enough to deserve her, it was Jasper. That made me so proud of him. He wasn't going to be the overbearing brother but rather accept that she was happy and let her enjoy her relationship without any interference from him.

Starter was served and we all tucked in. Alice and Jasper had outdone themselves. It seemed as they spoke about what we would be getting for the remainder of the meal. The pudding they spoke of sounded delicious, and I was so tempted to ask them to serve that before our main course.

During our main course, which was as delicious as it sounded, Emmett cleared his throat and captured everyone's attention. He reached over and took Rose's hand, which was sitting opposite him, and then turned back to us, smiling brightly.

"I just wanted to say that I am happy to declare that Rosie and I are now dating. I know, I know, it's been a long time coming but as our friends I wanted to announce it," Emmett said, grinning. "So that means lots of walking in on inappropriate moments and shameless displays of affection. Just get used to it!" he declared. We laughed and shook our heads at him, happy for them.

That seemed to be the common theme of the evening: happiness. We were all so happy and I loved it. Alice and Jasper were so in love it was unreal and the happiness shone from them when they were together. Emmett and Rose looked full of excitement for the new relationship ahead. And Edward, well, Edward was practically beaming. He was so pleased about the IVF and how things were going between us that I was overwhelmed with how much I loved him.

Feeling a little emotional, I coughed quietly and placed my napkin down next to my plate. Alice turned to see if I was okay as I placed my hand at the bottom of my neck.

"Do you might if I just excuse myself for a moment?" I asked, gaining Edward's attention.

"Are you okay?" he asked, worry and concern deep within his eyes.

"I'm fine; just want to nip to the bathroom. If that's okay?" I finished, turning back to Alice.

"Of course it is, on you go."

Nodding my thanks, I left the table.

Her bathroom was perfectly in tune with the rest of the house, which didn't surprise me. After all, it was Alice. I doubted that she had a single belonging that didn't match her home.

I shut and locked the door behind me before walking over to the toilet. I figured while I was in the bathroom composing myself I may aswell relieve my rather full bladder. I pulled my skirt up and hooked my fingers in the band of my underwear then pulled them down, taking a seat on the toilet while doing so. All at once I froze.

Red on white. That's all I could see. Red on white.

I couldn't breathe, I could barely see and what little I could was focused on the harsh red against the innocent white. Red staining white. Blood staining cotton. My period staining my underwear.

We had failed.

_I_ had failed.

Heavy sobs rocked my body as I struggled to contain the tears. The familiar sensation of saliva filling my mouth told me I was going to vomit. Without evening thinking I stood up and emptied my stomach contents into the toilet bowl. I couldn't stop dry heaving after my stomach was empty. It was just too much. I couldn't cope with the emotional pain and I was handling it the only way I knew how; by breaking down.

Knocking at the door, I could hear Edward frantically asking if I was alright. Alice's concerned voice was also coming through. There was no way I was going to explain the situation to her, not when I was in such a mess.

"Edward, I just want to see Edward," I croaked out, my throat sore from the dry heaving.

"Okay, Bella, but I'm here if you need me," Alice said.

"She's gone, Bella, now please, I beg of you, unlock the door."

I stood up and unlocked the door for him then walked away from it.

I was too despondent to care about modesty and just sat on the toilet, underwear down by my ankles. Edward opened the door after and second and locked it behind him before turning to me.

"What is it? What's wro-" he cut off abruptly, eyes down on the floor, on the blood of our failure, _my_ failure. "Oh God," he whispered, running a hand through his hair, tears forming in his eyes.

My sobs continued as I buried my head in my arms. I was ashamed and didn't want him looking at me. I had failed us. My body was meant to get pregnant. There shouldn't have been any blood. There shouldn't have been anything. I should have peed and then joined everyone back at the table, not shattered to pieces.

Edward was rubbing his eyes and looking lost when I glanced up at him. He was just as broken as me, if not more so. We had so much hope and it was all gone. The dry heaving began again and Edward looked alarmed. He rushed to me and knelt down on his knees, so he was eye level with me. His hands caressed my head and cheeks as he tried to get me to calm down.

"It's okay, it's okay, it's okay," he kept repeating, trying to convince himself rather than me.

"How is it okay? I failed," I cried, looking into his dejected eyes that were filled with nothing but sadness.

"No, no you didn't. The doctor said we should wait it out and be sure. You could be pregnant. We shouldn't worry." Although he was trying so hard to make me believe him it was obvious he didn't buy a word of it either.

We both knew in that moment that the IVF had failed. The harshness of the blood seemed fitting. We were both wounded and bleeding, down and out. It was only fair one of us had the blood to prove it.

Wiping the tears off my face Edward kissed my forehead and then down to my cheeks.

"Let's go home, okay?"

I nodded and tried to get some form of composure. In the car and at home I could break down and really fall apart. Right now, I had to get out of Alice's house.

"I'll go and tell them you're sick and we'll leave. Give me a moment." He kissed my cheek once last time and left the bathroom.

I could hear him talking to the group as I pulled my underwear back up and flushed the toilet. I took some toilet paper and with some water I wiped down the seat from any other bits of vomit that were there. I couldn't leave Alice's bathroom in a mess, no matter how much of a mess I was.

Edward gently knocked at the door again and poked his head round. He helped me put my coat on and we walked hand in hand through the house. I gave a teary goodbye to everyone, saying that the tears were from being sick and nothing to worry about. It was the flu, which was all.

The car ride home was silent, both of us consumed in our thoughts. We entered the house in silence, the severity of the situation kicking in. We got changed and ready for bed in silence, feeling hopeless. And that night, Edward didn't speak to my stomach. His silence was enough. There was no baby. There was no one there to talk to.

I cried, and cried and wept and sobbed until I couldn't think straight. Edward held me, his tears mixing in with mine, as we cried ourselves to sleep. We were physically together but that night we were so far apart emotionally.

Edward was crying for the loss of a baby, cementing his believe that he was not destined to be a father. And I was crying for the baby I never had as my body let me down. I was crying for my failure. The only trouble we should have had was with Edward, my body was meant to be fine. There was no reason for me not to be pregnant.

The following day was numb. I barely left the bed. I just couldn't face the day. The tears wouldn't stop and when they did it was due to pure exhausted and I had cried myself to sleep. I was a mess. I was worse than a mess as a mess could be cleaned up. I couldn't. I was broken, beaten, shattered, burnt, destroyed, smothered, and lost.

Edward on the other hand seemed to be living in a zombie state. The lights were on but no one was home. That morning he had gotten up, showered and headed off to work, all without saying a word. I suspected he was blocking the pain out, which would just be worse in the long run, but there was nothing I could do. There were no words I could say to soothe him as there were no words to soothe me.

Just like usual, Esme came over. She obviously was completely unaware of the development, or lack of, in the IVF treatment as she came in the bedroom smiling widely as always. Taking one look at me though she knew. She knew we had failed. She knew I had failed.

Together we cried, weeping the child and grandchild we would not see in nine months time.

Esme held me like a mother held her child, soothed me like a mother soothed her child and loved me like a mother loved her child. She held me safe in her arms and let me fall apart, only to try and build me back up again. I wondered if I would ever do that. Would I ever get to hold my child? Would I ever get to soothe my child? Would I ever get to love my child? The cramps of my period told me that no, I wouldn't get to do any of those things, at least not in the next nine months like we had hoped.

Even though I wanted to wallow in a pit of misery and never leave the bedroom Esme wasn't having it. She dragged me downstairs and fed me up good, insisting that I still needed to eat. As much as I didn't want to and despite feeling sick I just couldn't say no to her. She had been amazing and I wasn't going to shun any of her love and support.

So we ate, I slept, and then Edward came home early from work. He saw his mother in the living room with me and just broke down in the hall, falling to his knees, and running his hand through his hair. Before I could move Esme was up off the couch and cradling Edward to herself.

"We were so close," he mumbled into her hug, clutching at her like she was his lifeline.

Seeing him so broken, because of me, was heartbreaking. We should have been counting down another day until we could take a pregnancy test today, not weeping over the embryos that failed to implant. Weeping over the babies we failed to make. The babies I failed to make.

"You can always try again," Esme said, gently caressing Edward's head and clutching her eyes shut tightly. She was fighting the emotions back as well.

This was why we couldn't tell our friends.

Looking at the pain Esme was in over the IVF having failed was too much. I could not cope with having to put Jasper, Emmett, Rose and Alice through that too. No, I wouldn't do that to them. They should be spared from the pain. Enough of us were already hurting. And my God were we hurting.

Edward pulled away from his mother's embrace and slowly made his way over to me, still on his knees. He moved round the couch until he was directly in front of me, eyes red and puffy from the tears, hair a mess from Esme's gently soothing, and a broken heart from me not being pregnant.

"I'm so sorry," he whimpered, lifting his hands up to caress my face. "I'm so sorry for putting you through this." I took a deep breath and shook my head, smiling sadly through the tears.

"I want this too Edward, don't forget that. And we'll do it again and again until we get our baby."

"You promise?" he whispered, silent tears falling down his cheeks.

"I promise. We'll be parents. We'll bring our baby home to this house together," I whispered back, letting my tears fall too.

Edward leant his forehead against my own and kissed my wet cheeks. Then he knelt back and lowered his head into my lap, his eyes directly across from my stomach. "Next time, next time you'll be successful. Your mummy and daddy won't give up." He kissed my stomach over my top and nuzzled into it, sobs wracking his body.

Esme left us soon after, bidding us goodbye and saying how much she loved us. Then we settled down onto the couch, in silence, holding one another. Edward caressed my hair as I snuggled into his chest and listened to his heartbeat. As the night grew darker we remained on the couch, not getting up to turn the lights on and relying on the one in the hall to light up the room enough for us.

The steady thump of his heart calmed me down considerably and although I was in an unreal amount of emotional pain I could finally process my thoughts. It wasn't nice at all. I kept getting images of the beautiful bronze haired boy with brown eyes and that toothless grin and it killed me.

Silence filled the following days. There was nothing to be said. We both were grieving the babies we never had in the first place. To make matters worse, on the fourteenth day I decided to take a pregnancy test just to be sure. Well, actually I took three to be one hundred percent sure. I knew they were going to be negative but still, it hurt reading the big fat negative signs glaring back at me from the tests.

My wounds had been reopened with that and I felt the familiar pain from when I was in Alice's bathroom and had seen the blood of my period. I knew I shouldn't have taken them but I just had to be sure. I had to know for a fact that I wasn't pregnant.

Although I could have waited two more days for the proper blood test to come back, I didn't want to. I had to know on the fourteenth day. If I had been pregnant the tests would have picked up on it. This just meant I wasn't going to be hugely disappointed when the blood work came back and told me I wasn't pregnant, or so I had hoped.

That wasn't the case though. On the sixteenth day after implantation Edward and I went back to the clinic, looking almost as miserable as we felt. We held hands and comforted one another but the dark cloud of grief was still looming over us, blocking out all thoughts of happiness. What was there to be happy about?

When the doctor confirmed that I was indeed not pregnant, like we knew, I still couldn't stop the tears. Edward held me to his chest and let me cry, frowning in sadness along with me. Dr Chilton looked as unhappy as we did and when I had finally composed myself again we sat down to go through the options once more.

"I'm so very sorry," he said, looking at us both. "Sometimes it just doesn't work and we don't know why. There's no way to explain it. Physically, Bella, you are able to carry a baby and there shouldn't be a problem but as always the chances of IVF vary. Implantation is the hardest part."

"Where do we go from here?" Edward asked, swallowing the lump in his throat.

"The two of you need to decide if you wish to try again, but that's not something you have to decide today."

"No," I said, gripping Edward's hand. "We want to try again." I looked over at Edward for confirmation and he nodded.

"Right, okay. Then we suggest you wait at least a month before we start back up again. You can take as long as you need. Majority of patients take roughly two months and then start. Each couple is different though. What I suggest, if you are unsure, is to book an appointment for a month's time and then one the following month. That way you can decide what is best and cancel the appointment you don't need. If after two months you want more time, that's fine too."

"What about natural conception?" I asked, not wanting to waste two months of trying to conceive.

"Well, your chances are slim but technically it is still possible. Would you like pamphlets on trying to conceive naturally?"

I nodded and Dr Chilton began fetching them out his desk drawers.

"These tell you a lot about what you need to know and things to look out for to tell you when best to try. Of course, due to Edward's low sperm count you do have to keep in mind you can do this all perfectly and you may still not conceive a child."

"We understand." And we did. After all, we had done the IVF perfectly and yet there was still no child.

Dr Chilton did his best to keep our spirits up and answer all our questions before we left. He really was trying hard for us and although it was his job we were still very thankful. It seemed like he genuinely cared, whereas I was worried we would have a doctor who didn't give a damn whether or not we got pregnant just as long as he kept getting paid.

Holding the pamphlets securely in my hand, we headed out to the reception and made our next appointments. Edward thanked the receptionist before we headed on out to the car, hand in hand. He opened the door for me and shut it behind me then walked round to the driver's side.

We sat in the car for a second, in silence, engine off. I turned to him, looking at his perfect profile and smiled sadly.

"So you up for trying natural conception?" I asked, reaching for his hand.

"A month full of sex?" he asked, smiling a little.

"Yep," I replied, smiling back at him.

"You bet I'm up for that." I chuckled and bit my lip, grinning at him.

We were both in pieces but this was our way of trying to smooth things over, to pick up those pieces and put one another back together. We weren't going to give up, that was for sure. We just had to keep trying. IVF had failed, well then we were back to the natural way to conceive and seeing as I hadn't had sex with Edward since before the IVF started, months ago, I was happy to ignite our physical relationship once again.

Turning on the engine the car roared to life. Edward kissed the back of my hand and then kissed the palm of his, placing it on my stomach.

"One day, one day our baby will be in there, and we'll be the luckiest parents in the world."

I nodded and smiled, trusting his words with every ounce of my being.

"Let's go home," he said, sighing sadly but still keeping that small smile on his lips. "Tomorrow is another day. We'll get there eventually."

And we would. I just knew we would.

A.N.

I kinda forgot I had written this and it has been sitting in a folder for months, so sorry about that. Thankfully you didn't have to wait any longer for it as the amazing MrsKatyCullen beta read it. Major thanks to her!


	21. Chapter 21: Clinic Day

**Give Me A Little Trust**

**Chapter Twenty One: Clinic Day**

_Bella's POV_

My period came and went as though nothing had happened. It was likeas if it was no big deal. However, the loss Edward and I felt _was_ a big deal. It had wounded us deeply, and those wounds were going to take a long time to heal. That didn't mean we were going to stop trying for a baby, though. No, this hurdle only reinforced our need for a child.

Edward was going to make a fantastic father, that was obvious, and I was desperate to be a mother. Just because we couldn't have a baby the conventional way did not mean we were not destined to have one. Our baby would be along soon, in time.

The month following my period we built our relationship back up. It had become very strained during IVF and we just needed to get back to being a couple again. We went out every week, to the theatre, for dinner, dancing, to the cinema, and shopping. Finally Edward and I were acting like any normal couple would. There was no stress, no fear of failing IVF, and we could finally smile without it being forced.

Edward was like a whole new man. He was upbeat, happy and carefree, letting all life's worries pass him by. It was remarkable to see, and relighted an old flame: lust. It was undeniable; Edward was gorgeous, sexy and charming. I just couldn't keep my hands off of him.

Just like we joked about in the car after leaving the clinic, Edward and I enjoyed a month of sex. And what a glorious month it was. Eventually we had to get back to business though. The baby wouldn't make itself, so we needed to go back to the clinic.

Dr Chilton was ready to get things on the go and set us up with the appointments we needed. So once again I was spreading my legs for all the doctors, being stabbed with needles and becoming emotional at the simplest things.

Going through the injections the first time was bad enough, but doing it again was a bloody nightmare. Fourteen days of injections was hard enough, but watching Edward retreat into his shell once again was worse. It was as if he closed off his happiness to protect it. I hated seeing him so withdrawn.

Granted, he was still there for me, caring for me every moment he could, and being physically affectionate. But, one side of the bed would lie empty at night and I would long for his body to be near to mine.

The injections were tasking, physically, and Edward was tasking, emotionally, so finding an outlet was hard. With the drugs in my system being so powerful I feel exhausted in moments, so I had to take it easy. Rather than do anything strenuous, I began to work my way through all the books in the house.

On some days, Esme and Carlisle would come by and we would have lunch while Edward was at work, but most of the time I spent was with my nose in a book. It was relaxing, being able to take a break from all the stress and just lose myself in the pages of a novel.

Fourteen days flew by this time, unlike before, and then I was back in the clinic, feet in the bed stirrups and ready for them to collect my eggs. The injections had matured them, but that didn't mean they could be used. If there was something wrong, or they hadn't matured to the stage needed, then I would have to go through it again in another month.

Everything was always hanging by a thread. My eggs could set us back, Edward's sperm could set us back, an unsuccessful culture of the embryos could set us back, and a failed implantation could set us back. We never really knew when it was going to work or not.

"Okay Bella, I believe you're familiar with this procedure?" the doctor asked, looking at my notes. I nodded in agreement and then listened to them briefly explain what they were going to do. "You'll obviously know what it feels like so I won't need to explain that to you, but do let me know if you feel any pain, as it should just be discomfort. Okay, here we go."

The doctor injected my vagina with a local anaesthetic and then used the ultrasound to guide them where they needed to insert the needle. It was just as uncomfortable as last time when they extracted the fluid in the follicles. In the fluid were my eggs, or rather, half of Edward and my baby. He was in one of the other rooms giving his half of our baby.

Once he was done, and the doctors had finished with me, he came to collect me. Giving me a soft smile he looked around a sighed.

"It feels like just yesterday we were doing this." I nodded in agreement.

"It does, the only difference, this time we _will _get our baby." He walked over and took me in his arms.

"I bloody hope so." Kissing my forehead he held me tight and allowed me to nuzzle close to him. "Let's go home so you can rest. My mother is cooking." I couldn't help but grin at that news. Esme was one hell of a cook.

Taking my hand we checked in with Dr Chilton and told him to do the same procedures as last time and then made our appointment for five days' time. IVF was teaching me one main thing: patience. Without it, I would have gone mad.

"Alright you two, we shall run the preimplantation genetic diagnosis test and let you know if anything comes up. If we find any genetic chromosome abnormalities like we did last time then we will let you know. You are both aware though that seeing as you are both carriers of Werdnig-Hoffman disease then your baby does have a one in four chance of being born with it?"

"We are, and we are willing to handle that."

"Do you want to know if any of these embryos are diagnosed with Werdnig-Hoffman's disease? And would you like them destroyed if they are?" Dr Chilton asked, his pen poised over the page to write down our decision.

Edward turned to me and I thought back to the last time we had to have this discussion. Back then it was so out of the blue, but now we were prepared, we already knew our answer to that question.

_"I can't destroy something that is a part of you and me, even if it is only seventy to a hundred cells in size." I relaxed instantly at his words and walked around the counter to him._

_"I'm so relieved to hear that. I couldn't destroy this embryo, this baby. Our baby." Reaching out I hugged Edward and tucked my head into the crook of his neck. His arms came up and around me, giving me a soft squeeze._

_"So we'll keep it and just be prepared?"_

_"Yes." I nodded against him and kissed his neck once._

"No, don't destroy them. If they are implanted then so be it. And don't inform us, we don't wish to know." Our baby was still our baby, whether they were ill or not. Scribbling this down Dr Chilton nodded and then stood up.

"Well then, that's it settled. Everything is in order. Your eggs and sperm will be fertilised in roughly eight hours and then in five days, when you return, we will implant them. See you then," he said, shaking our hands.

Leaving his office both Edward and I held our heads high. We would get our baby, this we knew for sure, it would only take a matter of time. And hell, if we needed to do this half a dozen times then so be it. If we got our baby at the end then all that money, time, pain and tears would be worth it. We just wanted to have a baby.

The implantation took place on time, and we didn't hear anything back from the genetic test. We had no idea if our baby was going to be one hundred percent healthy or not. We had asked not to be informed and if they had stuck to that. We had no idea if the embryos being implanted were all healthy or were sick. No matter what though, it would still be our baby and that was all that mattered.

Next was the unpleasant waiting game, which drove us both mad last time. Edward and I had sixteen days until we had to return to the clinic, and thoese sixteen days were the hardest. Getting my period again would cripple me. I wasn't ready to have that wound ripped open once again. It would be too sore. I needed to be pregnant. I needed it like the air I breathed. It was a necessity.

Losing this baby would weaken Edward and I to our very cores. We could have all the hope in the world but when we failed it vanished into thin air. It was like God was telling us we were not destined to be parents, and that itself was ridiculous.

If there was one thing I knew with one hundred percent of my being, Edward was destined to be a father. There was no doubt about it. How God could not grant that glorious man that one wish was beyond me.

With the embryos inside of me, I was on bed rest once again. Esme and Carlisle moved in, staying in one of the spare bedrooms, and she catered to me during the day. I only left the bed to bathe and use the toilet. Other than that I was stuck there. I didn't fault it, and on the days I was desperate to get out I thought back to the disappointment of seeing the bloody stain in my underwear.

I refused to take the risk and have that happen again. Edward and I needed this baby. We needed it to work. If it didn't the pain and damage to our relationship would be so monumental it risked being irreversible. I did not want to lose another baby, and in turn the man I loved. It just had to work.

Nerves and jitters took over my system the day we were to go back to the clinic. It was judgement day, so to speak. We had waited and waited and waited to see how the implantation went, everyday thinking that it would be the day my period arrived.

Edward would return home from half days at work and look at me with trepidation, desperate to know if our baby was still on its way. I would nod and smile, but it was always forced. I was terrified that I toldell Edward my period hadn't arrived and then within hours it would start.

The closer we got to Clinic Day, the worse my nerves were. Esme could see I was working myself into a state so tried every relaxing technique possible. We went through breathing exercises, herbal teas, relaxing music, and many other methods to fight my nerves. They didn't work for longer than a couple of minutes, and I knew the only thing that would relax me was finding out if we were successful or not.

On Clinic Day, I was ready to burst due to my nerves. Edward looked much the same as we got in the car. Driving there was dreadful. At every red light I was ready to cry, eager for it to turn green and get us closer to our result; pregnant or not.

Just because my period hadn't arrived by Clinic Day did not mean that we had a successful implantation. It could have been late due to all my nerves or it was possibly going to start later on that day. I just needed to know.

A home pregnancy test risked a false positive, and Edward and I were not going to go through that. We wanted the doctors to do the test, therefore knowing for sure we were actually pregnant. There would be no false hope, and no feeling of doubt. We were both ready to know, to finally know whether or not we had a baby on the way.

Taking a seat in the waiting room, after giving a urine and blood sample, was possibly the worst moment of all. Somewhere in the clinic, my samples were being tested and someone knew if I was pregnant or not. Why I couldn't stick with my samples and watch them get tested was beyond me. It would save so much time and energy. I wouldn't have stressed out completely by the time Dr. Chilton called for us, nor would I have felt uneasy about the uncertainty of it all.

The nurse that called our name led us through the clinic, towards Dr Chilton's office. She smiled politely at us as she shut the door and I couldn't help but think it was a pity smile. Did she know the results of our tests? Was that a pity smile because she knew I wasn't pregnant? Was I pregnant?

My ramblings were cut off by the arrival of Dr Chilton himself. He came in and briskly sat behind his desk, laying down a medical folder in one hand and a mug of coffee in the other. Leaning back in his chair he clapped one hand down on the desk, creating a slamming noise, then spoke.

"Well, I have good news for you. You're pregnant," he said, smiling.

My heart stopped beating and I took a sharp breath.

"We're pregnant?" Edward asked, looking so hopeful but so lost. I understood that emotion. What if we both heard him wrong? What if this was a terrible joke, or something else ridiculous?

When Dr. Chilton nodded I finally felt the return of the thump, my heart starting up again, but at an accelerated pace. It was as though it was going to burst straight out of my chest, and from the way Edward froze next to me, I assumed his was doing the same.

Taking another sharp breath I broke, tears streaming down my cheeks in one overwhelming surge of emotion. I couldn't take it in. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. We had finally done it. We were pregnant.

"I will give you two a moment. Congratulations."

Edward turned to me, trying to smile and trying to hold back the tears at the same time. It was cute to watch, to see him so happy about something. Standing up he pulled me into a hug, holding on to me tightly.

"We did it," he chocked out. "We did it."

"We're going to have a baby," I said, hardly believing the words leaving my mouth.

"Yes, we are." Dropping his head to my abdomen Edward smiled. "I'm glad you listened to me this time, and well done for clinging on. We can't wait to see you, all ten fingers and ten toes. Grow strong little one, the next few weeks might be hard, but please stick it out. We need you. We love you already. Your mummy and daddy can't wait to see you in nine months' time. Take care little one." He lifted my top and kissed my skin then moved up and kissed me softly on the lips.

"I'm going to be a father." His voice was full of shock, disbelief and pride.

"The best father," I added, caressing the side of his face with my hand and memorising his happiness. "I love you," I whispered, kissing him softly.

"I love you too, more than I can ever express." He leant his forehead against mine and grinned. "We can do this, right?"

"Most definitely."

"Good. Now, let's get home and get you into bed." I laughed and shook my head.

"Putting me on bed rest already?"

"Damn right. We're not losing this one," he said sombrely, looking down at the bed.

"No, you're right, we're not. Take me to bed, Mr. Cullen."

"As you wish." Kissing me gently, his lips moving against mine I lost myself, a fire spreading across my skin, leaving goose bumps in its path. If it weren't for the fact we were at the doctor's office I would have kissed him for hours.

We were going to parents, everything permitting.

_Dear God, don't let us lose this little angel, please._

My happiness knew no bounds. I was pregnant. Our baby was finally on its way.


	22. Chapter 22: Guilt

Hi there. It has been ages since I last updated this story, and for that I apologise. There are plenty of good reasons why, but I won't bore you with them. Just know that I'm back to writing this and shall try and keep updates more frequent.

Quick recap, because I needed one so I think most of you will too: They tried IVF and failed first time round, became aware they are both carriers of a genetic illness (Werdnig-Hoffman disease/SMA Type 1), and they embarked on round two of IVF. That round was successful and at the very end of last chapter they were at the clinic, having just been told they were pregnant.

**Give Me A Little Trust**

**Chapter Twenty Two: Guilt**

_Bella's POV_

Finishing up with the doctor took another twenty or so minutes but then we were out of there. Edward called his parents in the car and told them the news, which made them drop everything and head for home. We were going to celebrate, apparently.

I wasn't exactly sure how much celebrating I could do from being on bed rest but they still wanted to try, which I could hardly blame them for. After all, this was their grandchild, their first grandchild. Perhaps it was premature of us to celebrate, because until we got past the twelfth week things were still risky. I could still lose the baby, our baby.

Then there was the small chance of it going wrong, of our baby being sick. There was a twenty five percent chance. Twenty five percent now sounded like a lot. What if we were celebrating the life of a baby that would never make it to its first birthday? Was this selfish of us, to even think of having children when we knew what could happen?

"Hey, what's going on? You look really upset," Edward said, reaching across the car and taking my hand. I turned to face him and smiled a little, but it was pained. "Talk to me. We should be all smiles right now. What's going on in that brain of yours?"

"What if we made a mistake?" I asked, worrying over the life in my womb.

"A mistake? You don't want to have a baby? Cause if that's the case then it's a bit late now, don't you think?" He looked at me like I had lost it.

"No, no I don't mean that. I mean, what if we made a mistake implanting the embryo, or embryos that could be sick?"

Edward pulled the car over into a space at the side of the road and put it in park. Unbuckling his seat belt, he turned completely and looked at me, worry all over his face.

"Bella, we don't know if that embryo took or not. We don't even know if it was one of the two selected to be implanted. What we do know is that we're going to love this baby no matter what. This is us. It's a part of you and a part of me. It will be perfect, even if it is sick. We will manage because we will love it with all our hearts. Do not worry about this, please."

I welcomed his embrace, desperate for the comfort. He was right, but my worries did not let up. Until this baby was born and I saw that it was completely healthy then I was going to worry. I needed it to be okay.

"Now, shall we try and put a smile on our face and go see my parents? They'll be dying to see you." I nodded and sat back in the seat.

There was no need to worry Carlisle and Esme. They didn't need to have my fears projected onto their celebratory mood. This was a big day for them, they had a grandchild on the way, so I was not going to ruin it.

I pushed all my worries and fears to the back of my mind and thought of the future ahead, instead. We were parents. My God, we were parents. The baby was on its way. That thought certainly brought a smile to my face.

"That's more like it," Edward commented, grinning at me. I rolled my eyes but couldn't help the smile on my face. I was happy, truly happy.

Arriving at home, we found that we had beaten Carlisle and Esme. Edward, not taking any chances, whisked me upstairs and put me to bed. He puffed up the pillows, brought me a more comfortable change of clothes, tucked me in, and fetched me a glass of water. The man was nothing if not thorough.

Not long after, Esme and Carlisle pulled up. They honked the horn to let us know they were here and then proceeded to come in the house, laughing, crying in Esme's case, and singing congratulations to us both.

Edward led them upstairs, informing them of the new regime to keep me in bed at all times, and unleashed them on me. Carlisle was practically glowing with excitement. He hugged me tightly, kissed my cheek and told me I would be a fantastic mother. Esme, on the other hand, gave me a weepy smile and pulled me into her embrace.

"This is the best news I've had all year. I never thought this day would come," she said, mothering me like Renee used to when I was young.

"Never?" I asked, glancing over at Edward who was deep in conversation with his father.

"After the last attempt, I feared the implantation would never take. Oh, I prayed it would, but couldn't help but worry. I worried that the two of you would never get your baby, that the whole process would tear you apart. But, for once, I am very happy to be wrong. This is brilliant news. I couldn't be happier."

Sitting back, letting go of me, Esme then began asking about how I was feeling. I didn't want to worry them in regards to the possible genetic abnormalities, therefore just told her I was overwhelmed, which I was.

Edward, having heard my response, kindly ushered his parents downstairs and kissed me softly, telling me to get some sleep. It was exactly what I needed. In fact, I was surprised he didn't need to have a nap, too. He must have been as tired as I was, having gone through all the same emotions. Then again, Edward wasn't carrying our baby, adding more fatigue to my already exhausted body.

They all left me and I settled back to get some rest. My mind, though, was having other ideas. I just couldn't stop thinking about the possibility of our baby being sick. He or she would be perfect, no doubt about it, but knowing I was condemning something so innocent to a life of pain made my heart ache. Had I just sacrificed my child's happiness and life for a selfish need to have children biologically related to me? Was that really what I had just done?

Fighting back the panic attack threatening to overtake, I scrambled off the bed and started rooting through my drawers, looking for the folder on the clinic. I had to know. I couldn't help myself. I needed to know whether or not the embryos implanted were healthy or not. It was stupid though, because by knowing I wouldn't be able to change anything.

What if they told me that the embryos implanted were unhealthy? Would that then change how I felt about the pregnancy? I certainly wouldn't have an abortion, over my dead body would that happen, but would I cripple under the guilt of knowing I had made my baby sick?

It was wrong to know and it was wrong to not. I had to know if my baby was healthy, but I knew it was better to stay in the dark so I didn't become overwhelmed with guilt. Even worse was the fact I wasn't considering Edward in all this, but it was too late to go and talk to him. I wanted to know, regardless of the consequences, and that thought alone had me dialling the clinic and asking to speak to Dr. Chilton.

After speaking to the receptionist and then being put on hold, I was finally put through to him. He had all the answers, and I needed them. His voice on the line calmed the storm of emotions building beneath the surface. He could tell me what I needed to know. He could help.

"How can I help you, Bella? Is something wrong?" he asked after the pleasantries.

"Oh no, nothing's wrong. I was just wondering, you have the results of the genetic test, correct?" My voice was shaky at best, but I had to know. My nerves were not going to stop me from finding out.

"I do, yes."

"And you know if they embryos implanted suffer from any genetic abnormalities, right?"

"Indeed, I do. Have you changed your mind? Do you wish to know?" He didn't sound at all surprised as he asked. Then again, he'd probably dealt with plenty of couples like Edward and I who had changed our minds about knowing. Though, Edward hadn't changed his mind. He was still in the dark.

God, what I was doing was wrong. It was like I was betraying him, but I couldn't stop. He was no longer my number one concern. This baby was, and I needed to do everything in my power to protect and care for it.

"That's not a problem, is it? I think it would just take a weight off if I was aware of what's to come."

"No, it's not a problem at all. Give me a moment and I'll get the results up." I could hear him typing away on the other end, and waited anxiously. Downstairs I could hear the chatter of Esme and Carlisle, and the guilt hit me like a freight train. I should have spoken to Edward, but my mind was set, I needed to know and I needed to know now.

"Alright, Bella, in the notes here it says that there were only three viable sperm. All three were used and successfully fertilized your eggs. As you know, though, our clinic only implants two as a rule." I hummed, letting him know I understood, and waited for him to continue. "It seems as though two of the three had genetic abnormalities, and therefore the healthy embryo was implanted along with one of the others." He paused to let that information sink in, and I dropped my head, closing my eyes quickly.

There was no way of knowing which embryo had taken; no way of knowing whether or not I would have a healthy baby. There was a fifty percent chance now that my baby would be born with a genetic condition, and would suffer greatly before succumbing to it.

God, what had we done?

"We will monitor the pregnancy very carefully, of course, and we can watch out for anything untoward," Dr Chilton explained, trying to ease my fears.

"Untoward?"

"In the third trimester, sometimes the fetus stops moving as much and no movement can be felt. That's usually a sign that the genetic abnormality has started affecting it. However, if you are worried, and want to know before then, there is a possibility of having an amniocentesis done to check. That would take place between week fifteen and week twenty. Of course, we will have to take into account the situation at the time, but it's an option."

"Right, okay." I didn't know what else to say, I felt numb.

Dr Chilton tried to reassure me some more, but I couldn't handle it, and needed to get off the phone. He clearly knew I was worried, but nothing he said was going to change the sheer panic I felt. The twenty five percent risk had just risen to fifty percent. Then again, if both embryos implanted, then one of my babies would be born unwell, and all because of me.

I felt selfish, and the guilt had quickly destroyed all the happiness I had felt earlier. What were we thinking? Had Edward and I gone mad? We were risking an innocent baby's life on our needs. That wasn't right. That wasn't what parents did. No. This wasn't fair. Our baby might have to suffer because of us.

It wasn't about how much we'd love it, that didn't make a good parent. One could love their child unconditionally, doesn't mean they were perfect parents. We had already failed our baby. We should have put the baby's needs first, rather than our own. We should have checked what embryos would be implanted. We should have told them not to implant the ones with abnormalities.

Did that make me a horrible mother though? Was I denying the unhealthy embryos a chance of life? Was I denying my own child because they would be sick?

No. I couldn't think like that. It wasn't that I didn't want them. Hell no. I wanted them. I wanted them so badly, but could I watch them suffer and die in front of my very own eyes knowing I had caused that? No, I wouldn't be able to do that. That would be impossible.

Then again, that may just be what's in store.

Pulling the curtains closed, I plunged the room into darkness and sank beneath the bed covers. It only took a few moments before the pain and fear crept up and had me sobbing uncontrollably. I tried to keep it quiet, I tried to hold it in, but there was no stopping it.

My baby might be sick, because of me.

I was an awful mother, a truly awful mother.

* * *

The rollercoaster emotions had lulled me to sleep, and I awoke several hours later, still exhausted, and with a killer headache from all the crying. Downstairs, I could no longer hear Carlisle and Esme, which I took to mean they had gone home. That was for the best, as I needed to talk to Edward.

We now had a lot to discuss.

Heading into the bathroom, I washed my face and tried to make myself look presentable. I didn't want him knowing straight off the bat that something was wrong. He'd immediately think I'd lost the baby or something equally as awful, and putting him through that wouldn't be fair.

My eyes were still puffy and I looked worse for wear as I headed downstairs, listening carefully as I took another step. Edward was in the living room, the TV was on, and I assumed he was having some down time.

I didn't want to ruin it. I didn't want to go in and tell him about what I had done.

I was a coward, a bad mother and a coward, as I turned right at the bottom of the stairs rather than left and headed back towards the study. Bursting his content and happy bubble would be dreadful, and I wanted him to enjoy for a few more hours. Or at least that's what I told myself to justify my actions. Really, I was scared. I wasn't afraid of Edward's reaction, but more the pain that my words would cause him.

Not only was I a coward and a bad mother, but I was also a bad…girlfriend. That didn't sound right, but that's what I was. We weren't married, after all. Perhaps that was a good thing, now especially.

Entering the study, I booted up the computer and took a seat. If my baby was sick then I needed to learn as much as I could about how the illness would manifest. Although we had researched everything when we found out that we could pass on the genetic illness to our baby, I wanted to know more. I wasn't looking at it like that was happening to my child, and that's how I needed to view things.

With Google at hand, I typed in my search and dove straight in. After about twenty minutes it became apparent that it would be best to write important things down so I didn't forget. Before long, I had filled pages upon pages with questions to ask doctors, things to look out for, tips on how to care for my baby, and the facts and figures about survival, new treatments and success rates.

It was all a little overwhelming.

Taking a break, I headed to the kitchen and worked on getting some dinner. It was important to remember I was not just eating for myself anymore, a fact I was going to have to get used to. Skipping meals and eating small bites wasn't going to help at all. My baby needed all the help it could get, something I was going to take seriously.

The sound of me opening and closing cupboards, looking for something to eat, must have alerted Edward to my presence downstairs as he came bumbling in a few seconds later. His clothes were wrinkled and he was rubbing at his eyes, clearly having fallen asleep on the couch. Good, he needed the rest.

"Hey, what are you doing out of bed?" he questioned, coming up behind me. I felt his lips on the side of my neck as his hands ran over my stomach.

"I was hungry," I mumbled, the guilt hitting me square in the face. He was so content, and I was going to ruin it. God, was I destined to make all the wrong choices in regards to this pregnancy?

"You should have called, I would have gotten you something," he whispered in my ear, his lips carefully kissing their way down my jaw. I loved his touch, but I didn't deserve it, not at that moment.

"It's okay, I can do it," I replied. Sliding out of his grasp, I opened the fridge and pulled out some leftover pasta. Edward didn't say anything, but rather watched me reheat and plate it up. It was only when I tried to go back to the study that he spoke up.

"Are you sure you should be up and about? Wouldn't it be better to stay in bed?"

I paused in the doorway, plate in hand, and shook my head. I refused to look at him, I just couldn't do it. He would be able to tell something had changed, that something was wrong, that I knew something he didn't, and right then, I wasn't ready for that conversation.

"Being pregnant doesn't make me an invalid. I am capable of doing things for myself." My tone was light to make sure he didn't take offense to what I was saying, but it also was final. I refused to be treated like I was made of glass.

I was willing to spend most of my time in bed, if that eased his worries, but I still planned on getting up and going out. The hard part had been overcome. We struggled to get pregnant, but now we were, and that made all the difference. Every test I had done on me said there was nothing wrong with my body, and I was capable of carrying a baby to full term, therefore I wasn't going to take it easy. I needed to get back on track with my life.

He had spoken of keeping me on bed-rest for the full pregnancy but that was maddening, now that I thought about it. I would go stir crazy, and that wouldn't help my baby at all. It needed a mother it could count on, not some loony toon who had lost it by staring at the same four walls for nine months.

"I know that, but do you really want to take the chance?" Edward asked, sounding a little anxious at the thought of me staying out of bed.

"My body is capable of doing this, Edward, so don't worry." That was all I was willing to say on the matter, and with his silence I quickly scurried back through the house. The study welcomed me back, and I set about researching some more.

Edward didn't come and get me when he started locking up the house, but I knew he was going to wait downstairs until I made a move. Given that we still needed to talk, I closed down the machine and put my plate in the sink, vowing to wash it in the morning, and headed up the stairs after him.

I changed out of the comfortable clothes he had given me earlier, and put on some pyjamas. Edward was doing the same, completely oblivious to my skittering behaviour behind him. I kept wringing my hands nervously and couldn't stop from chewing on my bottom lip.

This was it. This was really it. I had to tell him. He had a right to know. There was no way I could keep this from him. It's his baby, too. If only I had remembered all that earlier before making the call. We should have spoken about it, rather than me jumping the gun. Too late now. Too late now.

God, I just had to say it. Why was it so hard? Why couldn't I say it? All I needed to do was open my mouth and let the words flow out. Why weren't they doing that? Why was this so impossibly hard?

"I called the clinic." Slamming my mouth shut, I waited for his reaction. I really hadn't expected the words to fly out like that. Surely it could have been down with a little more tact.

"What?" Edward stopped and turned to me, looking frightful. "Why?"

"I needed to know." He shut his eyes and took a deep breath, holding back whatever emotions were fighting beneath the surface. My excuse was lousy, but it was the only one I had, it was the driving force behind calling Dr. Chilton. I needed to know and I needed to prepare for the outcome.

"What did they say?"

"Due to the low number of viable sperm, one healthy embryo and one…" I didn't know what word to use. Sick, ill, unwell, unhealthy, diseased, abnormal, each and every one of them sounded wrong, sounded offensive and hurtful. That embryo was our baby, regardless if it was the one that successfully implanted, I couldn't describe it as anyone of those words. "…the other embryo has the genetic abnormality."

Edward dropped down onto the end of the bed, his head falling into his hands and he sighed. I wanted to crawl across the bed, and rub soothing circles on his back, but I knew that would be the wrong move. He was angry and hurt by what I had done.

"Why?" he asked again, his voice strained.

"I needed to know."

"What about me? Do I not get a say in this?" he exploded, rising from the bed sharply and turning towards me. "This is my baby, too, Bella. I have a right to know what's going on with it. You should have spoken to me. You should have come to me and discussed this."

"I panicked! I had to know what we faced, what our baby would face."

"But you still don't know! You have no idea what embryo took. You don't know if we're having a healthy baby, and sick baby, or hell, both! You have no idea! All you've done is put more pressure on us, on you! We don't need that. Why couldn't you have waited? Why couldn't you have waited until we were past the twelve weeks mark, huh?"

"I panicked," I repeated, accepting his verbal lashing. "I wanted to know what the chances were so I could prepare for what's to happen. I need to be able to look after our baby to the best of my ability, especially if we only are parents for a short amount of time. There are signs to look out for during the pregnancy, and there are things we can do to make our baby's life easier if it was born unhealthy. We have to be prepared."

Edward just gave me a disheartened look and shook his head. "Well, as long as we can be prepared," he said, hurt laced through each word. "I'm going to stay in the spare bedroom tonight. I just…I can't look at you right now. This should have been a decision we made together."

"Why are you so angry at me for this?" I asked, clutching at the covers. I didn't want him to sleep in the other room. This was meant to be a good day for us. He should be sleeping next to me, holding me, holding our baby as we slept. "Look, I am sorry, Edward. I should have spoken to you, but I didn't and I can't change that."

"I didn't want to know."

"Why? This is our baby, we need to be able to-"

"The guilt!" he cried, clenching his fist in anger. "God, Bella, do you think I'm going to be able to look myself in the mirror knowing that I have condemned my own child to a life of pain? What kind of father does that make me? An unfit one." I shook my head and advanced across the bed, reaching out to pull him closer. He stepped further back and held up his hand to stop me from moving any closer. "No. Don't. Don't touch me."

My heart broke at the pain and sadness behind his eyes. He wasn't repulsed by me, but by himself, and I wished I had acted differently. The guilt had already taken hold of him. He hated himself, and I had caused that.

"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry, Edward," I choked out, pushing away the tears streaming down my cheeks. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I promise, I didn't mean to-"

"Stop, please, just stop," he said, cutting me off. "You need to calm yourself. The stress can't be good for the baby." He dropped his eyes and refused to look back at me. "You should get some sleep. We can again tomorrow."

"No, Edward, please. Please stay here tonight," I begged, shaking my head at him. He didn't see it as he moved towards the bedroom door.

"I can't. I'm sorry." The door shut behind him with a resounding thud and I sank backwards, knowing I deserved that kind of treatment. I had hurt him by being selfish. But wasn't that what we had done to our baby, acted selfishly?

Either way, I had messed up, but I hoped Edward would see why I acted the way I did. This baby was more important than us, more important than our feelings and our emotions. We needed to give it the best chance possible, and knowing whether or not it was sick was the only way to do that. We needed to start acting like parents. In time, he would come to realise that, surely.

Knowing he wouldn't return, I turned off all the lights and crawled into bed. Despite being alone, I knew I really wasn't; I had my baby, my defenceless and innocent baby. Running a hand over my abdomen I silently prayed to God that it would be healthy, just so it didn't have to suffer. My job as a mother was to care and protect, and I was going to do everything possible to make sure I did just that.

From now on, the baby came first, and Edward's guilt would just need to take a backseat, we had bigger things to focus on.


End file.
